Perspective

By Lakshmi Tanmaya K

The pandemic in the recent years has taken a different perspective on every single thing or people I see. If you think years back on how we took life for granted, we have not given the value to the person who loved us the most, towards the aquarium we only had a glance to care about, going out was a routine, meeting up friends, gossiping about work and colleagues, especially me I was too worried to not think about how my family is doing, how can I be happy but rather got deeply involved with my breakup.

Throughout the years we always had an illusion that everything is fine. If I look back, this may apply to anyone who wished for a life where we didn’t want to see colleagues, manager or the ex who is flirting with someone. This made me strongly wish the universe that I just want to stay with the family looking after my parents all by myself. Of all these years, we believe parents take care of themselves so well that they look after us with the same effort, but apparently parents never do as much as they do for the kids. Am typing this cause, I had to meet my dad’s illness that brought me into realization that I can never go back in time and literally see what he was going through, at least a hint to strike me harder saying, “hey just go look after your dad rather being affected by other things”. Ever since his illness, there was immense amount of positive approach I was giving to believe he will be back to normal. I tried my level best during the covid to ensure the physical and mental pain will reduce though the fear of losing my dad was raising every day.

It was five months of his illness during the pandemic that brought me think that have I done better for him as a daughter. The illness brought a perspective that even the one who looks strong from outside can be the weakest soul. We basically judge looking at the external appearance with multiple strong statements. I realized the moments I had with my dad during his last five months that I have failed myself to not identify the health issue. This will haunt me forever but also made me stronger as I battled my biggest fear even after losing him

Every day I live, I am looking for my dad in every single thing I do, I seek his guidance, a reminder from him that I have to not leave my mom alone, to ensure her physical and mental pain is thrown away. I no longer find that a breakup can break me. Handling a manager or colleague at work is merely not an issue at all. We only have to face the fears that we have in life be it anything. Even during this pandemic, I find so many rushing in life in the name of self-esteem to prove, to look down on someone because they haven’t achieved anything in this phase, like what? Like, who is who to tell someone that they have to burn their time off to achieve and prove to the world that they have utilized the pandemic so well? No. Not necessary this has to be done. There are many people like me who battled their life even before pandemic to sort their mental issues, the trauma that they once thought that they can never be able to forgive themselves and not worth living that they are able to survive now cause of the time, the stillness, the thoughts, the resting phase at home that helped them just so to battle many more traumas that could pass them.

Before pandemic I wished strongly to the universe that I never want to face people, the fear of work. It happened. It brought loss to many, to my own family. Now am not the same person with the mental disease i had before. If I say I faced this difficulty just like that wouldn’t make sense, rather I can say I forgave myself, I told myself that I can beat this trauma, that I am important to myself, and I have the responsibility to take care of the people who loves me the most. The complaints I had earlier are never really complaints at all when in reality the world is striving to become virus free and all that I can contribute is to take care of myself and my surroundings well with a perspective to take that its one life that we can only take memories and not regrets.

By Lakshmi Tanmaya K