The Perfect Contradiction

By Melisande Corlett

They tell me the pen is stronger than the sword, so here I am writing in pursuit of justice, with expectations of change. But as my hands grow weak from expressing the constant thoughts that transfer from my mind I seem to be running out of things to say. The ink in my pen is filled with the black blood of those tragically slain by pale faces and the ink in my pen is down to its last drop. Please don’t misinterpret my previous statement, it's just that we, the people, have traveled this road of injustice too many times before. We’ve marched, protested, and chanted with integrity for those black lives taken too soon, but when the hashtags eventually subside from the media and everyone resumes their normal routine, only a few are always left to discuss the racial biases that continue to plague our nation. Please forgive me for asking, but what happens when hashtags of black lives stop trending? Do black lives still matter while black life is still among the living or do they only matter when black lives are among the deceased? Please forgive me for asking, but am I the only one who recognizes that we as a people aren't cut from the same cloth as our ancestors? We lack the persistence and tenacity to keep a movement alive, so when a hush gradually falls over the pandemonium, we seem to fall into a desensitized state yet again.

And please forgive me for asking, but why is it that we extend to our Caucasian counterparts respite and infinite reprieve? Especially when it seems presumptuous for major white-owned corporations to suddenly reposition themselves in support of our movement against racial discrimination. And suddenly these corporate giants have decided to write letters in recognition of the beloved deceased and donate a few thousand dollars in support of our cause. And suddenly, every Caucasian civilian in town has joined together to overextend their sympathy, blended with simulated appreciation for the black community. And suddenly, businesses close their doors to the public for a day, maybe even two, to honor the memory of fallen black men and women, and before you know it, they’re invited to the sacred family reunion. Just like that, all is forgiven. A few letters and memorials later and suddenly every white person is pardoned, just like that. I presume if they play their cards right and show a little rhythm in their step we might even allow them to use the “N” word as a term of endearment for us instead of a derogatory remark against us. Forgive me for asking, but when did the bare minimum become sufficient? As if the negligible effort they’ve displayed time and time again is adequate and worthy of absolution. Please forgive me, but if you ask me I believe they’re too late - approximately 300 years too late. So why is it that we absolve them of the sins they’ve committed against us with such ease, but we judge our own with such brutal intensity? Why is it that we’re quicker to convey white folk amnesty, but we would rather carry a grudge to the grave against our own? Please forgive me for asking, can someone please remind me why we want justice from them when we won’t even show mercy to each other? Do we desire justice from them, so when they finally refrain from eradicating our race, we can continue with the eradication of our own nation - our own people? Every day, black lives are being slaughtered behind the scenes, but the black lives matter movement seems to only travel down a one-way street, especially when black blood is dripping from black hands.

Forgive me for asking, but what if the #BlackLivesMatter was a two-edged sword that held both parties accountable for their actions? Perhaps then we’d experience a change so significant it would become permanent. We want justice, but won’t show mercy or perhaps it’s equality that we seek. Even so, how can we request equality when we won’t even accept each other? Among the many complexities that torment our nation, colorism still severely defines and divides the African American race and the relentless battle of the sexes has resulted in dishonorable treatment of black women by many black men. And herein lies the problem: these are two main concerns that affect our race from within, NOT from the out. We say our people are long overdue for healing and our nation is still suffering from the same burdens our ancestors carried to their graves, yet we refuse to identify and acknowledge the very disillusions that have stunted the growth and development of our own race. We have become oblivious to our collective plight and it appears as though we’ve disregarded our internal issues in exchange for the redirection of our mutual anguish in pursuit of justice. And what then, when we finally receive it? What then, when we are finally equal? What then, when racism is neutralized? What then, when we are acquitted? Will we proceed with the purge of our own race? Will we continue to diminish our own people? Will our people still be divided and defined by color? Please forgive me for asking, but am I the only one who recognizes that the psychological state of our people is in critical condition?

Please don’t let my words be misconstrued or taken out of context. We, the people of the African American race, have legitimate cause to be infuriated and frustrated by these racial injustices; our pain is plausible. It’s just that it seems hypocritical to seek justice BEFORE we seek intervention. Our nation requires healing, and for us to be effective in this movement, we must first engage in mediation before we pursue litigation. Of course, we could continue the fight against the racial injustices of today and tomorrow, but it would all be for naught if we don’t start with us. Please forgive me for asking, but when will we, the people of the African American race, realize that there is power in unadulterated strength and unity? When will we realize that our unity is what terrifies anti-black people most because a united force is more dangerous than a fractured one operating out of emotion? Where there is unanimity there is also a greater difficulty to cause division. Forgive me for asking, but am I the only one bold enough to say what we are all thinking? Please forgive me for asking, but am I the only one who realizes that they’d rather give us the placebo instead of the cure? And when justice is served for those black lives that were executed will that be enough to satisfy us? Will the movement regress once again? Forgive me for asking, but when will the pressure we apply in pursuit of justice become constant and not conditional?

Please do not mistake my words. I am not acrimonious nor am I hopeless. It's just that, the more things change the more they remain the same. I was told to ”be the change you wish to see,” but that mantra doesn’t seem to be very effective for me. The livelihood of my race has been reduced to the margin of life where we have been oppressed for centuries, so please pardon me if I am not overjoyed by the delayed apologies and support from white people. So, forgive me for asking, but am I the only one who realizes that we are still being hunted? I implore you to forgive me for asking, but am I the only one who recognizes that George Floyd is not where the extermination of our race began - that is merely where it resumed? His life should be a lesson, and his publicized death: the rebirth of insurrection. We have the metamorphic blueprint for a delayed resolution that will echo throughout generations, but where is our Nat Turner to lead the revolution? Perhaps he, too, is busy, distracted by insignificant quarrels with his brothers. For a very “woke” society everyone seems to be in slumber mode concerning the turmoil brewing within our own race. Could it be that the imbalance of these disparities has eluded us? Perhaps our shared common priorities are out of alignment. Be that as it may, a conflict of interest is definitely evident.

And yet the strides we have taken seem to be easily undone while we quietly watch as our efforts are stripped away without any demands or reparations? Where is the magic pill for peace? Where is the healing potion for me? Maybe as a community, we aren’t mature enough to engage in this particular discussion. Perhaps the memory of the wounds they’ve inflicted for centuries is far too deep therefore to address our open wounds would result in a revival of agony from our collective past. Perhaps we’ve been operating out of brokenness for so long that we’ve become accustomed to its sting, and the purpose our pain has given us has restructured our foundation and redefined our nation. I understand we are tired and in need of rest, but I often wonder if our ancestors, like Harriet Tubman, would be proud of what we've chosen to accept, but don't allow my wonder to plant seeds of possibility in your mind. Maybe I’m just thinking out loud, hence this open letter has no real structure and the lack of structure is simply a reflection of every recent protest. Maybe if we'd just show each other some grace and compassion... Maybe if we’d just support each other first... But even then, will it be enough?... Maybe one day we’ll finally reach the promised land; maybe one day we won’t. Maybe we’ll find out the day after the world ends. Maybe I’m blinded by rage just like the rest of you. Maybe I’m just sharing my thoughts in search of clarity. But please, forgive me for asking.

By Melisande Corlett