"Reply to Javier"

By Cal Burgess

"What's good /lit/ bros?" says the man as he meanders through the pine forest, pushing past his intricately hung display of bird feeders, "I got a reply to post because I got a comment from Javier today." He strolls past a boulder and his tarp-roofed cabin, staring into the camera, selecting his words as carefully as he can. "Well, I've replied to a lot of comments so far, you guys just don't know because I haven't uploaded 'em yet, but uh, Javier said something that I figured warranted a pretty urgent reply." He looks down at his phone, reading the message and keeping his cool as the wind toyed with his long, messy hair.

Hey man, don't know if you're still reading these, but would you recommend your lifestyle to someone who is considering suicide? To see your videos brings me a type of joy I know I could never get from the world I was born in, and to compare this to the type of life I'm supposed to live makes me want to keep fighting for life. Great you're doing well, brother.

He finishes reading the message and sits in a clearing on a hill covered in gray, old, tangled trees. He stares into the camera again. "When I first got into doing anything like this, I was extremely depressed. It's a long story, but I wanted to go out into the desert. I was like 'You know what? I'm tired of everybody, I'm tired of society, I'm tired of civilization, I'm tired of all the bad and I'm tired of all the good, even! I wanna just go off, and just live in the middle of nowhere and just see what happens!' So I picked the desert, for many different reasons, and I'll get into one day if I, uh, I'm planning on doing a video where I tell my story, 'cause I know a lot of people ask that." He stands up again and strolls amongst the trees at the edge of the clearing, walking with intention and feeding his train of thought, "People who are considering suicide are already considering the different aspects and consequences of it. That's the same thing with living like this. A lot of the problems that people have with living like this is they have family and friends, uh, that they don't want to leave. They have a job that they don't want to leave. But if you're already considering those things," he says as he strokes his dark brown beard, "but if you're already considering those things, you're about halfway there- to actually living like this. 'Cause that's the hard part for a lot of people- they've already carved out their lives. By the time people decide living like this is possible, they have already either built a family or built relationships or connections with people that they don't wanna leave. So if you're considering leaving all that anyway, you might as well come out here, man!" He ventures back to his perch on the hill, the morning sun shining on his face. "Living like this is almost like a form of suicide where you don't kill yourself. A form of suicide where you keep living. Because, you know, you pluck yourself out of the world, what our definition of the world is of the world, which is planes, trains, automobiles, the cities, and that is our mental limitations of what we think of the world as. But if you look at space imagery of the Earth, and you look at the night side of the Earth, and you see, you know how the sun shines on one side of the Earth, and then there's the night side on the other side, so day and night, and you look on the night side, and you see all this darkness and you see these clusters of city lights. Compared to all the darkness around, the cities are very small. Yes, they're like ticks draining blood from the Earth, but there's still a lot of Earth. There's still a lot of woods. There's still a lot of land mass. There's a lot of deserts. There's a lot of everything. So, I think a lot of us take for granted just how big the world is, and how much there is left to explore. A lot of people you'll see say 'Oh! You know, we're born too late to explore the Earth.' Well, we're not. Just because satellites explore it doesn't mean that we've explored everything. I've found gravesites, just in the middle of the mountains, lone grave sites with markers. I've found Indian ruins and mineshafts. There are places that can be rediscovered, and there are things still left to do on this Earth. We are born in a tiny little window of forever. We're born in this one little blip of eternity, and this plan has been unfolding for eons. For us to be where we are right now is a gift, is a total, total gift. Like," he pointed the camera around to show the scenery. The trees swayed in the breeze, the desert in the lowlands below shone and the hill he rested upon wore a tranquil, green hue, "you probably can't hear, but birds are chirping, and the wind is blowing, and the sun is shining, and the desert is pretty, and the sky is clear. You can still go out right now, and like I've said before in other videos and I always say, you don't have to just jump into it. You go out, you just spend some time in nature. And I don't mean like, go out on a hiking trail. Sure, walk on a hiking trail, but the minute you see a game trail or clearing in some brush, just go off. Close your eyes, clench your teeth, and just plow through some brush until you reach whatever's on the other side of it. It could be a meadow with flowers. It could just be a patch of dirt. If you don't like what you see, plow through the next set of bushes and see what's on the other side. You are resetting your mind when you do things like this and I think that's another thing of what suicide is. Suicide is killing yourself without being born again. Doing this is killing your old self and allowing a new self to just completely take over, and if people out there, if anyone's experiencing depression or any thoughts about suicide or anything like that, something that I'd like for them to take with them is that you should have an idea that is greater than yourself, and then just allow yourself to be completely consumed by it. Because that's what depression is. That's what suicidal tendencies are. You get this idea in your head, and it roots itself, and you start thinking about things you shouldn't be thinking about. You allow the idea of suicide to consume you. You allow depression to consume you. If you could go out and have this idea of 'You know what? I'm gonna go out and I'm just gonna be a hobo in the woods' or 'You know what? I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna ride a train somewhere'- just anything you could do that's different, some kind of idea in your head that you could just let consume your mind- more than any of these other ideas would. Do that, because life is so worth living- every little minute of it, and yeah, there's a lot of bad stuff going on out in the world. Cities are burning down, people are getting sick, people are beating the hell out of each other over toilet paper, things like that. But that's such a miniature part of what life is, that such a tiny little thing, but the thing that's wrong with most of these people is that's all their life is. That's all that their life represents- that. Everything that's down in the cities, all of those problems. When you make your entire life about civilization, and when society is your entire life, and society has an illness, you're bound to have an illness in your worldview. You could take yourself out of that, and there are other things, too! I just read in a book, Hero of Our Time, when he says, fatigue of the body vanquishes the disturbance of the mind. That's also a huge part of it. You know, go out. Get thorns in your feet. Get thorns in your fingers. Get dirt in your eyes, and scrape up your arms on some bark and some branches. Get a little scratched up and then see how well you sleep that night, how great the sunset feels, and how great the sunrise is. You'll feel alive, and it feels good to feel alive. I recommend this lifestyle to anybody, but I especially recommend it to people who are down and out, people who are unhappy, people who are contemplating suicide, you know. And other, outside people watching this might be like, 'Oh! Well, why would you recommend survival to somebody who doesn't want to live?' Well, because they don't want to live their old life. They don't want to live the way that they are living. If you're reading a book, and you hit a bad chapter, and you're like, 'Well ok, I'll make it through this chapter and the next chapter will be better' and you're about thirty chapters in and they all suck, set the book down and pick up another one, and start anew. You don't have to just stop reading entirely- just pick up another book. Obviously, you didn't like that one. Start with a different one. That's how it should be with life- you don't have to just throw the whole book down. You could pick up another book and try again- a different way. That's what life should be. I recommend this lifestyle to anybody, and everybody, but especially those who are feeling low or anybody who is depressed, because that's how this all started with me- depression, horrible depression. Alcoholism, seeing friends die, seeing friends get addicted to drugs, just a lot of loss. Then, I rediscovered myself through this. Nature has always been a part of me. The outdoors had always been a part of me. I think that anybody who is out there feeling depressed, if you watch this, I want you to keep in mind that life is worth living and this is just a small fraction that we were born into. We should cherish this. Just because society has an illness, and just because civilization is a monster doesn't mean the world is. There is so much more than just society, and a lot of the problems we have are just side effects from society. So if I could just ramble and say something- I figured, Javier, that your comment warranted an urgent reply but also its own video, because I know a lot of people are down-and-out. I see people's posts on /lit/. I see people post about their struggles online, and you know I was like that once, too." He paused for a brief moment, breathing. "I think nature is a great reset button, and you don't have to just dive into it and be a hobo like me, and it doesn't have to be out in the woods. There's so much out there! There are mountains, there are hills- even the plains! Just flat ground is amazing when you think about what it took to make the land under your feet." He glanced down at the desert below, knowing that civilization lay on the other side of its sandy expanse. "The problems with society start seeming really trivial. Everything that happens down there doesn't affect me. All the problems that go on- I hear fear on the radio all the time." He said, and then the memories of fear, of living as a part of the fear, as a citizen of it- all those memories came flooding back. He gathered his thoughts. "When I first went out into the desert, I met this guy who was a legend- a legendary desert rat. I was sitting there and, you know, he gets no service or electricity out there, and he was listening to the radio. Just a little crank radio, kind of like mine. They were protesting about something stupid, I forget what, but we were sitting there and he was just laughing as he listened to it all. I was just watching him laugh and he's like 'Yep, it's good entertainment as long as you don't get involved!' That's true, you know. It is good entertainment, it's great entertainment- just don't get involved. Just be somewhere where you can look at it from the outside, somewhere where you can just laugh at it all. It becomes one big joke in the end, especially when you're out here like this. You know, life is a really funny joke that some people don't know how to laugh at. I didn't know how to laugh at it, but now I get it. Now I understand the punchline." He chuckled to himself akin to the desert rat that first taught him the art. "A lot of the problems in society are brought on by society itself, and when you come out here you feel it all drop off of you. So, Javier, I saw that you commented today, and I figured, you know, that I would post this today, and I hope that if you take anything from this, it would be that life is worth living. You should wake up in the morning and want to wring out every little drop of it. You should want to wake up every morning and just want to grab life by the tits, stick your tongue down its throat, and go another round! Alright, well sorry," he remarked, "that's kind of rude, but it's true. Take life for everything it's worth, and live your life as revenge for your old life. Live life as revenge, because I've had people who were very nasty to me, man, and I hope that nobody experiences the kind of problems I had. I hope that nobody experiences any suicidal thoughts or ideation, but if they do, just know that there's way more to life than just clusters of city lights. If anybody out there is experiencing suicidal thoughts or depression, look at the night side of the Earth. Look at those little lights, and know there's way more to the Earth than just those little yellow clusters. There's a whole lot of landmass, and there's a whole lot left to still be explored. It's worth every minute of it- everything out here. I make way more mistakes out here, many more failures out here," He giggles for a moment, "than accomplishments. I'm always messing up something out here. I'm always breaking something. I got my spoon stolen by the pack rats just now, and I'm with you. Mistakes will be made, but it gets better. Life is worth living- every minute of it, and it's worth laughing at. A lot of people think 'Oh! Well, whoever made the Earth must be pretty malevolent because of all the bad things that go on!' Well, no. The Earth is perfect. It's absolute perfection, we just mess up in it a lot. But it's beautiful- I don't know how people can't just look at the trees and listen to the wind and not be okay. I mean, I do understand- it's because we have a myopic view of everything. But just breathe the fresh air and be thankful you're alive, because the energy it takes to make the trees grow, and the grass grow, what it takes to make a human heart beat- that's beautiful to me. That's why I don't really like a lot of the nihilism. Once you start seeing the world for what it really is, beyond the limits of the cities and the outskirts of towns, you'll see what I mean. You'll start seeing the deer and the crows, and the squirrels and the quail- it's a change of scenery. Just think about how the Earth wobbles, how we're the perfect distance from the sun to allow for all this life to flourish, and how we've got perfect gravity, and the perfect amount of water- it's amazing! Be thankful for it, it's a gift. Cherish it." He pauses to consult some of his other followers. "Everybody else- Little Rose Bush, Soft-Eye Scroll, Gaham's Hero, everybody- I will reply to you guys. I've already replied to most of you guys, I just haven't uploaded them yet. I figured, though, I had better reply to this post now since it seemed like a pretty urgent one. Everybody- enjoy life. Let's enjoy what time we have here because it is a gift. It may not seem like it, but it is." He brushed back his dark hair with long strokes, and then he laughed for a split second. "I'm sorry if I look a little tired- I just woke up not long ago. My hair is looking a little crazy because I haven't really had a chance to wet it yet." He looked deeply into the camera once more, completing the nature around him and the anonymous life he hoped to save. "Life is truly worth living, to its rawest form. Don't let what's going on in the world get you down. Don't let civilization make you think that that's all that exists, because there's a whole world out there, and every acre of it is worth going through."

By Cal Burgess