The Imperfect Man

By Ashok Mitra

‘’Passengers, please fasten your seat belts and sit upright’’ came the announcement as the Air India flight prepared to take-off from Mumbai to Kolkata. Two passengers sitting on adjacent seats were talking to each other. One of them was Shekhar Roy, who was returning to Kolkata after a successful business trip. While speaking to his co-passenger, Shekhar observed a lady walking past him. His breath hitched as he recognised her instantly. It was Keya, someone he had once loved, fifteen years ago. Sensing Shekhar's distraction, his co-passenger asked, "Is everything alright?" Caught off guard, Shekhar composed himself and rejoined the conversation. Meanwhile, Keya took her seat a few rows ahead, her adjacent seat unoccupied. A restless urge stirred within Shekhar - should he say hello ? 

After battling hesitation, he finally gathered the courage. Excusing himself, he walked towards her and said, "Hi, do you recognize me ?"

Keya, completely taken by surprise, looked at Shekhar and took some time to react. 

‘’Yes, very much. How are you ?‘’, she said.

Shekhar replied, ‘’I am doing okay. You ?‘’ 

Keya said, ‘’I am doing fine’’. 

After a moment’s pause, Shekhar asked, “Would you mind if I sit here ? It’s vacant.”

Keya looked at him briefly and nodded. As he settled into the seat beside her, an awkward silence lingered between them. Both seemed unsure of how to begin Gradually, the conversation unfolded. 

Shekhar learnt that Keya’s mother had passed away five years ago. Her siblings, however, were well-settled and doing fine. She now ran a social organization and had been to Mumbai on work.

He asked her, “So, where do you stay in Kolkata now ? I can drop you home from the airport.”

Keya replied, “That’s kind of you, but I have my own transport. Besides, I don’t live in Kolkata anymore. I am headed to Jamshedpur.”

Shekhar blinked. “Jamshedpur ?”

“Yes. Why?” Keya asked, tilting her head slightly.

“No… just thinking.” Shekhar looked away, his thoughts momentarily drifting elsewhere.

There was a brief silence. Shekhar hesitated, unsure whether to ask more about Keya’s life. He didn’t want to seem intrusive, yet curiosity tugged at him. Finally, unable to hold back, he asked her gently who she stayed with in Jamshedpur. Keya looked at him briefly before replying that she lived alone. She did not elaborate further. Shekhar chose not to probe. Sensing the slight awkwardness, Keya tried to ease the moment. She had a composed expression with small, unspoken gestures that reassured Shekhar that the conversation was still welcome.

Shekhar asked, “Where is your husband ?”

With a flicker of pain in her eyes Keya said, “I got married twelve years ago. My husband worked for a large industrial group. Five years back, he died in a work-related accident.’’ 

Shekhar’s face fell. “Oh God…I am so sorry. That must have been incredibly difficult for you.”

Keya nodded. “The company provided me with a part-time job and a flat, along with a lump sum settlement. It helped, but…” She let the sentence trail off.

After a brief pause, she shifted the conversation. “What about you ? How is your wife ?”

Shekhar exhaled lightly. “Not too sure. She must be doing well.”

Keya frowned. “What ? You don’t know how your wife is doing ?”

He met her questioning gaze and clarified, “Koel and I got divorced three years ago.”

A look of surprise, followed by quiet understanding, crossed Keya’s face. “I am sorry to hear that. And your children ?”

“My son and daughter live with their mother,” Shekhar replied, a trace of longing in his voice.

Though Keya was curious to know the reason for the divorce, she chose not to broach the subject. Shekhar, sensing her unspoken question, proactively took the plunge in divulging his personal story. 

Keya learnt that Koel was an extroverted and charismatic woman who thrived on social interactions. She was smart, attractive and full of life - qualities that had initially drawn Shekhar to her. Koel had reciprocated his feelings, and for Shekhar, everything had seemed vibrant, almost magical. Their love had blossomed effortlessly, culminating in a grand wedding celebrated with much joy and fanfare. The first few years of marriage were beautiful. Life had felt perfect, until the cracks began to show.

Over time, the demands of Shekhar’s job had intensified. As the sole earning member, he felt a deep sense of responsibility toward his family’s well-being. Long hours at the office became a necessity. Though he tried to balance everything, he often found himself returning home late, exhausted. This meant he had little time for Koel and the children, which often frustrated her. She expected Shekhar to accompany her to social gatherings, a request that wasn’t unreasonable, but after gruelling workdays, all Shekhar often wanted was to unwind at home with a refreshing drink. It wasn’t that he disliked socialising, but the constant pressure to step out, even when drained, began to wear him down. At first, he tried to adjust, but over time, the strain - both physical and emotional - became overwhelming.

Koel, however, was unwilling to compromise. She saw Shekhar’s reluctance as an inability to manage work-life balance and felt he was neglecting his responsibilities at home. Their differences extended beyond just time spent together. A major point of contention was their children’s upbringing.

Koel strongly believed that sending them to a boarding school would make them independent and better prepared for the real world. Shekhar, on the other hand, opposed the idea. He believed that a strong familial bond and shared values were essential in shaping a child’s character. To him, raising their children within the warmth of home was far more important than the discipline of boarding school. As these differences piled up, so did the resentment. What had once been small disagreements soon grew into irreconcilable conflicts, pushing them further apart.

As Shekhar narrated his story, emotions overwhelmed him. He was seeking solace, and Keya, sensing his turmoil, gently held his hand in an attempt to calm him down. He took a deep breath and continued, “One day, I had a particularly rough time at work and came home mentally exhausted. I wanted to share my anxieties with Koel, hoping for some comfort. But she didn’t seem to understand my state of mind. Instead, she insisted that I accompany her to a party. I was so tired and not in the mood to go out. When I refused, she was visibly upset and decided to go alone.”

He paused - his voice heavy with the remembrance of the past. “She returned home quite late that night. I was worried about her safety and could not sleep. When she walked in, I told her I wasn’t comfortable with her coming back alone at such an hour. But instead of understanding my concern, she flared up. She thought I was questioning her character, that I did not  trust her. From that point on, things only got worse.”

Shekhar exhaled; his tone resigned. “I am not saying I was perfect, but our relationship spiralled downward to a point where separation became inevitable. Eventually, we got divorced. To make things worse, she turned the children against me.”

Keya listened intently, feeling the pain and despair in his words. Their initial hesitation to open up had completely faded. In its place was a deep sense of empathy and understanding - two people reconnecting, not just through shared memories, but through the unspoken acknowledgment of life’s hardships.

Keya : So how do you spend your time now ?

Shekhar : I try to be busy with work. But it is not always easy - I do feel lonely !

Keya : I can assure you that keeping yourself engaged, especially with things you love, will help you overcome loneliness. I say this from experience. Let go of the bitter past, embrace the vibrant present and move forward toward a fulfilling future.

Shekhar : Yes, I agree. You know what - there are some fond memories, which however much I try to erase, get more imprinted in the mind. I am not talking about Koel…

Keya could immediately sense where the conversation was heading. She quickly responded stating that there was no point dwelling on those memories, even if they are etched in the mind. However, Shekhar, desperate to express himself, pleaded that Keya should give a patient hearing towards his pent up feelings. His voice was filled with a desire to speak his heart out without fear of judgment.

Shekhar grasped Keya's hand tightly, his voice breaking with regret. “I am really sorry for how I moved away from our relationship. I was immature. Please, forgive me for my imperfections.” He paused, his eyes filled with sincerity as he continued, “Looking back, I realize that my connection with Koel began out of lust. It was something physical, which eventually morphed into a relationship. There was more attraction than compatibility, but I was blind to that at the time. I got carried away, unaware of the deeper implications.” He took a deep breath and continued, “And I won’t be exaggerating when I say, introspectively, that I’ve truly loved only one person. It’s you, Keya.”

Keya felt a wave of discomfort wash over her as Shekhar’s words took an emotional turn. She wasn’t sure how to respond and a part of her wanted to shift the conversation to something else. Yet, despite her uneasiness, she allowed Shekhar to continue, giving him the space to articulate the feelings he had long kept hidden.

Shekhar : I feel guilty. You never even asked me why I wanted to move out of our relationship.

Keya, pulling herself out of her earlier reticence, replied with a mix of sadness and calm, “You told me, ‘Keya, I am feeling somewhat detached from you. I don’t think I can do justice to this relationship if I am in it. Do you remember ?’ Her voice softened. “That day, I was overwhelmed with sadness, anger and a sense of insult. My self-respect wouldn’t allow me to seek any explanations from you. But deep down, I knew…I could sense that there was another woman in your life. At first, I was devastated. I would sulk and cry. But then, I trained myself to control my emotions, to understand that love and bonding shouldn’t come through force - they come naturally, through spontaneity. And so, in the end, I realised I was wise enough to let you go, without ever attempting to hold you back.”

Shekhar : I was trying to be honest, by articulating exactly how I felt at that time. I did not want to play any game with you, trust me ! Sorry, that I hurt you so much. I am sure, you hate me for that and have plenty of grievances against me.

Keya :  No, I don’t .

Shekhar : I am surprised. The fact that I let my commitment drift apart did not create any negativity in you in the long run - so much stoicism ?

Keya : Whether you call me stoic or anything else, my philosophy of life will not change. I am neither too attached, nor too detached from anyone. This gives me peace.

Shekhar : How ?

Keya :  Too much attachment gives rise to expectations, which if not fulfilled, result in dissonance. Equally, too much detachment will push me into loneliness which in turn can lead to catastrophe.

Shekhar : Your maturity amazes me. 

Keya : Have you ever tried to know yourself intimately ?

Shekhar :  Yes, I have discovered that there are two facets of my personality. One is about getting attracted to glamour, flamboyance, vivacity, charm, physical appearance of an individual - perhaps the reason why I got attracted to Koel. But there is also another trait, which is far more dominant, something that I did not have the maturity to realise before.

Keya : What’s that ?

Shekhar : My predilection for calm, comforting, empathetic and affectionate individual exuding warmth. All these traits I found in you Keya, but as ill luck would have it, I was not destined to enjoy the blissful togetherness with you in my life’s long journey.

Keya did not know how to react. There was a stillness around. Keya was strong enough to control her emotions. Shekhar became nostalgic. He started narrating how he and Keya first met in college and later got close to each other - the lovely time they spent together in the college, the picnics together, the college socials together, the movies, musicals and dramas together, the gastronomic delights at the restaurants together! Also how Keya used to come to his house regularly, when Shekhar was unwell for a long period and in that process how they became even closer. 

Keya became nostalgic too. She asked Shekhar, ‘’Do you still watch movies at Nandan or go for dramas and art exhibitions at the Academy of Fine arts ?

Shekhar : No, not really.

Keya : Why ? No one to go with ?

Shekhar : True !  After a pause, with a firmness in his voice he said, ‘’Will you be my companion ?’’

Keya laughingly said, ‘’To watch the movies and the dramas together ? You still have your sense of humour intact, I must say.’’

Shekhar tried to impress on Keya that this was not humour, rather an earnest request. He 

re-emphasised that he was very lonely, no matter how much he kept himself busy with work, colleagues and friends. He also stated that he lacked the motivation to keep himself busy with creative things and was slowly losing the sense of purpose in life. He appealed to Keya for help, his voice almost a whisper. Keya looked at him with concern and asked how she could help him. Shekhar replied, ‘‘ Please be my lifelong partner here onwards. I want to marry you, Keya. After my divorce, as I rediscovered myself, I felt an innate pull to reconnect with you. I searched for you so much, but in vain. And now, by sheer fate, we have met again. I am sure this has some meaning !’’

Hope flickered in Shekhar’s eyes as he awaited her response. Keya, though deeply empathetic toward his loneliness, remained composed. She spoke gently yet firmly, "Shekhar, the strength and clarity you see in me today didn’t come easily. It took years of struggle, reflection and perseverance. I have dedicated myself to a greater cause. There are countless destitute families, orphans - people who have no one to turn to. They need me more than I need companionship. Please don’t make me weak - allow me to stay steadfast in my commitment. Let me live the life I have chosen for myself."

Shekhar was devastated. His world, for a brief moment, had filled with hope - only to be gently, but undeniably, shattered. He fought to contain his emotions, but tears streamed down his face, defying the expected stereotypes of how men should carry themselves in public.

He swallowed hard, then reached for Keya’s hands one last time. "I won’t lie - I feel heartbroken. But perhaps today, my love for you has transformed into something even deeper… respect ! I pray you find all the happiness and strength you need to walk the path you have chosen. God bless you, Keya."

With a heavy heart, Shekhar slowly got up from his seat. A storm of emotions clouded his mind as he turned away and walked back to his original place, carrying with him the weight of unspoken memories and the quiet dignity of unfulfilled love.

By Ashok Mitra