The Light of Certainty

By Hrishit Pandey

I was lying in a dark room. Dark space - on a ground. Cemented ground. Marbled. Tiled in places too. Ever since I became aware of the fact that I have awareness - I have been lying here. There is no concept of time for me - only space. I have always existed here. I am a mattress. An uncovered one. Still lacking an active mahogany suitor of four legs. To take me off where I am. To change my space. To maybe change me? I was the kind which accommodates for the uncertain guests. My vision has been static since a long time. The room has remained dark for a long time. I could only see darkness. Nothing else. I always carry this burden of insecurity that others around me don’t see me. I know for sure that these lamps, these stools, these beds have an inner voice too. They have their vision as well. They maybe can’t talk with each other. But they communicate. I have seen the bed shake hysterically occasionally. Whenever that happens, the stools, the lamps, the bulbs, the fans - all shake too. They truly follow each other. Even the ground - the one I am lying on shakes. Sometimes, even causing me disturbance. Maybe they don’t like the space that I take away from their ground. Maybe they’re all jealous of my homogeneity. I cannot think otherwise.

Suddenly light filled the room. After so long. I can finally see. I was excited. Commotion after a long time. What will happen now? Who is here? Who are they picking this time? Who will be used?

Nothing of significance happened. The lights went out. I was a little surprised and sad. But I could sense that someone was still in the room. I can feel the presence. The one who entered has not left. When I heard a swift ‘slurp’ sound. The curtains at the extreme wall of the room. The ones directly opposite to me opened. Maybe this someone particularly wanted sunlight and not the electrical light. Maybe that’s why. But it contributed little to my excitement. The window was far from me. The bed in between was blocking all the light. That is one hell of a jealous bed. I will be desperately waiting for its mattress to go for cleaning.

My silent rant ended very soon. A big hand. A very big palm. Disturbed my rest. With a sudden jolt of disruption came a violently iniquitous attack - targeted directly at my peace. The hand struck against me. Shaking me entirely. I could feel the inertia entering my body as a result of the tremors from the middle of me - the mattress. It did not just stop at mere shaking. It was not just a measly disturbance. Instead I could feel myself rising up. Against the gravity away from the ground. For the first time, I felt something like this. What was happening to me? There was still darkness. But as I slowly ascended the air, slowly I could see the light beams slanting their way down to reach me. The angle slowly shifted. The theta slowly reduced. As it was perfectly perpendicular after some time. Right in front of me were the open windows. Light was falling on me. For the first time I felt seen. I knew others were able to see me. Then, a slow breeze came out of nowhere and it slightly tilted me - shifting my vision. I was no longer looking ahead. Instead I was looking at the ground. From where I flew up. What I saw. What I saw. Made me question everything. I saw the mattress, the same mattress that I believed I had been the entire time still lying down. I could feel the light getting reflected off me. But what was I? I was invisible? I was just a reflection dangling freely in the air swimming around looking for its identity. What am I exactly? I felt weightless. I could not feel anything. I was wandering in the air weightlessly. Shifting from one space to another.

Then. The person who had suddenly decided to make me question my reality. Further pressed upon their point by turning on the light. The bright electric light. Way more intensified than the sunlight. I was still falling mid-air when this happened. Suddenly my vision became overcrowded with likes of me. Uncountable of them. Same like me. Mid air. Some were dangling, some were falling and some were rising. They were all reflecting my situation to me. They were mere dust particles. I was dust too. I was nothing more. Until few moments ago I was egoistic enough to be jealous of the mattress lying on the bed. Because I was sure - that I am a mattress as well. An unlucky one, lying on the floor. Still a mattress. But now it appears that I was nothing more than a dust particle resting on the mattress. My reality was so frail that it lost its shape from a mere jolt.

My true reality though. My true reality is even sadder. In that light what illuminated brighter than the room were the dust particles; infinitely many of them - coming into terms of what they are for the first time in a while. It was a revelation. I understood what every other dust was going through. There was a mass-hysteria epidemic mid-air - one about identifying themselves; one about not accepting who they are.

I had dangled my way through the length of the room. I was near the window now. I had almost touched the curtains. When the lights went out again. It was dark again. In that darkness of gloom, the same hand came around me - plucked hard at the curtains. Swooshing them close. As the cloth responded to the request, I got stuck around the bottom of one of them. The curtains had now completely covered the window. There was darkness in the room again. . . .

I was lying in a dark room. Dark space - against a wall. Plastered wall. Painted. Tiled in places too. Ever since I became aware of the fact that I have awareness - I have been lying here. There is no concept of time for me - only space. I have always existed here. I am a curtain.

By Hrishit Pandey