Am I....?

By Swastika Sheel Srivastava

Is it too hard?

To understand what I said?

I'm trying my best,

To convey what I feel

But it seems like I can't.

Something's stopping me,

And my mind is bothering me,

And the world isn't helping at all.

I'm at my lowest,

And the doors are closing in on me,

I feel like I'm a burden

To everyone I ever talked to,

That they are forcing themselves

To be part of the conversation,

Am I a mistake?

Am I not meant to be?

I spend my days thinking,

What others might think of me

Am I a good friend?

Am I a good daughter?

Am I a good person?

Am I what I'm supposed to be?

I have friends whom I love,

I have a loving family,

Yet my mind's unsure,

What if they're lying?

What if they don't want to hurt your feelings?

What if I am a burden?

I want to apologise for all my mistakes,

For all the times I've caused a problem.

Or am I the problem?

Am I wrong?

Am I bad?

Even when I'm surrounded,

I feel lonely.

I laugh on the outside,

Knowing that I'll cry at night,

Unable to sleep,

Because my mind is a parasite,

That feeds on overthinking

And I cannot help it.

Overthinking is a disease,

But I can't help it,

What if I was never meant to be?

By Swastika Sheel Srivastava