The Unheld Hands of Girls Who Don't Fall In Love

By Sidhi Gupta

She holds many things;

Onto hope, onto the future, onto the “maybe one days”

But her hands weren’t made to be held by curious boys,

Or on nervous first dates, a ping pong match of eye contact.

Her hands were made to pet stray cats, and pick up lady bugs.

Maybe he hands weren’t held by secret lovers,

But that wasn’t part of the Maslow’s Hierarchy

She bit her nails down to the quick, and wiped the blood on dark denim

She buttoned up her formal school uniform,

Fingers interlacing over loose threads, fabric like skin

Warm from the iron, she placed her hands on it and held.

The uniform got cold again, the residue of blue were on her fingertips

When she was younger her once superstitious mother held her forearm,

Her touch was gentle, her callouses were rough

A palm reader took her hands in his—

She flinched back, looked at the old man’s white hair and his long beard

He pointed to the skies, told the girl she’d be a pilot, teacher, and astronaut

Took her palms, tracing the canyons and crevices

She’d rolled her eyes, went back to making bracelets,

And sergeanting her younger cousins.

Nine novembers later, and she was on a floor

Romance dripped from marbled tiles, and engulfed fruit punches,

boys asked girls who were friends to be more

Her inch heels made her six feet tall, and her blue dress was dripping with sweat

Her hands by her side as she swayed to the Ke$ha that played.

Her hands were lonely and frostbitten, her fingernails were turning to stone

She watched boys hold her friends hips, moving in a familiar and foreign dance

To her right, a couple held hands, tight in a trance

She closed her eyes, wondered what it would be like for a faceless boy to glance over

at her,

Take her fingers to his lips, whisk her away, running to France,

Holding each other's hands

She wouldn’t know the difference between metal and muscle, between fish or flesh,

She’d hold onto anything if it meant her unheld hands were held.

But that’s not what happened, it never would be in the end, even if it's what she

dreamed of

That’s what happened to unheld hands of girls who didn’t fall in love

By Sidhi Gupta