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The Grief Untold

By Atul Kumar Saurabh


Scared of this dark world, illusioned by shining lanterns and luminaries my uncontrolled mind tends to take shelter of them, the flickering lamp distracts me from my own self within, I lament at the choices that I make. The days pass by in insignificant work not knowing of my real goal and the unfulfilled longing, wasted, not realising my end is near. I know deep inside within, the voice that sparks up my real existence is crying inside me begging to please listen, deafened by the external attachments not knowing what to do, I am plunged into the pool of deep dark existence. To whom shall I tell this tale of grief, finding everyone around me in the same well of sorrow, I couch myself away.

I spend my days frivolously in dark in blindness, everyone is going to leave me one day. Is this what my destination is, a lonely state of affair? I jump out in the darkness, to set myself flee from the caged concrete walls, not knowing where to go now I am bewildered. I started running to outrun this state, as fast as I could, gasping. Clock says 5 of the dawn, I drag my body to the riverside, a companion to talk to. Reaching Numb and cold in the oblivion I look at horizon, the sun



about to rise. I wonder if the sun feels me, hears me and shares with me now. Himself tirelessly spreading rays across, what is source of his inspiration. I close my eyes in a deep state of grief I plea for a ray of hope, that which can show me the path out of this darkness, is anyone hearing me down here? A tear rolls down my cheek. Ah! The next breath makes me feel I am not doing it right; the next breath tells me that this grief is of the semblance of what I think I am. The next breath runs a shiver down my body questioning Who am I then? I feel eternal now, I feel sheltered coming out of the carcass of the dark existence, I shed the identification with beliefs that caught me.

I rise up to gush of positivity in my heart, gather courage to fight the uncertainty life has pulled me in again. Trying to hold up the feeling, ephemeral it is, but a splendour. Ah! I walk down the road back, with a heart of gratitude to the river, the sun, the horizon, kindling my heart. I reach my dingy little residence, my fellow roomie panic-stricken, "Man, where the hell were you?". I smiled and hugged him, "In heaven, for a short-while".



By Atul Kumar Saurabh




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