Reflections On Love

By Yaschen Dlima

It is a strange thing, this feeling i have for you. But it isn’t strange at all. The fact is I do not know what it is i'm feeling. Maybe it is simply a general feeling of lust, a sort of desire for you. But when i ask myself, “what is you?” i come up empty. Blank. But then there is a pang of sensations, a flood of images that come rushing in to fill the space. Those images and those sensations all bear something of my experience of being with you. And this, after all, isn't you. I very well know that. But it is you. It must be you. It is as close as i can get to you. And so i must accept it. But i am not trying to find you or place you somewhere. I don't even know what I want from you. It certainly is rather strange. Now that i think about it, i cannot find anything in these words that might be conveyed to you as a gift. What was i thinking? Write my feelings down; maybe she’ll like that? She’d definitely be moved by that, i told myself. But what a silly thing to do with one’s time. To write one’s feelings down, that is. Who needs this? So what

can i give you? Must i give you anything? It is your birthday after all and growing up I've seen strangers and relatives give each other things on festive occasions like this. What can i give you is the real question. A blanket? A pillowcase? Cushions? Now I'm just naming objects in front of me. Hmmm… this is a tricky task. Dwight schrute once chirped, and this was not without a note of seriousness, “the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. Its fear. Merry Christmas.” Now let me clear something up, i do not wish to frighten you in any sense of the word. But perhaps, might not the greatest gift be no gift at all but something capable of being, like fear, both intangible and perceptible at once. only instead of fear, what if it was like joy, or love. Peace? content? Can i give you these elusive things? I don't know. Many would argue that alcohol most definitely can. But I'd be bold enough to quote a certain enlightened giraffe i happened upon while sojourning in the serengeti last summer to counter that supposition, “Mushrooms taste like mushrooms, and tea like tea. So it goes with love. Dont look for it. You will not find it. Forget it. There are better things in this world. Like bagels for instance. In truth, however, I’d rather fancy myself a vanilla scented candle. Begone now.” and so it was that i left with a vague feeling of satisfaction and spiritual renewal in my heart, or was it my elbow, i can't quite recall. Anyway, my dear, happy birthday.

By Yaschen Dlima