Untitled

By T

Now those stars up there in the sky have staying power. I know I can always count on them. I know that when I look up, that they'll be there for me. the stars here on earth burn out too quickly. they have a moment where they shine so bright but then - poof! - they're gone. just like that they’re merely a memory. sometimes not even that. but with the stars in the sky, i know they’ll be there night after night, to wish upon. I make wishes all the time, you know. i watch for the first star each night and say… ‘star light, star bright, first star i see tonight… i wish i may, wish i might, have the wish i wish tonight…’. I always make the same wish…but I can't tell you what it is. Then it might not come true…and I really want it to come true. I NEED it to come true. (pause) It would change everything. It would change my life. So I go to wishing wells with lucky pennies… You know those pennies you find that people have lost… (chuckle)…unlucky for them.. lucky for me (smile). I toss them in the wells in front of the old museum… And I toss them in the fountains at the mall… each time making my wish. Have you ever wanted anything in your life that badly? so badly that you can't imagine your future without it? Well, I do.  so I won't stop wishing… I can't. 

But…yes, you're right. I have to toughen up… there's always someone who has it worse than me. I'd love to stop being the way I am. I wish I could just look on the bright side and turn that stupid frown upside-down. I wish it were that easy. (sad chuckle) You think its my fault don’t you? You think that’s is all in my head... You’re not the only one. Maybe you’re right - everyone has their own problems. What makes mine any worse than theirs? Maybe it is all just in my head. Something I do to myself for attention. I am using this to hurt YOU. Its always about YOU! Its always about how I affect YOU. its never about how YOU affect ME. But its okay! Its never your fault right? Its always mine? Im doing this allll for attention. Does no one give a shit how I feel? I have to care about how I make everyone else feel. i want someone to care about me enough to stay cause -  hell i’ve have done it for so many people and i deserve love back! i do right? don’t i?

i just need someone… 

why does everyone leave me? 

I just…I just want to matter for once.i want to be loved or am i not worth it (big pause) My star is beginning to burn out and all I can do is sit here and watch it burn. please at least let me be a memory

By T