Stop

By Aishu Rittika

I have an open mic

This evening at 5

And talks are going on

About the performance line up

In the WhatsApp group

And my heart does it's dance,

It's racing

Extremely fast.

I'm not scared

To perform,

That's what I do

For a living.

But then why

Just why

Is my heart doing this?

Tiny jitters

Tiny tremors

I feel,

Throughout my body.

My head hurts as always

The never ending headache,

My throat goes dry

Dryer than it usually is,

And tremors I feel

At the back of my mouth too.

I'm tired

So tired.

I'm pushing myself,

To feel.

To feel something

Other than this pain

This numbness

This deep deep hurt.

I want to feel joy

I want to feel happiness

I want to feel excited 

About something I love doing,

But it's me

Who's forcing myself

To feel any of it,

And it's fake.

My heart knows it

My brain knows it too.

I'm forcing them to feel

Something that

They've lost the ability to feel.

I can't anymore

I'm back at square one

I just can't.

I wanna give up

I wanna let it all

Come to an end.

I want it to end

I want it to end

Please

Stop.

By Aishu Rittika