Too Grey For Morally Grey

By Khalelia Ahmad

“Lets pause, before we get too far ahead,  

let’s not get caught up in this chaotic web, 

So tangled and twisted with mixed signals  

and signs, all the cringy lines that rhyme, 

I’m getting lost, thought these were my  

heart strings, but it’s a web you weaved, 

Causing me to forget the core things that I  

know and believe, we’re not meant to be. 

And yet I’m still caught in this mess that  

you’ve slinged, and I love being here, 

You have other victims but you forget that  

they’re here, staring at you as you speak,  

They’re looking at you but you chose to  

look at me, into me, I’m a prey fully seen, 

Eyes devouring me like I’m a meal that  

you’ve longingly waited to finally need. 

I’d let you bite me, to press your lips – no  

idea if they’re gentle or not – on my neck, 

From the back, trail it down the curve and  

use your fangs to sketch up a little map, 

That’s dangerous in fact, I’m to pull back  

from this infectious morally grey tact, 

Before it gets me sick, before my senses  

cause my body to react from head to toe. 

My face is bluffing but I’m surprised you  

couldn’t tell, I should’ve blushed by now, 

But it’s for the best, I say stop to avoid  

getting obsessed with an idealised version, 

The you that’s romanticised in my mind  

when I notice little snippets of coercion, 

Being pulled in, love undenied until it’s  

my turn to make up a lie, but I’m right. 

We’re not meant to be, boys are for girls  

and the lady within me you can’t even see, 

I’m your prey that you’re not bothered to  

eat, or taste, letting me go to waste, 

My thoughts and feelings too, once spoken  

they’ve already been erased, a disgrace, 

That it was never real, just a convincing  

illusion that came with your intrusion. 

Let’s pause, in hopes that the sudden halt  

will bring the rising tension to a silent end,  

Undermine me again like my enemies did  

so I’ll seek you out less, I love morally grey, 

But your grey is just a couple shades too  

dark for me to stay, it dims my light down, 

Puts my flame out, I can’t trust you now  

like you trust me, we’re not meant to be. 

And if we were I would’ve been able to tell  

by now, so I frown at your lips, its words, 

Bound by absurd assumptions, accusations  

that my inner child is deeply triggered by, 

Verbally predatorial is how it sounds but I  

use my silence to escape from your hold, 

Untold if I’ll make it out, but believe I will,  

because if you truly ever saw me, I say; 

You would have already loved me by now.” 

By Khalelia Ahmad