The "Changed" Me

By Arteafishyal

While searching for an unknown person with a blurred image, I realized that I was unknowingly rebuilding an image of someone whom I knew very well. Forgetting totally about what I was searching for, I paused to sort this puzzle. Though this new image felt the same, if I thought about the identity; it was different. The identity gave the impression of someone who stood more confident and independent as compared to the prior puzzled impression of someone being lost.

Putting a bit of strain on my mind to rewind and check how I had built this image and to check who this person was, I finally got my answer.

It was "me".

I had changed, yes I had.

I realized that the obstacles that felt like big boulders in my path of life had proven to become enlightening pixels of this new image of mine. The decisions made by me at those critical moments of my life when I felt there was no one for me proved to strengthen me and enhance my identity.

The big losses in this journey of life enhanced my strength as they determined how much more I could resist. I also realized that while supporting others on their way, so that they don't fall apart, I had become self-dependent. Now, I did not need any support and I had healed my handicap.

However, the thought of losing myself had always made me fear change.

Though I felt lost in this busy world in search of my identity (and the identity of others), which I had lost along with the losses which could never be repaid now; I did not want to lose the qualities that once defined my identity. I did not ever want to lose my traits of being childish, being straightforward and empathizing with the unhappiness of others to the extent that I could handle it alone, and being able to see myself in the mirror without feeling sorry for anything.

For a moment I went into deep thought filled with fear. Had I lost all those qualities of mine?

Softly but firmly, a voice answered from within:

No.

I hadn't lost them. I had changed but was not yet done. A change that made me feel stronger.

The feeling of not being appreciated for doing something good for someone did not matter to me. Rather, all I thought about was that I should never waste any chance of helping the other; no matter whether that person is worthy of it or not.

But there were still many things that were left to be learned and I should say experienced to refine this picture of mine.

I must try even harder until I succeed in this goal to refine myself. I should use my patience and my strength to satisfy the appetite to learn more and more so I can deal with new challenges in this journey of mine.

By Arteafishyal