Winston and Mine

By McKenna Dugdale

If depression is the black dog, then what is anxiety? this seemingly hyperactive other that we cling to in the event of it being right. i think it would be one of those little white rat dogs: walking it and entertaining it throughout the day while denying the fact that its smell and shrill bark are reason enough to not keep it around. some poor sons of bitches take it around with them everywhere. it yaps your ear off all the time; nonsense that irritates and upsets you, but you keep it around because its part of the family i guess. if you got rid of it you definitely wouldn’t get exercise anyway. and hey, dogs can smell cancer and you never know when you’d need that till its too late. so you’ll keep it around no matter how miserable it makes you. your mom also had one growing up and now she can’t envision herself without it. it’ll end up costing you both a lot in doctors visits as you get older; maybe you’ll resent your mom for not getting a cat, but she says those remind her of your father. “too independent” she’d say, “whats the point of caring for a pet that wants nothing to do with you?”

so you avoid those too because theres nothing so disappointing as sinking energy into something that you knew from the beginning was not going to devote the same amount of love to you. but you’re a sucker for them; so when one is pretty enough, and speaks nicely, and looks at you long enough you decide to invite him home. you play around enjoying each other for a bit then he grows bored, or the dog is an obnoxious burden on his existence. and he reminds you that he never meant to make you think he wanted to be yours in the first place. you keep falling for this from him, or other cats like him, and eventually you learn your mother was right: you’re not enough to keep him and that god damn dog. 

so you keep your scraggily white dog, because that won’t leave you, and hope one day you can find a companion that puts up with and embraces that dog.

maybe even quiets it down.

By McKenna Dugdale