Used To. Now I.

By Hope Kostedt

I used to not care how others saw me.

Now I want to be seen as strong, capable, kind.

I used to think of life simply.

Now I see all the danger and complications.

I used to resent my parents for giving me so many siblings.

Now I cannot picture my life being happy without them. 

I used to rely on people more.

Now I do everything I can by myself.

I used to be badass.

Now I am still badass.

I used to look forward to things. 

Now I dread too many of my days.

I used to be chill.

Now I get sick with anxiety.

I used to push people away.

Now I cling to those who have always been there for me.

I used to like spending time with my family.

Now I love spending time with some my family.

I used to hate every day of school.

Now I just want to learn.

I used to give too much of myself to people. 

Now I protect my heart and my body from everyone.

I used to need drinking.

Now I just like drinking.

I used to never want to be by myself.

Now I appreciate being alone.

I used to crave validation. 

Now I am confident in who I am.

I used to look at things from my point of view.

Now I see things from the perspective of others.

I used to enjoy a lot of things.

Now I find it hard to want to do anything.

I used to halfass a lot of stuff.

Now I give my full attention and energy to everything I do.

I used to opt for silence instead of fighting.

Now I am not so silent.

I used to try and come across as a bitch.

Now I am only a bitch to those who deserve it.

I used to sleep terribly.

Now I sleep worse.

I used to keep my emotions locked in.

Now I cry and laugh and seethe and love. 

I used to be.

Now I am. 

By Hope Kostedt