A Night At The Wonka Motel With Fez From ‘That 70s Show’

By Diana Matusewic

I am alone on the couch                                                                          

That resembles a small boat

Lost in the dark,

While holding a bottle

Too full to throw out.

I ignore the glowing box

Floating in front of me

Until a shirtless Fez appears. 

I slur the chorus from “Brown Sugar,”

Under my breath.

The laughter from the show

Reverberates with the song,

Carrying me away with current…

When the love seat 

Washes on shore

A pair of eyes appear

Above my shoulders

Staring at the candy on my lap

In the “Eat Me” wrapper, 

A Cheshire grin emerges,

“Ooh La La, I am Fez”

He says before darting 

For the sweets. 

After a swig

From the flask

I shrink,

And fall

Between the cushion seats,

His eyes and smirk follow me,

We land on a kitchen counter…

A ginger bread body

Appears with his face

As he is placed on a greased

Cookie sheet. 

My breasts become 

Perfectly scooped mounds

Of vanilla ice cream

With glossy cherries

Protruding stem tassels.

My body 

Is pressed against his,

Fresh from the oven.

A thick cloud

Of steam comes 

Between us…

The fog fades,

We are Adam and Eve

At Wonka’s Factory

Under the gummy tree.

“I like candy,” He says,

So I pluck a giant red bear

From a branch above my head.

As I hand him my gift,

I sense a serpent Lurking in the bush,

I’m flushed

When he shoots 

His venom frosting…

As the babbling brook

Bursts into a waterfall

My eyelids flap open

To the static on TV

And the bottle

Ejaculating Sangria

On my lap.

By Diana Matusewic