The Break In The Loop

By Seerat Sidhu

Rani Laxmi Bai came into my dreams. She wanted me to serve our nation by being the intellect.

I was an ordinary child, with my hands both in academics and sports. My ‘normal’ days were spent like and with the other normal kids. My parents were both surgeons, and I had a comfortable life. Until that dreadful day. I woke up, and the driver, Sharma Uncle, drove me to school like usual, but I never reached back home that day. On our way back, we had stopped by the market to buy a keychain for my friend's birthday. While Sharma Uncle was away, I saw a whimpering figure of a little puppy by the road. Unable to resist the urge, I got out to pet the little creature. As I bent down, a dark man came running towards me and tried to snatch my bracelet, which he thought was made of gold. He pushed me onto the road as I resisted. I fell hard on my back, and everything moved in slow motion. I heard someone scream as I looked to my right. A truck sped towards me, and my body refused to move. The next moment was a blur, but I remember Sharma Uncle rushing towards me. I tried to get up, but I couldn't move my leg. And when I opened my eyes next, I was lying in a hospital room. The truck had crushed my leg, and it had to get amputated. I no longer had my left leg.

Those were the good old days, as my grandfather would say while he talked about his childhood. I felt the same. The accident made me a totally different person. I couldn't go out to play; I couldn't swim, nor could I go out alone. I was 14 when that happened. I had wasted my two years trying to recover from it. When I finally went back to school after three months, everybody looked at me with pity. Everybody treated me like a totally different person; some even made fun of my amputated leg. I used to cry every night, wishing to go back to being normal.

But I had to move on too.

On one of my hardest nights, I had a dream. I had just completed reading a chapter about Rani Laxmi Bai for my exam, and I wondered how alone she would've felt when she lost her husband. I wished I could be brave like she was. I wished I had her perseverance and willpower. As I drifted off to sleep, my subconscious mind woke. I saw her, Rani Laxmi Bai, sitting on her horse, with her son tied to her chest. She looked at me and offered me a hand. I tried getting up but failed again. I felt tears rolling down, and then she spoke. She spoke, "It shone at the age of fifty-seven. That sword was old. Fought gallantly, she was the Queen of Jhansi." I recognized the poem from my Hindi textbook and looked up at her; her hand still held out. 

When I woke up the next morning, I was determined to do better. My mother set me up for therapy, and that is where I got into these nerdy games. I became addicted to playing Sudoku, chess, and scribbling, as well as learning languages. I would solve numerous puzzles and soon tried my hand at creative writing. I was finally alive again, more than ever. I had found my new power, my brain. I was at the top of my class and excelled at solving puzzles. My new ambition was to be a member of the RAW advisors. Even though I couldn't move around and do what others could, I could talk in multiple languages, read people, and think critically. I had finally found my purpose in life. I had gotten into RAW after facing a lot of criticism and my share of ups and downs. But now that I look back, it was all worth it. I had planned and helped execute numerous missions. I finally felt worthy and had done my bit for my Bharat.

By Seerat Sidhu