Spiral of Chaos

By Raina Bhatia

Spiralling into chaos

An endless fall

Will there ever be an end

Will the tears ever fall

The final push, not quite there yet

Gives me hope

There might be a chance to save me yet

I feel it

The final push

But wait, what’s this?

I’m pushing back

I feel it

But I’m pushing it back

Where’s the weeping shoulder offered to all?

Where’s my knight in shining armour?

I can’t help but want to make the fall

Helplessness, despair - my greatest friends

Who’s my enemy - heaven or hell?

There’s a flicker of hope, with a flicker of pain

Tell me why this feels like endless rain…

[after 30 minutes]

It’s back.

[after another 30 minutes]

Sizzling, blinding

White hot fury

Is there a way to stop this from becoming gory? Oh, the agony

Some dazzle and some shine

But me - I think…I think, for me, there’s no light

But oh gosh! Help me so -

How can I forget the moments of hope

When all seems fine

I can feel the fire, its heat and ignore the burn

Should i ignore it? Or should i let out my pain?

It aches and aches

So much pressure

They say pressure creates diamonds

Often they forget –

What it’s like

Being valued for your light and evading your shade

I’m no diamond, ruby, sapphire or emerald

I’m the iron in the smith’s hammer

No special stone or gold

Remind me of my strength, for I already remember all my pain

I think I just regained control

But oh, wait -

I’m spiralling again.

Down. Down. Down.

(boom)

I’m in it. Again.

Falling. Falling. No. I’ve already fallen.

Down and down. Down the spiral.

By Raina Bhatia