You And Your Smile

By Ankit Gautam

This morning, gloom followed an epiphany-

A sudden flash knocked at the doors.

Something in the noise suggested

It was not one of the regular chores.

It was something that has torn apart a many.

Yes! You assumption is exactly right.

It was my unrequited love,

Guising as that lovely girl-

Silent, slow, shy, always a notch above-

Her tresses, her fragrance made me twirl.

A glimpse of her

And my eyes defied me as their owner,

Like an obeying elephant gone rogue,

Like grooving in the waves a schooner,

Like a toddling tide on the shore.

She had a smile on-

A smile replete with regret and apology,

A demeanor worthy of royalty,

Carefully choreographed gestures

Like a gush of ecstasy amidst an elegy.

I could not hold myself back and spoke-

I spoke as if one in a million chance,

As a sage speaks in a state of trance-

Eyes shut, eyelids wet,

Fear gripping the nerves,

Verses tripping over the stray words.

Yet I spoke, thus I spoke-

“I have known,

I hold no place in your life-

I moan!

My head bleeds

As it meets your murderous indifference

That no forbearance could ever bear.

It is only the lord of the universe,

Besides me,

Who knows who you are to me,

How high on a pedestal

Do I place thee!

I always wished to lose against you,

The way you chuckle and clap

At your victory

Attaches a meaning to my defeat,

Your squeezed with laughter eyes

And pink cheeks celebrate along

What I would have celebrated alone.

But I am not courageous enough

To be able to lose you when you are not even mine,

Even though I don‘t have enough of it- the courage-

I manage to crush those chills I get,

The bouts of horror and fret.

Here, I march ahead without you,

Possessed by the past

That refuses to come to terms with its time

That is lost.

Crumbling down under the heaps

Of echoes of your voice,

I plan to move on sober and nice

Just the way you advised

With all its virtue and vice,

The other night over the phone call.

Basically, you spelt my doom, my fall.

Dampening my spirits is this truth-

I could not win your heart as your lover,

I could not be someone

Who was dearest to you forever.

Fault of the stars or the curse of the bards

I can‘t say,

What I can say is I loved you every moment-

My past, future and present.

You may never know how low

It is getting for me to walk away

Without any promise

Of meeting again in the day.

Time is all powerful it looks,

It can cast a spell on me

That can turn me into someone

You can cherish and be available for

All the time to caress.

You know, people around me

Slip in unwarranted advice

To get myself a life of a grand size,

To rise above you,

To witness how full of such lies

The world is.

How do I convince them of the place

Where I stand- there is no other world

But you.

Only those few

Who ever fell into this snare knew

About this love,

Of which others could have no clue.

I have seen pilgrims in hers

Moving places to kiss

Blocks of rocks

Out of hopes

That one day, some day,

Their longings would be heard

And responded to

In their own way.

I Don‘t think I made any mistake

Choosing you -who is no stone fake-

To rest my head on.

In fact, you have already sensed

My cravings of and on

And registered your presence-

Subtle and sublime,

As wind dangles those chimes,

Tinkling the incoherent melody

Everywhere in my life that is away flying.

Some say it is my foolishness

And insanity

That in the face of calamity

Has struck me right where it hurts the most.

None says it is my love that is lost,

They say, I commit a sin with impunity.

You lighten me, I glide,

Enlighten me- I rise,

Your smile- the smile that lied

To brighten me and the trails of my journey.

Your voice- that baby voice-

Even Mozart, it seems to me,

Copied that symphony.

Never was there anything more

Than YOU AND YOUR SMILE

For miles and miles ahead.

My heart- oh my heart-

I plead, I bow, don‘t beat now.

Just bleed- bleed until you take the lead

To that place yore

Where there are green meadows,

Turquoise waters, blue skies,

Spring in bloom

And I, a groom, of you - my bride.”

“”Meow”

Lucy, my cat, snuggles up to me now,

Breaking my dwam,

Lugging me out of the afternoon sham.

I open my eyes slowly a chink,

Wipe the lines of tears of years

Rolling to the sides

Right up to my ears.

After I wipe my eyes,

I scan the room far and wide.

There is no one inside.

Only evening sun sieving

Through the dusty panes cleaving

From side to side.

By Ankit Gautam