Those Nights

By Shivani Arora

Those nights where I wanted to cuddle

I couldn’t because too much closeness

can make the pacifier a lot scared

and perhaps scarred for life

Those nights where I wanted to enjoy

without the worry of any external feature

I always had a lingering thought in mind

I didn’t want to lose my friends over torture

Those nights where I wanted to feel free

I wanted to pleasure myself

the thoughts that I don’t feel girlish enough

Made me stop and lose those feelings on a shelf

Those nights when I wanted to try new styles

I just wondered how long would it take

to make me accustomed to it and the suffocation

I hid my watery eyes at the feel of reality’s fate

Those nights where I wanted to let myself lose

enjoy the stars with the one I love and admire

with the constant thought of something going wrong

I ended up alone and feeling more alive but with ire

Those nights where I imagined loving new dresses

I wanted experimentation and the pleasure of it

the thought of the awkward combination made my feet retrace

and I decided to let go of those things to become a misfit

By Shivani Arora