A Letter From Your Distant Love

By Naina Alana

Mon beau,

How are you doing? From the stories I hear in passing through our mutual friends, you seem to be enjoying your life. Just how you wanted. Just how you loved to do. I am happy for that, for you. Heard you are pretty serious about your latest. Yeah, I am not going to acknowledge it. Spare me this once?

I often wonder what and how things would’ve been had we taken a few steps. If I had given you any indication about the turmoil I was in, instead of letting you assume things. Wonder still, if you smile the same when you hear my name or see me. My pictures ofcourse, for we have studiously avoided eachother and fate never had let us cross paths. You have them, right? My pictures. I have yours. In my mind, my heart and my gallery. The last bit I am sure can be a breach of privacy and yet against all my brain’s warnings my heart decided to keep one. It listened to the brain years ago and see, where I am now. Lost in those blissful years with no way out. I tried. Even got into the dating stuff but I am unable to do it. Your sweet gestures haunt me. Make me search for you in every guy I meet.

You have me- mind, body, soul.

I miss you. Miss those shy glances and timid smiles. The invisible bond which needed no words. I am like that parched traveller on desert, in search of water and desperately listening to hints to know where he can find it. Praying to get a drop before it succumbs to the heat and gives up. Gives up the search and quits. The hope, fully extinguishing.  

Do you.. Do you miss me? Do you lay awake at night thinking of those precious days? Does your mind plagues you with alternate scenarios? Or are you glad to not have anything to do with me? Are there days when you look around and think I should’ve been there? Does something remind you of me?

Looking back, there were so many times we could have gotten on, so many chances slipped. Maybe it would’ve worked out or maybe not. All I am left with is this what if .

I do hope you regret giving up so soon even if I pray for your happiness.

- From the girl who made you smile the only way she ever can.

P.S— Waiting for the day I stop loving you insanely.

By Naina Alana