Selfish Pain

By Amira Wells

Trying to understand this pain.

Should it even be there to begin with, knowing you’re worse?

Maybe it’s the guilt.

Maybe it’s the shame.

Just hoping the devil doesn’t win this battle.

I wanted you to consider my feelings.

You know, show me something better.

I was willing to wait.

I told you I want this to work out, but in the right way.

I guess the substances got in the way.

Made black & white turn grey.

Grey turned to code red as everything shut down.

Days go by, and it’s harder and harder to bear.

Seeing that we both want the same thing.

But when it comes to you, your feelings are split into two pairs.

Only by me being perfidious.

One day, you want to caress me, love me, in every which way.

From the top of my head to the sole(s) of my feet.

Then, like a switch with a broken circuit. 

You justly take Saturn and Jupiter; sandwich me in.

Turning me into the jelly in your bacon, egg, and cheese, taking a bite into my soul.

I just wanna be in your arms again.

The way you hold me.

The outline of a hoodie over a neophyte in a wool coat.

The way my head leans against yours causing your eyes to shift.

With your lips following along, transferring to another world.

Only you and me…alive.

Traumas left behind, nothing in our way, as we take the next steps.

Creating a universe with a daily harvest, all to ourselves, that kills the outsiders.

Time so precious, in a time so precious 

Time so cold, almost… frozen

Trying to understand this pain.

Should it be there to begin with?

Time breaking away, it all feels so selfish.

By Amira Wells