A Letter To My Mother

By Arbia Enam

I know, I did betray you.

I know, I did engrave a wound in you.

But how am I supposed to explain? 

I was hurting too, and I still do.

Every word you said, pierced my heart, 

poked holes in it, torn it all apart.

Made it ache, wrenched in pain.

While I kept collecting my heart's shattered remains.

I would have settled, even for a cold embrace,

but all I remember are 'taunts' and being scared.

Accusing me for things, 

which were out of my control.

While I neglected it all, 

and still waited for the 'warm console'.

I understand what I did was wrong.

But, I was just a kid, and I still am.

I just wished you played along,

took it all as a child's nuisance.

It's okay now, it doesn't hurt that much somehow.

I grew immune to it, I wonder how.

I wish things were a little different.

I wish it was you, to whom I would vent.

But I guess fate had other plans.

Now, talking to you feels like a nightmare.

Feels like a poison 

that my soul can no longer bear.

I think it's all my fault.

I could have altered my present, 

but sadly, I could not.

By Arbia Enam