A Disheveled Mind to Another
By Sahana Vamsee
You missed the bus. Again.
The option left? You have to run an obstacle course through the denim hills, worksheet cliffs and 3 days worth of soup bowls and step out of your room, stumble down the stairs and stuff some cornflakes in your mouth while frantically tapping your phone for a taxi.
“Late again? Good job, 27th time in the row”, said the over presumptuous teacher responsible for marking the late comers. If coming late gave your grade, you would, without competition, be the top rank in the school's history. It would be helpful, you wouldn’t need to be stagnated at a 3rd rank. Everytime.
Classes are the same, when have they been anything different? But the difference today is you forget your maths textbook instead of biology like the day before.
Messiness is the main feature in your operating system and if you are clean for one day, it has to be a glitch.
But you're a good girl, always submitting your homework on time to the utter dismay of everyone else. You have to be,right? "Is there anything you pass for as mediocre, atleast? Sports? Tried it all, failed it all, repeated it all, failed it all, again. Dancing? Nah, no way. Art? Anything without a reference looks like a cat torn mattress. (Hey! Cheers to breaking the fourth wall. Anyways, this is what happen when a person thinks a bit too much)
The day staggers by fast. After crossing the labyrinth and falling on your bed you come to the insignificant realisation that you haven't removed your shoe. And right on cue, a shout from your mom.
Each day is the same. Wake up slightly late, miss something or forget someone, the school snoozefest, home to the homework, exercise or a sport you know you aren’t that good at but still like a stubborn mule go every other day, come drained and bungee jump face first into the bed and get ready for rinse and repeat. In between all of this, indignant voices take you on a surfboard made of unnecessary emotions. Really? All other students seem much more sane.
Only good thing changing is a new girl, more saner but just as socially awkward in the class. All you guys had were rustic conversations in between group works but that was enough to give you a hint at a possible….. Acquaintance.
Every third Tuesday of every month, lunch break becomes a ghost metropolis. Scratch that, even ghosts go to get a swift at their heaven-like gobi manchurian scent. But no you, cause you forgot that too and brought lunch. Good job! But the only other person who didn't know this was the new girl. This is when you realise you have been calling her “new girl” for too long. “Hey,.umm, hi, i am .... Ri… Ria. I realised, huh, that i don't know your name, soooo”
“ Hello, I'm Amulya. You sing well”
“ I do? I mean where did you hear me singing?”
“Umm, during class, like everyone else in class”
( awkward silence )
That's how long it took before it was called friendship, atleast to yourself.
The aftermath of this babble was something unbeknownst to both you and her. You realised, for once, that someone else was insane, disproving your previous incorrect judgement.
And the next month came and went by your beach fast, for that shore was shared by another person. And on a seemingly random day, after school, you search for her as the last period was language, and you both took different languages. You knock the crumpled piece of foil in front of you, tackling invisible players as they come hurling towards you when you see a familiar silhouette come out of the counsellor's room. “Hey Amu! Where are you running?”
You are faced with a rubicund face, tears taking a sneak peek out of her eyelids before being forced back in. “Can I hug you?” she asks in a wispy voice
“Hmm?” you reply, for in forever no one has ever asked such a quaint request.
SHe gives you a tight hug in the corridors, for the longest anyone has. And when she pulls away, you hold her back. You stare with all the concern you can muster into those bleared visages, and ask
“ Now is the part where you tell me everything that happened”
Well, you have that capability, for in two minutes she drags you into the restroom and stummers a few words in between sniffles,
“ Not everyone has it easy, ok? Everyday i get so much and feel so much and never get one time to tell anything out”
And then came the tsunami. Emotions weirdly peak inside the restroom, but you are stumped. The socially awkward girl you knew was an overblown truck tire that had finally bursted. Emotions flooded, stories revealed and you think one single thought
“ Is that it?”
But again you see a mirror in front of you. All those times trivial things made your nerves snap or gave you a fight or flight response. That was all unpacked in front of you. This gives a chilling revelation, that maybe one day you will seem so senseless.
You walk her out and take a stroll to her home. At the end she said, “ I spoke all this with the counsellor but telling someone I know is good. Thanks”
And then, just to break the sappy mood, quickly adds.
“No talk about this tomorrow” , and rushes into her home.
You stand there, fogged at the event. You had seen a mirror in your friend. The problems are vastly different(and just as unnecessary), but yet having the same profound impact on your mental state. Both of you feel that you aren’t good enough, people don’t like you enough, you need to do so much better because that's the only thing you get, and if you don’t you will (somehow, magically) fail in life.
Well, you won’t stop feeling this anytime soon, will you? You have always been this stubborn stupid afterall. But again you go back home, both laughing and dreading the homework left, while a infinitesimal part of your brain realises you're not the only insane one around and you can always be more sane, just by breaking open that bolted mouth of yours.
By Sahana Vamsee