A Funeral for the Person I Could Have Been - By Shreya Panwar

Written By: Shreya Panwar

Category: Poetry

Competition: Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026

In the evocative poem "A Funeral for the Person I Could Have Been," Shreya Panwar delves into the nuanced experience of mourning a self that never materialized. As a participant in the Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026, Panwar captures the essence of loss and introspection. Her words paint a vivid picture of the internal conflicts and quiet regrets that accompany the journey of personal growth and change. Through this piece, readers are invited to reflect on their own paths and the versions of themselves they have left behind.

About the Work

Shreya Panwar's poem beautifully encapsulates the quiet mourning of an unlived life, portraying a gentle yet profound sense of loss. Her work is rich in imagery, capturing moments of past innocence and carefree authenticity, now replaced by the weight of maturity and societal expectations. The poem's tone is contemplative, blending nostalgia with a subtle critique of the pressures to conform. Panwar skillfully uses her words to evoke a sense of longing for the fragments of a self that once was, illustrating the silent sacrifices made in the name of growth.

A Funeral for the Person I Could Have Been

Original Submission by Shreya Panwar

“A Funeral for the Person I Could Have Been”

Nobody warns you

that you can grieve someone

who never technically existed.

There are no ceremonies for that kind of loss.

No condolences.

No casseroles left at your door.

No one dresses in black

when a version of you disappears quietly inside your own body.

But I swear,

I have mourned her.

The girl I could have been.

The one who used to speak without rehearsing every sentence first.

The one who laughed so hard she snorted sometimes

and never felt ashamed afterward.

The one who trusted people easily.

The one who created things simply because it made her happy,

not because it had to become useful or impressive or profitable.

She still exists in fragments.

In old photographs where my smile looked accidental instead of practiced.

In notebooks filled with plans I once believed in so completely

it hurts to read them now.

In unfinished paintings.

In songs I stopped listening to because they remind me too much of who I was before survival became my entire personality.

I do not think she died all at once.

I think I lost her gradually.

Like leaving pieces of yourself behind in places you needed to outgrow.

A little softness sacrificed to disappointment.

A little honesty traded for likability.

A little wonder crushed beneath exhaustion.

A little more silence every time life taught me being emotional made me harder to keep around.

Growing up is such a strange kind of violence.

Nobody tells you

how much of it is learning to betray yourself quietly

just to make life easier for everyone else.

You learn how to swallow your anger.

How to smile when you are too tired to speak.

How to continue conversations while your mind is begging for rest.

How to become dependable.

Useful.

Efficient.

And somewhere during all of that,

you stop recognizing the person staring back at you.

Burnout does not always look dramatic.

Sometimes it looks like becoming less excited about things you once loved.

Sometimes it looks like answering “I’m just tired”

because the truth feels too exhausting to translate.

Sometimes it looks like not remembering the last time you felt fully present in your own life.

There are parts of me that disappeared so slowly

I did not notice they were gone until much later.

I stopped dancing around my room.

Stopped writing just for myself.

Stopped calling people first.

Stopped believing rest had value unless it was earned.

I became someone constantly waiting

for the next task,

the next expectation,

the next pressure,

the next version of myself I would have to shape into something acceptable.

And the cruelest part is,

from the outside,

it probably looked like maturity.

People praise you for becoming quieter.

More productive.

Less emotional.

Easier to handle.

No one notices when you are slowly turning into a person who survives beautifully

but no longer feels alive inside her own life.

I wonder who I would have become

if fear had not touched me so early.

If disappointment had not made me cautious.

If the world had not convinced me that softness was something to apologize for.

Perhaps she would have slept better.

Perhaps she would have loved people without overanalysing every shift in their tone.

Perhaps she would have recognized herself.

I still meet her unexpectedly.

In old voice notes.

In childhood videos.

In the rare moments I laugh before remembering to hold myself together again.

She appears in tiny things.

The urge to buy cheap watercolour paints.

The sudden desire to dance in the kitchen at midnight.

The instinct to tell someone honestly,

“I’m not okay today.”

And for a few seconds,

I can almost feel her standing beside me.

Not angry.

Not accusing.

Just waiting quietly,

as if she still believes

there are pieces of her

I might one day bring back home.

About the Competition

The Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026 by Hashtag Kalakar celebrates the power of words and the creativity of writers from around the world. This platform offers participants an opportunity to express their thoughts, emotions, and stories through various forms of writing. With entries spanning poetry, essays, and short stories, the competition fosters a community of literary exploration, encouraging writers to share their unique perspectives and connect with a broader audience.

We extend our heartfelt thanks to Shreya Panwar for her poignant contribution, "A Funeral for the Person I Could Have Been," to the Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026. Her work resonates deeply, encouraging introspection and empathy. We appreciate her sharing this intimate reflection and look forward to seeing more of her creative expressions in the future.

About Hashtag Kalakar

Hashtag Kalakar is a creative platform dedicated to providing artists, writers, singers and other creative talents with opportunities to showcase their work and reach wider audiences through competitions, features and creative initiatives.