Secets No Longer

By Samaa Ved Moola

Darling Dearest,

I love you so. You were enchanting and rare, but you are gone now… I wish for nothing more than to have you beside me, holding me, telling me you love me and kissing my hand… I would wrap a red ribbon around the universe for every moment we have spent together and tie them into eternity for every lover to see. I have been dreading this day, for I knew it was near. I saw it coming and I saw the signs. I have seen true loss with you. The universe lost a million stars and turned grey with your disappearance…

Young love is the most sorrowful yet euphoric emotion, I haven’t a broken heart with me, until you followed me into the indigo night, with your long, luscious locks dancing with the wind. I reminisce about that night, hours fly by and we lay in the grass, you only saw the flowers and sky but all I could see was your golden skin glistening, your burgundy locks of hair scattered perfectly across the mud, almost blending into it. I also cherish the times your eyes didn’t glitter the way they do now, the times your skin dulled to nothing and you curled up on the floor, stiller than midnight air. I loved you then, I love you now and I’ll love you always. I mustn’t blame you, for we knew that one of us must suffer once our secret was revealed. I only wish it was I that suffered. I prayed it wasn’t you…

I hold the moments when we held each other hands dearly, the times when my nails mistakenly scratched your skin or your dress got tangled up with mine. We were pure but not innocent, we were broken but whole and all the trinkets we collected from our mothers' hidden treasures are still buried under our willow tree. We were pretty but ruined…

We spent two years together and every day lingers a little in my mind. I remember the warmth of you encapsulating the field we frolicked through, each sunflower turned towards you and you droned on about how much you love the water. I’ve heard this story a million times over and I’ll hear it a million times more. I worshipped the ground you walked on, for you were divine, a deity that only the gods themselves can imagine and you’ve blessed me with your presence. For the time that it lasted…

I wondered, what did you feel? How do you remember us and our endless attachment to each other? Did you believe we were worth it or do you regret it now? We were soulmates that weren’t meant to be, we knew our families would have never accepted us and we thought our friends would… We now know they do not. They acted oblivious, almost taunting us, we were foolish to confide in them, to tell them about us. I only wish I was there with you when you told them, then I might’ve stopped or called for help… I might’ve kept you here still, with me, with your family. The world shrunk since then, the silence growing becoming ever deafening. It’s been two days of no contact, you’ve disappeared and I cannot reach you. Words seem to have ceased existing, the skies have caved in and the earth smells murky like death has cursed us all and death won. I should have helped…The chatter grows louder and louder, the wind intrusively introducing itself now, the cluster of noises creates a silence never known and all I can hear is static…

When you said we must only be friends, I told you that I would still love you in my soul. I’ll never feel another way, if you’ll have me, I want you. I will come to you, soon, we can be together again and we won’t have to worry anymore. No more running around late at night to avoid being seen, no more dressing each other up to meet with suitors we knew we’d never marry and no more pretending we weren’t more than friends. You’re lying on the moon, my dear I’ll be there soon. In space we’ll be a million miles away from the ones we hid from - it will be a quiet, starry indigo sky, we will be safe then, we can live in the dreams we always had and we can finally be together.

All the bright and warm moments, all the kind and pure worldly treasures died with you and our memories will die with me… No one can steal them or ruin them, they are ours to keep. The world will only have the letters and trinkets we buried under our willow tree to remember us by. We’ll swim to the moon together, the rivers will stretch till the moon for you, I will beg them to. Thank you for waiting in the water for me, once I join you, we can peacefully live amongst the stars. We need not hide now, Yvonne, you need not take the name of your brother and I need not take the name of my brother anymore. We will be us again, no longer shrouded in shame or fear, just in honesty and individuality.

I love you my little golden treasure. I love you, Neilos Yvonne, your iridescent diamond loves you still, no matter how far you are currently. Our love will be hidden within this letter - the last letter written about us. The world knows now. We are lovers. I am coming to you, darling, I will see you soon… The red ribbon will hold us together, to live in all of eternity.

Yours dearly,

Thalia

By Samaa Ved Moola