Tai Chi Walking - By Tanya Warnakulasuriya

Written By: Tanya Warnakulasuriya (writing as T.P. Tovenaar performing as The Twitchy Witch)

Category: Poetry

Competition: Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026

In a captivating entry for the Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026, Tanya Warnakulasuriya, writing as T.P. Tovenaar, presents "Tai Chi Walking." This poem, performed by The Twitchy Witch, humorously explores themes of friendship, modern fitness trends, and the humorous realities of transformation promises. With her unique style, Tanya provides a reflective yet entertaining narrative that resonates with many, especially those navigating the challenges of self-image and social expectations.

About the Work

"Tai Chi Walking" artfully blends humor and poignancy, offering a satirical take on the promises of fitness apps and the lengths to which people go to achieve societal ideals. Through vivid imagery and engaging dialogue, the poem delves into the dynamics of friendship and deception. Tanya's narrative style captivates readers, questioning the authenticity of quick-fix solutions and highlighting the often overlooked personal battles faced in the pursuit of transformation.

Tai Chi Walking

Original Submission by Tanya Warnakulasuriya (writing as T.P. Tovenaar performing as The Twitchy Witch)

Tai Chi Walking

By T.P. Tovenaar

Read by te Twitchy Witch

Hurrying past the hotel lobby, I knew I was already late.

It had been years since I’d seen my dear Chantel,

For this long anticipated coffee date

I scanned the tables looking for a woman

Similar in build to me:

Shortish, plumpish, middling in age,

Who was not afraid of a pudding – or three.

But the only person waving, was an elegant lady nearby

Impeccably attired, in a figure hugging dress,

She’d already caught the waiter’s eye.

“Coo-eee! Over here!,” she cried, looking straight at me,

“I’ve ordered two lemon drizzle cakes and a lovely pot of tea!

“Chantel ? Is that you? I don’t believe my eyes,”

“You look amazing, you’ve lost so much weight,

Your practically half your size”

AS I tucked into my drizzle cake I listened in rapt attention.

To the story of Chantel’s battle

With menopause, weight gain and fluid retention

She spoke with teary eyes of the belly that hid her feet

And the rapidly expanding waistline

That no amount of hours in the gym could defeat

She told of sweaty boobs and brows

That would seep uncontrollably in an embarrassing patch

And how her condition would alarm total strangers

Who’d think she was having a heart attack.

But thanks to this app, that’s all in the past

Hot flushes, cortisol bellies, mood swings –

They don’t have to last.

Just 7 mins of tai chi walking and it all melts away

In just one month you’ll be slim like me

And 25 bucks is all you pay

She showed me the app. I was instantly hooked

There were menopausal women

Transforming their looks

Inflamed puffy jowls, jiggly undrearms and saddle bags

Were melted away in 28 days revealing

Catwalk models who were once old hags.

So excited was I that I registered there and then

Personal email, credit card details,

Who cares about terms & conditions, press send!

It wasn’t until week 3 that reality started to dawn

And I felt two donkey ears growing out of my head

As yet another dumb jackass was born

After 21 days of floating cranes and parting the horses hair,

My belly still flopped, my thighs still jiggled

And those bloody saddle bags were still there.

But the ad had insisted, the women were living proof

Posting their progress onto the site

Weren’t their testimonies corroborated truth?

My endless emails, unsubscribing, raising complaints of fraud

Were professionally received, politely acknowledged and then

Consistently ignored

Having no other alternative, I contacted Chantel for a drink

This so called friend had scammed me

And I was going to kick up a stink

“What the hell, Chantel. I thought you were a friend!”

“7 minutes of Tail Chi does not bring weight struggles to an end!”

“Where did you find all those women?

“How did you get them to lie?”

Her face went red, she bowed her head, mumbling

“We generated them on AI”

“None of them are real women,

But if you watch the video closely,

“At the bottom of the screen,

“In a font barely seen,

“We say “Story provided for enterntainment purposes only”

“So if none of this is true, how come you look like a stick?”

“I beat my subscription target last quarter.”

“My sales bonus was a years supplu of Ozempic”

She stood to leave, tears in her eyes.

A friendship shattered for smaller thighs

But, as she walked away,

I felt retribution coming to play.

Chantel seemed incapable of walking straight

Feet pointing outwards reminiscent of a chicken’s gait

Raising each foot high, cautiously placing it, heel then toe

With arms rolling around an imaginary ball

It took twenty eight minutes for her to go.

Illiciting strnage looks and whispers as she went

Was it Tai Chi Walking ?

Or (please God) had Ozempic had her bowels incontinent.

About the Competition

The Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026 by Hashtag Kalakar invites writers and poets from around the world to showcase their creativity and storytelling prowess. This prestigious event celebrates diverse voices and artistic expressions, providing a platform for both emerging and established writers. Participants explore various themes and genres, contributing to a vibrant tapestry of contemporary literature.

Thank you, Tanya Warnakulasuriya, for sharing your engaging poem, "Tai Chi Walking," with the Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026. Your work offers a delightful blend of humor and insight, capturing the essence of modern life's challenges and the enduring bonds of friendship. We appreciate your contribution to this international celebration of creativity and look forward to your future literary endeavors.

About Hashtag Kalakar

Hashtag Kalakar is a creative platform dedicated to providing artists, writers, singers and other creative talents with opportunities to showcase their work and reach wider audiences through competitions, features and creative initiatives.