5 Seconds When I Feel Scared

By Navita Mathpal

It's a long lonely path and with the fog all around, it's getting dark quicker than usual. Deficiency of street lights through this one-kilometre long route that I need to travel to get home makes the flashlight of my cell phone my sole companion.

It's past seven-thirty and I can hear the sound of the wild coming from the dense forest all around me. The path that I am walking on is sloppy and slippery (due to the rain earlier today), not allowing me to run for it as I might fall and the thought of falling here, where no one but the wild animals will hear me, scares the hell out of me. So here I am, walking slowly towards my house, constantly reassuring myself "I'm going to make it."

Continually turning around to make sure nothing is behind me waiting to make a sudden attack, I steadily move along. You know when you watch a horror movie and your mind starts playing tricks on you and you feel like the ghost in that movie will somehow miraculously haunt you for real. The same thing is happening with me now.

In my mind, I have already become the dinner of Mr Tiger who is mocking me as I've got so little flesh on my body. I am even smiling to myself about my stupid little thought. Anyhow, I can see the first house of our area now and as the dog of that house starts barking at me I know that I've almost made it home and am very much alive. My heart that is pounding hard in my chest starts to calm down a bit and as I lay my foot on the doorstep of my home, having conquered yet another night, I feel brave.

The roads in the hilly areas are not like the ones in the metropolis. They are made by cutting down the mountains with the help of men and machinery. These roads are surrounded by thick forest all around them and when it's dark, you never know what might decide to turn up in front of you.

When I tell people where I live, which is at the bottom of a valley, they are amazed and ask me if I feel scared? Well, the truth is that when I think about it chill runs down my spine but when I start walking down that long lonely path, I am not that scared! Yes, it is very much possible that someday I might have a real encounter with some wild beast who will kill me and eat me up resulting in the end of my existence but this knowledge is not as scary as the one I dread may come true in the course of those 5 seconds.

I live around 4 kilometres away from the main City area i.e. minus the walk down the valley and so to reach home I travel in the local bus which takes around 10 minutes to drop me off at my destination. I remember once when I told the ticket collector where I was heading to, he became a little startled and asked me again to confirm himself. I think he thought he misheard me or something. He also warned me about the wild animals as I got out of the bus. If only he knew that I was not thinking about the wild creatures of the night rather my mind was warning me of the Human-like Demon who might turn up out of nowhere and rob my soul.

I get down, the bus moves on and darkness settles in. I am on the left side of the road and the way home is towards the right. I have to cross the road!

These 5 seconds when I have to cross the road are the most horrifying moments of my life. Wild animals as I mentioned earlier will simply end my life but I am Scared of that Beast that resides inside my fellow human being. I am Scared of those lusty eyes that will see me as an opportunity all alone in the middle of nowhere! I am Scared of that ruthless heart that will not consider that I am a 21-year-old girl who has some dreams in her life! I am Scared that my own species will treat me worse than those wild creatures everyone is so worried sick about! And yes, I am Scared that after all this is over, after this Demon has robbed me of my Dignity, I might have to live with it forever! ( or I might still be alive!)

So yes, I am not Scared of a wild animal who will kill me for its meal but I am Scared of the animal inside some person who might take me as the object of his pleasure and then without feeling any kind of remorse get away with it while I endure the cruel judgment of our society although it was not my fault.

By Navita Mathpal