The Woman In The Man

By Ragni

You know when u asked me what was it that made me this?

I had no answers, I still don’t have

The feelings that I feel, the emotions that I have

I hope had a name; I hope I had stayed and remained

The feeling of going away and starting afresh is constant

I don’t want anyone by my side, but I am also scared to go

The sides I always wanted, are no more by my side

Irony is I put my trust again in someone, Make myself the same vulnerable

Put myself all out,

Tried to trust again, tried to feel loved and motivated

But all are the same, put me through the same ordeal

Be it father, friend or love, all men have broken the deal

I asked for roof, all I got were challenges,

I asked for a provider, I got a trader

Trader of feelings, trader of smiles

Feelings with coldness and tears with smiles

Empty and shallow is what I feel,

I feel used. All used me in different ways,

Some saw me as replacement to take decisions,

Some to be responsible, some to wade away loneliness

And I again out of love, gave away whatever I had,

To fill them up, I vacated myself

Love I had for them was so pure,

But every time was questioned about my intentions

I was difficult I was said, and crazy was the name I had

Yeah!! Crazy I was, but crazy for love, companionship and laughter

Crazy because I didn’t see the motive behind love, selfishness behind the care

Everything was one-sided that was shared

A lot was expected out of me,

A good daughter I had to be,

A wife to share life and a friend that kept smiling!

I did all, I said what was good to hear,

I studied, married, paid the bills

I smiled thru tears, I played along, I waited

The soft me, the woman in me, always dressed as a man,

I provided, I cared, I paid and now

I waited for my turn, my turn to receive, my turn to get my roof

My turn for my provider,

Turned out that the more manly I appeared, the coyer I was.

The strong shell I had, broke and the soft me wanted it all

Wanted care, support, pamper and love from all

By Ragni