Our Dumb Worlds

By S.Lokesh

All my friends said that they like Saturday night more than Sunday morning. But I never felt that way because they said I never went to school, so I don't understand what Sunday means to them. Every day is Sunday for me. My friends were afraid of Monday morning, but I liked it very much, because if my father went to work on Monday, there would be peace at home without any quarrels. My friends who went to school for six days always wait for Sunday, but I don't understand why my mother and father don't know how to enjoy Sunday. All they did was fight, cry, and sometimes even hit me. Everyone was enjoying Sunday, except me.

I never went to school even once in my life because my mother said that I could not understand anything they taught in school, so she only tutored me with alphabets and words. My granny fed me with some storybooks and fairytales; I used to read them a lot, and thanks to Granny, I don't know how 17 years of my life went by. I tried to ask my mother to come play with me, but she never spared time and said she was very busy. But all she did was get ready, apply a ton of makeup, which makes her very ugly, gossip, play cards with neighbors, and watch boring TV shows; that's it. My mother just spared me an hour of time in the evening to play in the playground.

The school bell only rang as I reached the playground, and my friends, without any delay, came to play. When I saw some mothers and fathers playing with their kids, I didn't know the name of it, but I felt something was lacking in me. What is the name of the feeling when you feel emptiness in your heart? I don't know who can answer it.

I asked God this question, but he did not reply. My mother told me that if I have any doubts or questions, I should ask God. I asked God so many doubts and also sometimes asked for food when I was hungry, but God did not respond to any of them. I think he was deaf or something.

It was very disturbing and frightening when my parents fought. One day I eavesdropped on what they were fighting about and laughed for that reason. It was for mere money. Even I had a simple solution for it, which is sharing. They could have simply shared the money over fighting. I read in my storybooks that sharing is caring. I dared to propose my solution to my mother, but she was irritated and told me to say this to my father. When I told this to Father, he simply shared a chocolate with me and said we are now even.

I basically wonder so many things, like how clouds form, how the sun sets, why things are falling but not me and why they are not going up, how rockets reach the sky but not my ball, and how those tiny winged birds fly so high but not my huge hands. I asked my friends these questions, but I simply could not understand what they had said. So they stopped explaining things to me, as I could not understand anything. But my thirst for answers was never quenched. I did not know who could make me easily understand these things.

One fine Sunday morning, I was playing with my friends, and I was shocked to know that the earth was so much bigger than I thought. I always felt that the hometown I lived in was the only land that ever existed and the rest of the space was ocean. My friend, after visiting his grandmother?s village, said that if he traveled for 8 hours from here, he would reach his grandmother?s village. I was surprised and said that an 8-hour journey might lead us to the end of the world, and he corrected that to say that to travel around the earth, it would take approximately 834 days. That was the time I felt my whole life was a lie.

I could not eat or sleep or concentrate on anything because after knowing the truth, I really wanted to see the other side of the world, and it was my very first dream that I immediately wanted to achieve. For so many years I dreamt and dreamt for so long about visiting my fairytale world.

When I was 17 years old, my mother just gave me clothes as a gift just like every other year, and my granny, until she was alive, gave me toys and handmade sweets, and now that she is no more, there is no one to give me gifts. So I decided to give myself a gift. I decided to wander this earth and see fairytales just on my own without any help. As today is Sunday, the only help I seek and the best birthday gift from my friends is that I ask for directions on how to travel to the other side of the world.

My friends drew me a map to a place that they call a railway station. Following that precise map, I reached the station without informing my parents because I know for sure they would never agree to send me on this adventure.

The railway station was very huge; there were tracks and very long compartments of metal bodies linked together to sit and travel. I do not know why, even though the seats were empty, people were fighting to enter the train. They are pushing, not giving a chance to others to enter. Is it always this hard to enter the train?

Anyways, I was in a group of people, and they pushed me into one compartment. I sat near a window. The train is moving so fast, and the cool breeze coming from the window reminded me of my granny?s lap, where sleeping on my granny?s lap is the best sleep I ever had in my life. After a few minutes of my epic journey, I doubted whether I was moving forward or the land beneath me was moving backward. I have no friends here to clarify this doubt, and the strangers in front of me were busy sleeping. After ?I lost track of time? minutes or hours, people were gathered near the door; I wondered why. After the train had stopped, they were fighting very hard to exit the train, and I thought that my fairy tale world had just arrived, so I went into the group, and they helped me exit the train by pushing me out. I also saw some people in this world who were maybe boarding this train to visit my world.

I took a deep, long view of the new world without blinking a second. It was like if I blinked even for a second, I would miss the miracles and beauty of this new world. Finally, my dream has come true.

The first thing I was going to do in this new world was to run. And I took off like ?Heidi,? running in this vast land, crossing huts, shops, schools, hospitals, and churches. I was running so fast that I was even crossing bicycles. I ran and ran and ran; I stopped at the land where, in my plain sight, there was only green grass covered like a green blanket on earth.

On that blanket I saw a girl sitting peacefully and flying a kite. It was like a butterfly flying to another butterfly. She was the first fairy I ever witnessed, as in my fairytales. She reminded me of ?Lilo,? and I shouted ?Lilo.?

Lilo

I got lost while flying my kite, and then I heard a loud shout, which I believed came from a kid, so I turned back. That was the first time I was seeing that kid. He was very tired and sweaty, like he had been running since 10,000 B.C. He was staring at me sharply. It was like when I saw my first ever doll given to me when I was a kid. Nobody saw me like that in ages. I liked that look very much; it inspired me to the extent where I really wanted to become a kid again. His childlike, innocent look reminded me how grown I was. I did not know why I looked like a Lilo to him, but when he called me that, I wanted to become one. But my age and body do not seem to fit that magical name. He did not look like he belonged here, just like me.

This was not my village. I lived in a nearby town with no parents in a girl’s hostel. I was always an average student, an average girl, a short-tempered rebel in this running world. The reason I was here in this village was, long story short, I killed a person. I wondered if a murderer like me could befriend this innocent kid. I will take you into my world, and you tell me.

Once upon a time, there was a baby girl born and not placed in a cradle but in a dustbin. Thank God I forgot that bad rotten smell. There came the hands of an angel with no wings covered in white clothes to pick me up, and she hugged me right against her heart. I thought she was an angel with no wings, but what she really was was a devil with no horns. She tried to sell me off, but then came the real angel to save, the first turning point. The guardian who saved me from the purchase was the one who looked after me. She was one of the guardians in the girl’s hostel I lived in. She taught me how to eat, sleep, bathe, and read and write. I owe her. She was like a coconut, harsh on the outside but tender on the inside. But the remaining two guardians were rotten apples. They beat up the kids for their innocent crimes. My guardian angel always tried to hide those innocent crimes but could not every time.

She used to serve sweets secretly. She used to take us out. She is the only one who showed me the essence of motherhood. She passed away suddenly when I was 12. She promised me that she would come into my life in another form; now I am 20, and there is not a single trace of her. My guardian gave me a strong life lesson before passing away, and that changed me into a rebel who fights for a living, that is, “Appear like a rose but use the thorns when someone tries to pluck you.” That day I transitioned from an innocent child to a rebellious woman, as people called me. 

From then on, not even a single minute was I not afraid of anyone. Usually girls in my hostel did not want to be friends with me. So I befriended loneliness. I sailed in my own world. 

My lonely world might not entertain everyone, so I skip to the part of another turning point in my life. There was a lecturer in my college. All students praise him for his kindness and some other things, which I have no interest in. I never cared about any person after my guardian passed away. So if anything I heard about anyone was basically another person’s perspective.

Have you ever seen a wolf in sheep’s attire? I saw it in my lecturer’s house. One day, as I was passing by his house, I saw his true kindness towards his family. He was an abuser. I saw him beating his wife to a pulp. She was helpless, crying and bleeding on the floor along with her child. I rushed into the house and asked the kid one thing: “Do you want your father?” and he nodded no. Based on his reply, I had exactly one thing in my mind, and I executed it perfectly without a second thought. I asked the kid to go outside. But I did not ask her to go anywhere because I wanted her to see what I was about to do then. 

In the blink of an eye, I faced him, and I took those teaching hands. I broke them in a way where the joints ripped out of his flesh. Then I took his wine glass and punctured his head with that, slicing his stomach. His blood was spilling like a fountain on me and his wife; that bloody blood eased her pain when it touched her feet. That day I redeemed their three souls. She looked peaceful with her husband's blood on her face. She then cried when she experienced the taste of freedom.

She helped me to bury the body in their backyard. Now to clean that mess up, I got an idea. I told her to write a letter that her husband wrote to her saying he eloped with me. As she was kind, she asked about my reputation, and I replied, I don't care. She let me shower and gave me a new shiny white ball gown. With her permission, I took some money from his pocket. And jumped into a random train, which led me to another dumb world, where I was flying a kite now.

As I was thinking about the murder, that innocent kid shouted “Lilo” again, coming towards me. Anyway, I don’t want to ask myself whether I am a good or bad person. I am sure what I did was right. And I want to befriend him.

The friendship blooms.

I was going towards her, but I didn’t know what to ask her. I didn’t know if this fairy could understand my language. Like in my fairytales, she was shining. I was standing in front of her right then. I said, “You look like a fairy,” to her, and she replied, “Yes, I am.” I said, “Hi, Lilo.” She then said, “Hai Bheema,” and I replied my name was not Bheema, but she said, “You reminded me of Bheema from the Jackie Chan cartoon.” I asked her excitedly, “Am I?” “Yes, you are, kiddo,” she replied. “Is he adorable?” I asked. She replied, “He is adorable, cute, funny, huggable, and strong.”

She suddenly pushed me, and I fell down. I laughed, and she did too. She was offering me her kite to fly. I have never flown a kite in my life; I was very happy and curious. I took the kite very carefully and tried my level best. She was instructing me how to fly. I was half listening to her words out of curiosity. “It is a new experience to have contact with a thing high above from the ground,” I told her. The kite was slowly falling down; I was nervous, and she helped me. She said to release the thread slowly to maintain the altitude of the kite. I did not see that the thread in my hands was over and the kite was going into the sky. We were chasing the kite. We were running in the fields shouting. The kite was mingled with a flock of birds, and we barely could tell which was the kite and which was the bird. We stumbled on something and fell down. The kite slowly disappeared into the orange sky. 

Running and laughing made me very hungry, I told her. She was taking me to a place; the place was what she called a hotel. It looked somewhat similar to a dining place in my world but with many people. I wonder how similar our worlds were. The menu was also the same. She ordered a special dish from this world. We waited for 10 minutes for our order. And the food finally came. The dish was adorably decorated with finely cut small pieces of onions and many other vegetables. The dish looked golden brown. By the look of it, your appetite would increase like 100 times. We were the only table that ordered this dish. While I was satisfying this hunger of my eyes by just seeing the dish for a few minutes, Lilo already started eating just when the dish came. 

I slowly took the first bite and eagerly put it in my mouth. After the tip of the bite touched my tongue, trust me, in 17 years of my life, I never felt this way. I now confirm that I was really in the world of fairies. It tasted like heaven and was finger-lickingly tasty. My mother never cooked like this. The food traveling in my body satisfied every inch of my body. Then I understood why my father shouts, “Is this even called food?” at my mother. Even though Lilo started before me, I was the one who finished first. I liked the dish very much. I saw her very thankful for giving me this heaven. I think she understood me and gave her last piece of dish to me with a smile.

We were outside the hotel. There we saw two dogs, a mother and a puppy. Lilo gave them biscuits, and we started playing with them. Time has gone without a trace. We played for hours. We played hide and seek, ran and touched, acted like dogs, and played with dogs. Now it was evening. The thought of where to live just crossed my mind. She asked me to tell her about myself. I started saying every detail from my childhood. After a few minutes, she said, “Enough,” and to my surprise, she asked me one thing.

My first friend

Just to get to know each other, I asked him to tell me about himself. He started in his childhood. But I like his innocence. When he was talking about his childhood, he looked like a kid who just saw a beautiful movie or some magic trick and explained it to parents bursting out of curiosity. This curiosity and innocence was what made him the most adorable human being on earth I ever met after my guardian. But it was getting dark, and we needed to search for a place to stay in this new village. At this speed of his narration, he needs at least 2 hours to reach his present age, so I stopped him in his childhood and asked one thing directly: “Do you want to explore this world with me?”

He stopped narrating his story and stared at me like a kid whose mother just brought him a cycle that can fly. He was jumping with happiness. We were searching for a place to sleep. We didn’t have enough money, so we could not afford a room, and they would ask for identity proof, which would expose our identity and might land us in jail. In search of places, I thought a big banyan tree would do us a favor. 

A fruit seller saw us and gave me some grapes instead of wasting them. Thank God or someone, I saw a big banyan tree. It just looked fine for us, or at least I should not complain. First, I climbed the tree and tied the dupatta full of grapes to the tree. I gave him a hand to climb. We successfully found the place for this night. We were enjoying the full moon with his fairytales. I never thought I would listen to a fairytale with such interest. I thought it depended on the person who was narrating. As he was thinking of me as a fairy, he said that once I went to the moon and danced there for the moon to be pleased. He said the moon was my boyfriend. I said I broke up with the moon.

He was very sad to hear that. He was trying to console me. His consoling skills were very fantastic; like, I really wanted to be a fairy and broke up with the moon. He told me not to worry because, as I was a very good fairy, one day a prince would come to me and ask me to marry him. We were exchanging stories and throwing grapes at each other’s mouths. After a while I was sleeping, but Bheema woke me up. “What happened?” I asked. He said he was afraid of the dark. We climbed down, and to sweep away his fears, I hugged him closer and put him to sleep by tapping his heart. He was slowly falling asleep. It felt like a mother putting her baby to sleep.

First time

I was at home playing with my toys, Motu and Patlu. “Motu” ate “Patlu” and turned towards me, saying, I am still hungry; I want more humans to eat. Then suddenly something was running in my stomach. I shouted at my mother, "Hungry…….” She threw a banana on my face ferociously. I got scared and opened my eyes. I saw a dark yellowish sky. My eyes went to search for Lilo as I was hungry, but there were some fruits near me. Like a mother knows when her baby is hungry, this fairy knows that her friend is hungry. She was brushing her teeth with a neem stick. I thanked her for the breakfast with a mouthful of banana. She laughed at me as I looked funny. She asked me to brush and bathe there near a pond, and she went to a nearby temple. 

Lilo brought us prasad from the temple. It was very hot but tasty. She told me that they first put the prasad to the god and then offered it to the pilgrims. I wondered how a rock eats. I told her, “Shall we go and see if the rock in the temple has magical powers and really eats?” She smiled and said that I was very innocent. There were no magical powers in a rock or in any rock in any temple; it was just a hope for the people to pray. I said, “But you are not like that powerless rock, right?" She replied, “I lost my powers when I lost the dearest person in my life.” I thought she was indicating to her lover. I consoled her that she would get her powers back. The sun was rising above. I asked her to show me the world. She was thinking, "What is the best place to start?" 

I was very amused when she took me to that place. I always just dreamt about this very place but never visited it in my life. I was very happy when I first saw that place. She might have lost her powers, but she was really my fairy. She knew me very well, so much better than my own mother. I did not expect superpowers from my mother, but why can’t she just be kind like this fairy? Anyways, the place she took me to was a school. I always saw the school in my world, just from outside, so I only dreamt the outside of school because I didn’t know how a school looked inside. 

We entered the school. It was amazing. She showed me the classrooms, the teachers, the nannies, the trees, the wall art, the kids, and the playground beside the school; everything was amazing. After some time, a bell rang, and all the students came running and formed a line. We also joined in one line, and at once they all started singing something. We both could not understand anything, but we were trying to vibe with them. We were just making sounds matching the tune. She said, “This is called prayer.” The prayer was done without missing a day. Finally, after the prayer was over, we all saluted the flag. 

I didn’t know why some kids were crying that they wanted to go home. How can they be home when it was such a boring place? I was shocked when I saw someone crying at such a happy place like school. If I were given a chance, I would come to school regularly. Lilo took my hand, and we snuck into one classroom. The first time I sat on a bench, I felt like this was the place I had missed all my life. Lilo sat beside me. Slowly students were entering the classroom. I asked Lilo if they would teach us magical powers here. She said they would teach something of that sort. 

One female teacher entered the classroom. All the students rose. Lilo also rose, and she said we should stand up for every teacher entering the classroom. So I did, and everybody was wishing her very slowly, laggy, and lazy, like they had not had breakfast. “Goooood moooorneeeng teeechur.” It was so funny. I was very excited about what the teacher was going to teach. She took a book and wrote something on the board. I couldn’t understand a thing. It was like a different language. After some time amidst letters, some numbers started to appear. I asked Lilo about the subject; she said, “This is called mathematics.” She also explained this is very tough sorcery to tackle. Not everyone can learn this.

No wonder so many kids were sleeping. Even though I couldn't understand a thing the teacher was explaining, I was just enjoying being there as a student and somehow wanted to learn that magic math. Some were sleeping, some were writing vigorously, some were eating, and some were talking very silently. But the teacher was writing without noticing anything. I wondered what my friends were doing right then. After some time, the bell rang, and the teacher was gone. I asked for the notebook of a student and checked it just out of curiosity. The notebook was newly bought. Lilo told me to smell the notebook. I smelled very light. She told me to smell very deep in my lungs. I did, and it was addictive. I asked her about the secret of the smell, and she replied it was the bookmaker’s secret. 

Nothing new happens except teachers and their subjects. Lunch break has come. Lilo gathered some food from students for both of us, and we ate with them together. The students were very humble to offer us food. They were complaining about teachers, saying that they were monstrous. They were very sad that if they didn’t complete their homework, they would get beaten by the teachers and parents too. I wanted to stay until the school was over, but Lilo said, As we are not officially students of this school, it was not safe for us to be there. We came out of school after lunch. I was very curious about the next place we were going to visit. After lunch we were very sleepy and decided to sleep under the shade of a tree. We slept in a peaceful place that was surrounded by many trees.

I never loved school.

He was asleep. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would put a grown-up boy to sleep. I always enjoyed sleeping alone, but tonight the company was so adorable that I felt like I was sleeping beside the moon. I usually don’t dream often. There were no such memories, good or bad enough, to visit me again when I was sleeping. But after a long time, like after 4 months, that night was the night I dreamt. I dreamt of that same day with Bheema roaming around the village. I was sure I was smiling all the time while sleeping. 

The next morning after I woke up and saw Bheema, even though he was a grown-up, I understood he was a little kid by heart and also by mind scientifically. A kindhearted traveler gave me some fruit. I was relieved as our breakfast was served. He has eaten all the fruits, and he might be very hungry. I took a bath in the local pond and brought prasad from the temple. He was never tired of asking questions or learning things. How could a rock eat? After giving it a thought, it also got me questioning. Like really, how could we pray blindly except for the reason of hope? Don’t you think it was foolish to offer something to a rock? Where does the god even exist? In rocks, mountains? water, nature, or in yourself? Definitely not in me. They say God resides in children. Then maybe Bheema is a god. If everybody started thinking like Bheema, the world would be very different for sure. When he asked about my powers, I was afraid I would disappoint him. He might then leave me. But the real superpower I understood that day is to be able to be a child. It will only be reinforced in me through Bheema.

He was excited to explore the world with me. I was thinking about a place. I wanted the first place to be very special. I wanted it to be remembered to the core, at least for Bheema. I doubt if anything could excite me except Bheema. So ultimately if Bheema was happy, I would be happy. I was reminded of his story to get an idea of a place that makes his visit special. His parents were very cruel. How could they treat a child like him with such a cold heart? It is like a crime to me. If I were there for Bheema in his town, I wouldn’t even know what I would do to his parents for looking after him like that. From the little I knew, he loved the school very much. He always wanted to be in the school learning, asking his very interesting doubts, playing, and eating with friends. So I thought school would be the best place to excite Bheema.

He was asking me all the way where we were going. But I did not tell him to raise his curiosity. We stood in front of the school, and I looked into his eyes. He was like a kid who was about to see Jurassic Park. I never really loved any part of my education. But that day with Bheema, it was different. I thought the school was a perfect place for a student like Bheema, who has a never-ending thirst for knowledge. It was so sad his parents never gave a thought about his thirst. I was amazed by the perspective of Bheema that he saw the house as a boring place and school as an interesting one, but to so many students like me, it was quite the opposite.

Even though he couldn’t understand a word about magic, math, or what I knew was algebra, he was just listening to it, paying full attention. For a kid who never visited school, even algebra excites them. He did not understand a word from science class, yet he was listening. Kids were repeating rhymes from other classrooms, and Bheema also repeated them. He made the whole class repeat the rhymes after so many years.

At lunch I gathered some food from the students who were going to waste it. It was my first time eating in a group while chatting. I did not talk much, but their conversations were so nostalgic to listen to, all thanks to Bheema. Everything was beautiful when looking from Bheema’s perspective. I felt like an old mother listening to the stories and worries of kids from school. The period after lunch was about to start. Bheema was expected to stay longer, but to make sure of our safety, as we were not officially students, we left early. We wanted to travel more, but this sleepy feeling after a good heavy meal was inevitable. So we slept under some shady place surrounded by trees.

The birthday

We slept for 5 hours. I usually don’t sleep in the afternoon except when I am ill. Today the afternoon lunch did some magic on our stomachs and minds. It felt like we slept for our lifetime. I was the first one to wake, then Lilo eventually. Lilo was thinking with a fuzzy mind that she wasted our afternoon journey just by sleeping. But I told her, “Let’s go to a place where night seems beautiful.” She took my hand and was taking me somewhere. It was a big world, I guess, because we were traveling for a long time, like 20 minutes. Then she suddenly stopped at one place and pointed to it.

It was a water tank, she said. We climbed to the top of the tank. It was a new experience climbing a tank, as I had never reached this height from the ground. My house was just one story high, so it was nothing new. The moon was shining like the sun. I felt anxious when looking down from this height. Lilo said, “Don’t look down and shout all you want in 3, 2, 1." Lilo was shouting her lungs out, but I hesitated to shout because this was the first time I was listening to this loud noise. She stopped suddenly, looking at me, questioning with her eyes why I did not shout. I answered her with the best possible shout I could deliver. We were screaming like wolves. The birds sleeping in their nests ran towards the moon, scared of our shouting. 

It felt boring shouting with the same modulation. So we were shouting like we were in a competition. We covered as many animals as we could. Wolves, tigers, lions, bears, pigs, and cats.

dog, enacted like a monkey, rabbit, penguin, kung fu panda, and so on until our stomachs started to hurt. Then our stomachs were shouting as loud as they could to feed them. Lilo went down to get dinner. She brought us roti and curries. We ate like animals as we were very hungry.

We lie down under the moon. We were not sleepy as we had slept all day in the afternoon. Lilo asked about some of the best moments from my childhood. So I dug into my past and searched for a moment. There were many moments with my friends to share, and she told me to pick one. 

One thought crossed my mind. That was my thirteenth birthday. Until then, my birthdays were organized by my parents. They were nothing special, just one cake cutting and boring routine games. I got to know this when I went to ask my mother about the plans this year that she forgot my birthday. She said I was in no mood for a birthday this year. She had given me some money as I was desperate to celebrate with my friends. I went to my friends and explained the situation. They got an idea. The idea was to buy a cake, some soft drinks, and some spicy food. They took my money, bought all the food, and some money was left. I said I would buy an outfit for me and asked for their suggestion. They took me to a clothing store and told me to buy a clown costume. I wondered if we could hire a clown if we wanted, but why would I wear the costume instead? They said it was routine to hire a clown and also expensive, so they requested me to be one. I thought it was a good idea and brought the costume. 

We set up the whole thing in one of my friend’s houses. There was no one at home that night. So it was perfect to enjoy, they say. I changed into my clown costume and started dancing, making funny moves. They were laughing and enjoying the cake. Every time I cut the cake, but this time they started eating cake without letting me cut it. They were encouraging me, and I was motivated to impress them more and more. They laughed and enjoyed my performance. Then they were so sleepy and went to their homes to sleep. Even though I got a very small piece of cake, I was very happy to make them laugh and enjoy my birthday. So, that was the best birthday of my life.

This year I wanted to celebrate with you, I said to Lilo. I promised her that I would entertain her even more as I entertained my friends that night. After hearing my story, she was very silent, not passing a single comment. I think she was amused by how I celebrated my birthday. She hugged me and said, “It is not my world that is beautiful but yours, colorful and pretty.” I didn’t know why she said that. Who does not agree that a fairy’s world is more beautiful than my world?

Which one is beautiful?

It was very fuzzy when I woke up from my sleep. Bheema already woke up. It took two minutes to regain my consciousness; that was the power of a noon nap. The sun was also going down. Then I understood I wasted Bheema’s afternoon. I didn’t know how, but I wanted to satisfy Bheema’s thirst for exploration. It was a relief when he gave me the idea of a place that looks pretty at night. But the truth is I was also new to this village, just like Bheema. In order to take Bheema, first I needed to explore. I needed to be careful because Bheema should not doubt me if I was not really a fairy and that was not my world. I thought of leaving him there and went to search for a place, but it was not safe for a kid like him. 

I took him with me. I was searching for a place, but I acted like I already knew the place. Then I saw a water tank. It was not really an interesting place to me, but it might excite Bheema, I hoped. Bheema was very happy because he said he had never reached this high. Playing with Bheema felt like pampering infants. I couldn’t imagine myself making animal noises to please any kid. But Bheema made me do such things that I could not imagine doing. I was not that kind of person. It does not suit me. But he unleashed the inner child in me, who I thought was dead. Bheema makes me forget I was a murderer when I was with him. To save money, I borrowed food from an old woman.

From a glimpse of what I knew about his life, I expected he faced a lot of injustice from his parents. I wanted to know more about his life. I wanted to dive into his personality. So I wanted to start with the best moments of his life. Till now, his parents were monsters, I thought. But after listening to his thirteenth birthday story, I was enraged to learn that his little friends are also brutally cruel. When listening to his story, I thought that even my classmates were better, even though they showed jealousy and were just unfriendly. But these monsters were cruel. 

Listening bit by bit made me feel sympathy for Bheema. I was surprised how he even could not understand that they were humiliating him and using him for their entertainment. The perspective of Bheema is unbelievably amazing. One part of me was sympathizing for Bheema, and one part was envious about his way of seeing things. I could not decide which side to lean on. I wanted to kill those bastards for using my Bheema for the sake of entertainment. Why is humanity dying? Is it that costly to afford humanity? Now I want the world to be filled with fairies, not like me but like Bheema. The world needs his mentality. He is not ill, but the rest of the world is. 

I never celebrated birthdays and am not really interested in them. But for Bheema, I wanted his next upcoming birthday to be special. I didn’t know what I would arrange with the money I had, but it will be special because it was my first time going to celebrate a birthday, and it will be the first time he was going to celebrate his birthday with his fairy. I hugged and cried behind him. I didn’t want Bheema to see his fairy cry. Some words came from my heart, which are “It is not my world that is beautiful but yours, colorful and pretty.” I guess he doubted how his world would be more beautiful than a fairy world.

Another new world

I was excited about the next place she was going to take me. She took me to a cowshed. We went into the shed secretly. She said the owner of the cows was a very angry person. She drank the milk directly from the cow’s milk bags. I was nervous that the cow might fight. But it was calm. Lilo made me drink the cow’s milk. The milk spilled on my face and some in my mouth. The calf started mooing, and we ran away from the shed. I hoped we had not drunk all the milk. 

She brought breakfast, and we finished it. We went to the railway station. I asked her about the place we were going. She said she was taking me to another new world. She said it was called a city, with big monuments and buildings and so many vehicles, and it was very busy almost every time. We boarded the train. The journey has started. She brought some tamarind-flavored candies. It was so sour that when I tasted it for the first time, my body shivered. I liked the shiver. This train was moving faster than the previous train I traveled on. We talked for some time and asked her about the tamarind candy. The story behind how Lilo got her first tamarind candy was absolutely emotional. 

I fell asleep. Lilo woke me up saying the city had arrived. We hopped out of the train, both excited. This station was very crowded with people, unlike the stations in Lilo’s world and my world. We left the station and entered the city. Two eyes are not even enough to capture this overcrowded city. It was just like in my storybooks; the people were behaving like robots. Their huge buildings were glowing, but not the faces of those working robots. We ran through so many taxis that asked us for a fare. Then she was lost in the crowd. People around me were pushing me effortlessly. Suddenly a soft hand grabbed me, taking me away. There she was, showing me a fountain. It was like water dancing. So many people were also enjoying it like us. Even pigeons were drinking from that fountain. By seeing so much water flowing, I too started to sense a flow in my lower body. I wanted to pee. I told her, “I want to pee.” She showed me the way, and I went inside to pee. She was outside, standing for me until I finished. She said she was going to take him to another world that lies within this world. I did not understand how. I was just following her. 

She took me to a place called the cinema theater. I knew this place. There was also one in my hometown. I understood why she said that. It really is a world within a world. They play the fast-moving images called movies on a screen. When it starts to play, we can really forget the real world we live in. After the books, I like and believe that movies can take us to another world. Unfortunately, my parents took me to only 5 movies. I also watched them on television. But the experience a theater gives is something different that a television cannot. The theater was also crowded. The bell rang, and we went into the theater. Unlike the theaters in my world, this was very huge. There are so many machines for coffee and so many stalls that offer a variety of eatables. The smell of the theater was also refreshing. We sat in our seats. I asked her so many times what movie we were going to watch. But she did not tell me anything except that it was her favorite star’s movie. Firstly, some advertisements were playing. The movie was about to start at 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

When life gives you tamarinds

I saw a cowshed and decided to introduce the taste of fresh cow milk to Bheema. My guardian angel used to give us fresh cow milk whenever she could. When I tasted the milk for the first time, it was unlike any other cheap quality milk I had drunk up to that point. From the point in time when my guardian angel died, there was no chance to drink the cow’s milk. After a long time, when I saw the cowshed, it reminded me of those old memories. The owner of the cows does not seem very generous to ask for milk, so I decided to sneak into the shed and drink some. I took us to the shed as carefully as we could. I never drank milk directly from the cow but tried to suck from it. When Bheema was drinking, it reminded me of myself drinking like him, very happy and enjoying it. 

I thought taking Bheema to a new city would make him feel like he entered into a new world. So I took him to the railway station. He asked me many times about the place we were going to visit, but I remained silent. Let him build curiosity. I saw tamarind candies, my favorite ones. I bought some, and we were enjoying them on the train journey. The second the candy touched Bheema’s tongue, he shivered like a puppy drenched in the rain. He also liked the flavor so much. He asked me about how I was introduced to this candy. It was an interesting story.

I was 10. My guardian angel looked after me like a mother, and there was no doubt in that. Period. But I don’t know why I got this feeling whenever I saw a kid with parents that I was not enjoying my life with. I did not buy myself some chocolates, clothes, or shoes. I did not go to any picnics. But when I thought about how I could fulfill my wishes, I came to know that I needed money. My guardian angel won’t give me any money, though she loved me so much, so I did not even ask her, and the remaining two cruel wardens were a waste of time. 

So I decided to rob. I knew it was wrong. But I was desperate. I snuck out of the hostel silently and saw an old woman sitting on a bench with a purse beside her. I grabbed the purse gently, making sure the old woman was not hurt, and ran away. My first robbery was very impulsive. My heartbeat went very rapidly. My hands were shivering when I was opening the purse to take money. I saw no money but lots of medicines and syringes in the purse. The heartbeat skyrocketed and weighed a ton. The weight was the guilt of the crime I had done. I was sobbing while leaning against the wall on the corner. Because of my greed, there might be someone who could lose a life. I immediately ran to the old woman. She was still sitting there, hopeless and tired. I felt like burning myself for the sin I did when I saw the poor woman’s face. I silently put the purse in without her noticing. But she suddenly held my hand. I was petrified. She took me near her and opened her purse. She took out two tamarind candies lost among so many medicines and gave them to me with a smile and a pat on my cheeks. I ran away from there.

It was night. By the time I secretly reached my room, my guardian angel was waiting for me there in the room. She looked angry, but she did not beat me; she never had. The moment I saw her face, I burst into tears. I landed in her lap in a second. She wondered and asked me what happened. I told her with a lot of breaks, swallowing back my tears and mucus. She heard everything and understood my feelings. She smiled and said that I was a good girl because at least I had some humanity to cry for someone and return her purse. The feeling I get every time I see kids with their parents is not about the things those kids get, but it is about the parents who give those things to their kids. When she said this, I was surprised by the level of understanding she has about me rather than myself. She asked if I was happy about the candy or not. I replied I was happy about that. Then she said it was not about the candy I was happy about but for the old woman and her smile. When I thought of my angel’s words, I realized that it was never about the things but always about the parents I rooted for. I believed a lie the whole time. I gave her one candy and ate one. My guardian angel and I also shivered like puppies when we ate the candy. 

Bheema was listening to the whole story eagerly and patiently. He asked me if fairies would also make mistakes. I replied to him with one thing that my guardian angel told me that very night: “Greed can make anyone make mistakes, even if it could be God or fairies or you and me.” Then he felt sleepy, and I gave him some rest. I am not a person who reminds of old memories because situations made me a stone-hearted person. But when I dug in and shared my story with Bheema, it gave me relief that my story was also worth telling.

I woke up Bheema and hopped out of the train. We are running through countless, numerous, emotionless working employees. Almost every face of theirs was looking serious except mine and Bheema's, but all were running for our lives. This little enthusiastic heart wants to see this overcrowded world, but he was unable to see anything except people roaming like ants. People around us separated us like leaves floating on water. I was afraid, searching for him. If it were any other child, it could be hard to find the trace of them; thanks to Bheema’s grown-up body, I found him after a minute. I swiftly grabbed his hand and took him out of the crowd. Then we were at a fountain. I slowly lifted his hand towards it. Bheema was scanning the fountain to see how the water was coming out endlessly. I shared my little knowledge about the fountain I had. Then he started to tell me about how he and his friends had peed like the fountain. It got him to pee urgently.

I got an idea to show him another world and took him to the theater. But he said he had already visited a theater in his world 5 times. Anyway, as it was my favorite actor’s movie, I wanted to enjoy it with Bheema. I was very excited to see the movie. I did not tell him anything about the movie plot. I could not wait to see it, and it was going to start on 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….

Favorite hero

The movie has ended. I loved the movie that I watched without noticing anything till the end. When the movie finished, I looked at Bheema; he was asleep. I woke him up. I asked his opinion. He disliked the film. I was surprised how a beautiful film like this disappointed him. I asked for his reasons. Then he started to give every detailed reason on why he disliked the film. I was smiling all the time when he was giving his reasons. It was all childlike reasons to dislike. After every reason, I thought, no wonder it was very hard to impress this kid. Despite everything, I loved my favorite hero’s film.

It was past noon. We were hungry. I had enough money just to survive this day. I didn’t know what to do right away. But I will figure it out eventually. We were searching for a hotel. Bheema was also getting tired, but he was coping with it for me. After half an hour of searching, we lost energy and sat on a footpath. I was concerned because Bheema was my responsibility. I was thinking hard, and Bheema was looking at a particular building sharply. After moments of scanning that building, Bheema showed me one thing. I was so shocked to see what he showed me. Even hunger vanished from my thoughts for a second. It was my favorite hero. He was relaxing on the balcony, and we could see him. 

I immediately wanted to shout and ask him for a photograph, but I thought it was all impossible for a person like me. So I was crushing my hopes, then Bheema refueled me with his words. He simply said, without a second thought, to enter his house. I said, “They won’t allow us.” Then he said he and his friends had done such things as breaking into the farm and bringing mangoes, and Bheema thought it was not stealing. Bheema felt it was just like breathing, as simple as that. He wanted us to do the same thing. I was not ready to do it, but he said, “Just like how you showed me the world, your hero might do the same thing.” It gave me the courage to do it. I thought, let’s do it and face whatever happens, but don't miss the opportunity. 

We jumped the compound wall and saw a big dog sleeping just 6 feet in front of us. I was slowly walking on my toes, but Bheema was coming casually, eating a banana, which I did not know where he had found. Fortunately, the door was open. We entered the house. The house was huge. It was so shiny that I could see my pretty face on the floor clearly; also, Bheema joined in that picture. I was afraid inside but enjoying the thrill. We heard some sounds coming from one side of the corner. The sounds were coming our way. I immediately hid behind a wall and sighed for Bheema to come and hide. But innocent Bheema thought it was a game and shouted, “Gotcha!” after capturing me. I had warned him to be silent in order to be safe. We silently climbed upstairs and reached the balcony. My favorite star was relaxing on a chair, resting his feet in warm water with a glass full of juice in his hand. We slowly walked beside him and saw him with full eagerness. Bheema was also staring at him without blinking. I didn’t know how long I would stare at him, but all I wanted was to stare at him until my heart was satisfied and leave his house. But God has other plans. Bheema was slowly leaning towards him, and a worker in the house shouted at us upon seeing us. We both fell into the pool at that shout. 

Bheema did not know how to swim. I supported him. Floating in the pool, we saw the gigantic structure of my hero, who woke and stood in front of us. He was questioning us as if we were robbers. I was trying to explain to him the situation, but I sounded foolish and crazy. Bheema went near his legs and touched them with surprise, saying, “I thought you were just a figure in those moving images, but you too are real, just like this fairy.” The maid was going to call the cops, but my hero stopped her and pushed us from the pool. Then there came a long, exhausted hunger groan from our stomachs. He looked at us with pity. 

It was unbelievable that he believed us that we were not robbers. He gave us a new pair of clothes. It was refreshing when I changed to new clothes from my stinky ones. When I was dressing, I realized that Bheema's actions and words made the hero believe who we really were. The maid guided us to the dining table. It was very long and filled with bowls full of dishes like in movies. Bheema was a heavy eater, but I doubted if we could finish all these because it seemed there was nobody at home, like family members, except the hero. 

Hero showed us the seats to sit on. We sat at the dining table. Bheema was very eager to start. But I stopped him silently to wait for the hero’s instructions. Hero said, “What’s stopping you? Eat them all.” Then Bheema, without any delay, started filling his mouth. Upon seeing my childhood favorite hero, I could not concentrate on eating, but I must answer my stomach. So I started eating. I wanted to ask him so many questions, whether professional or personal. But I was shy. It was the first time in my life that I felt shy. I never gave a second thought if I wanted anything; I just grabbed it. But that day was different. Bheema suddenly told him that he was my favorite hero. I did not expect that. But he said, “First, finish your meal, then we can talk later.” He said he would talk with us later. I could not believe this.

After lunch we were in his room. He asked us about our whereabouts. I told him everything except my murder. I also told him that I and Bheema were friends. I shared my review of his movie. Bheema also did the same without any hesitation. He liked Bheema’s innocence. He understood Bheema very quickly. We talked for some time. It was a lengthy talk. He asked me what was my first movie of his that made me fall in love with his acting. I always watched cartoons and movies on my hostel television secretly with my guardian and played like characters in those movies. I never had any theater experience until my 9th birthday. One day for my ninth birthday, I asked my guardian to take me to a movie. She asked where I got this interest. “I heard from the kids outside this hostel,” I said. She said it was almost impossible with the other two guardians roaming around. I was sad. Half the day was over. My guardian suddenly told me to get ready. I was thinking why. She was taking me somewhere. I asked her numerous times, and she didn’t answer. It was the movie theater with the biggest action cutout of the hero I ever saw. 

I was so happy and hugged her. It was like a new world. The story of the movie also resembles mine. I cried in the emotional scenes. I was really crying when I was telling this incident to my hero. Bheema wiped away my tears. He looked emotional. Back to the story, all the way to the hostel, I was talking about the story and characters; this time I needed not to act because it was almost my story. “That was the first time and forever I started loving your acting,” I said. He looked proud of himself and thanked me. Then he got busy, and we were supposed to leave his house. 

We jumped to enter the house but exited from the main gate. I hugged and thanked Bheema very much because he created the best day of my life. I never imagined I would be this happy after my guardian died. With Bheema around, anything could seem light and beautiful. The problem is we look for someone to grow older while the secret is to find someone to stay a child with. After Bheema saw me very happy and smiling around my favorite hero, he felt jealous. He was very silent, which was unlike him. I asked him why he was so silent.

Fairy to Friend

I thought he was a figure in the moving images world, but he was as real as my fairy. He was very kind to offer us clothes and food. The food was very tasty, and I could not stop eating. I did not know why, but Lilo was very silent when her favorite hero was in front of her. So I started the conversation. But he said all the talking would be after lunch. So we finished our meal and shifted to his room. Lilo was very happy when sharing her childhood incident about how she became a fan of his acting with her favorite hero. It was the first time I saw Lilo very happy, and when smiling, her face was glowing like a thousand moons. I did not know why, but she had not been this happy when she was with me. Is her favorite hero funnier than me?

We left his house after a lengthy conversation. Lilo hugged me and said that I created the best day of her life after her guardian had died. Although the hero was a kind person, I did not feel well when Lilo was very happy with him rather than me. I felt the same nameless feeling when I saw the mother and father of kids playing together. I used to wonder who could answer me, and Lilo did. She said, “You are jealous.” So the name is jealous. Such a weird word to pronounce. I asked her about why she was so smiley with her hero. She replies that he was her fairy, so she had to express her inner child, but we were friends, so we need not express everything because friends understand the feelings better. She asked me, “Do you want me to be your fairy or friend?” I said excitedly, “Let’s be friends.” Friends who understand feelings are greater than fairies. Lilo told me that sometimes even fairies may lose their magical powers, but a best friend will not lose their friendship power of understanding. 

It was evening and peaceful. We were walking on the streets. She was showing me places and a variety of constructions and all. Things in that world were really built differently. There was a playground with so many playing instruments like in my world. I asked Lilo to play with me. We went into the playground. Small kids were playing already. There were parents with their heads in their phones. Some kids as tall as me and Lilo were also playing on their phones. They also attracted little kids to watch them play on their phones. There were swings to play on and many others. I wonder how these kids were playing on their phones while there was an empty swing. When I was a kid and still am now, I was crazy about swinging. When swinging to and fro, it was like touching the moon, but now I am swinging with my moon. It was so sad to see those empty swings even when the kids were around. 

Lilo said it was when, in her childhood, she last swung. She was lost in her swinging world after so many years because of me. She was so happy that she smiled with her teeth out. I was so glad to see her smile so much because of me. We were swinging so fast in happiness. But swinging very high frightens me, so I stopped, and then Lilo also stopped. There were so many playthings of kids who left them on the ground and jumped into the world of mobile games. I blindfolded my eyes and tried to catch Lilo. She was beating, pushing, and laughing while playing with me. It was hard to catch Lilo. At last I tried hard and fell on her to catch her. When she was blindfolded, she did not take much time to catch me. Her senses were sharp, I guess. 

Lilo secretly grabbed a ball and said, “Leave the world and live in our world.” Then she suddenly hit me on my back with the ball. The strike was hard, but Lilo was smiling like a fox; that means she was in the play mood. We were hitting each other with balls and escaping. The game was called dodgeball. It was a pretty intense game. Hitting, grabbing, running, and escaping, it was very fun. Thanks to those kids who left their play items, we had a chance to play. It could be more fun with more kids, but this world was busy in the virtual world. Anyway, Lilo blew off my jealousy by playing with me by being more than a parent.

Heaven

One kid joined us, and we three played shuttle and cricket until dawn. The parents were taking their kids home, and the playground was empty except for me and Bheema and the kid who played with us. The kid asked us to visit his home after he recognized we were hungry and tired. He said his parents will be late to home, so we visited his house. We showered there and dried our clothes. The shower after some strenuous physical games would be very satisfying. He gave us snacks to eat. “The snacks were very tasty; he was very lucky. Even my mother's snacks were not that tasty. She does not learn from my grandma,” Bheema said. Then the kid replied, “I was not lucky because my parents sent me to the tuition even though I hate it.” I thought one’s hell is another’s heaven. One does not want to be a student, but the other cannot stop asking doubts like a student.

Bheema and I thought we could sleep in his house for just this night, but when the parents came and did not allow us after all, we were strangers. Then I surprised myself that a thought like sleeping in a random kid’s house came across my mind. I never thought like this my entire life. But for Bheema, sleeping in a stranger’s house was a small thing, but not for common people like me. At first I wondered if it was possible to be like Bheema because it was wonderful. But I was slowly becoming Bheema. Thinking like him. Pure and innocent. I wished Bheema had met me in my childhood. Then the two most beautiful persons in my life would be with me at the same time. The thought of me, my guardian angel, and Bheema playing all the time and living together was very beautiful.

Finally, this realization turned me into who I really was and made me think about a place to crash. Bheema told me, “Let’s sleep on the road.” One side of my brain was saying that it was not safe and comfortable, but the other side of my brain was saying, Let’s do it. Be like Bheema. We went to the playground where we had played. Suddenly Bheema started running frighteningly after he saw a cat there. I chased him and cooled him down and asked why he was running just because of a harmless kitty. He said the person who was a rat in his previous life will be afraid of the cat in his present life. He also said he will be a cat in his next life and befriend the rat like Tom and Jerry. Then I said that he befriended a cat because I was a cat in my previous life. I played with him, tickling like a cat. 

We gathered so many leaves and flowers and spread them like a mat on the ground. We were watching the sky lying on the mat we made, thinking it was the best mattress we ever slept on. At that moment I felt like I was sleeping beside my mother or father or my guardian or a friend or a son or a brother, etc. The sky was filled with stars like Bheema’s mind was filled with doubts. I was just thinking about his doubts, and he started firing them.

Doubts & doubts & doubts

I wonder why that little ball is called sun in the morning and moon in the evening? If they are both basically the same, why do they change colors day and night? Why is the day hotter and the night cooler? She answered this and persuaded me to sleep, but I resisted and I demanded answers. How clouds form, One day I saw a man standing on a tree and touching the sun. When I looked away for a second, he was gone. I asked my mother what had happened to him. She replied he had gone to another world past the sky. I got very excited after hearing that. I too wanted to see how the world would be past the sky. Can you please take me there, Lilo? Are stars really the people who died and became one? While you were in the sky, did you meet God? I could not believe the answer she gave to this, and I asked some more questions. How do those tiny wings of birds fly so high but not my huge hands? Why are things falling but not me, and why are they not going up? How do rockets reach the sky but not my ball? Do gods stand on clouds? If so, how? She was explaining it to me, but I didn’t know when I fell asleep.

Answers

Oh my god. I didn’t know how I could answer his questions. But I had to try, and I started explaining to him. I answered, “As we need to play in the morning and sleep at night. So, like me, my father is also a powerful fairy. He brings the sun during the day. To get us to sleep, he brings the moon during the night. So, the sun and moon are both two different things. So as it is night, my father works very hard to bring the moon, so we need to sleep. Let’s clear your doubts tomorrow. Good night.” 

I tried to put him to sleep, but he was stubborn and demanded that he would only sleep after he got his answers. So to the question of how clouds were formed. Just like how humans blow cotton balls, we also blew our magical cotton balls in our world, and they formed giant cotton-like structures called clouds. 

Bheema thought the man who touched the sun was in another world. From Bheema’s description, he had died from a fall, I guess. I showed Bheema how that man had touched the sky by saying it was a magic trick. I held his hand in the air and folded it into a circle, placing the moon in it. Bheema was thinking now he had learned magic and he could hold the moon and sun whenever he wanted. I told him to wait for some years to reach the world past the sky. As he did not have enough power to come with me.

To answer the question about stars “I don’t know because I am not dead yet. Let’s die when the time comes, and we will get to know the answer.”

I whispered in his ears, “Everyone is a god, and not everyone is able to understand that.” Bheema was shocked by my answer and asked some more.

This bird’s question was easy; I said, “Everyone has some powers, like we both have friendship power. I once had magical powers, and the birds have flying power. Simple.”

“Like I said, everything has some power. Some things, like balls, won’t fly higher, but some, like rockets, can. Power comes from hope. Scientists gave hope to the rocket that it could go higher, and it had. Likewise, you gave me some hope about friendship, and I was able to grow that superpower in me,” I replied.

While I was answering his last question about how God stands on clouds, he slept. Finally I slept after he slept peacefully, and there was a smile on my face after answering his questions like two innocent kids explaining to each other.

First job

We were in another world. I got to know yesterday why teachers were struggling so hard to clear the doubts of kids. Teaching requires a lot of patience and mindfulness. Bheema was wandering the new world with me. After the experiences from the previous world, he was not getting any excitement after seeing this new world.

I was looking for a part-time job. After hours of searching, just before I was about to lose my hope, some guy who owned a toy store offered me and Bheema a job. We told him that we may leave whenever we want. He agreed to give us some money until we leave. Bheema’s job was to wear a comic costume and attract customers to the shop. My job was to keep the floors clean and tidy. 

Bheema was fantastic in his role. He was an apt person for that job. Bheema was enjoying what he was doing. He was attracting customers very well, as it was the toy store kids who were more attracted to Bheema’s comical performance. My job was boring because there was nothing to do except cleaning, but I was also enjoying Bheema’s childishness. The toy store owner became a friend. But the owner was a cunning friend. He got more profits than on any usual day just because of Bheema’s work of attracting. But he did not give Bheema an extra pay from profits. Bheema does not know anything about cheating, betrayal, and all, so he took it without objection. The world was filled with con men. I was sad about people like Bheema. How could they survive in this harsh, heartless world?

We have been working there for 3 days. We usually finished the work and rested in the storage room. We were watching the roof. There was no sky. I felt stuck in that room. I was not sleeping well. I got used to sleeping under the sky. Then Bheema called me. I thought he would drive me out of my stuckness. But he started firing his questions curiously. Sometimes I thought that he may not need food and water to survive, but the answers to his questions. 

He said that he was most surprised by this question and wanted an answer immediately. That is, how were kids made? I looked at him differently for this one particular question. I think it was a difficult question to answer. Bheema was really curious about how he was born, and he only remembered memories from some point in his life. They say babies were born from their mother's womb, but how does such a big baby like him fit into his mother’s womb? And who put him in his mother’s womb? How did they put him in the womb? I was exhausted by his questions. I wanted to explain, but I was very careful with my words. I didn’t want his innocence to be gone. So I explained indirectly, but almost everything I said was true in a way. After a long explanation, he was lost in his thoughts, and I broke some breaking news to him. I said, “I am dying soon.”

Birth

Lilo and I went to another new world. Initially I was very excited to see the new world she was taking me to. We hopped out of the train. The railway station was almost the same. We came outside. It was also almost similar to the previous worlds we were in. I was waiting to see something new in this world, but it was familiar to me. There were a few things that were quite new, but the aura was very familiar. Then I thought, “Is this it?” Are all other worlds similar with some modifications? It was like we boarded the wrong train and visited the same place. My friend gave me wrong information. It won’t take 834 days to travel around the world. If the world is the same like this everywhere, it just takes 4 days to cover the world, I guess.

Lilo said that we should look for a job in order to get food and survive. So we were looking for it. After hours of searching, I saw a toy store and grabbed Lilo there. The owner of the store gave us the job. My job was to cosplay and attract the customers to the store. It was my first job. He gave me the skin of the Mickey Mouse. When I wore it, I felt like I was Mickey Mouse. I thought Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, and Daisy Duck would appear and play with me, but they were not with me. Mickey Mouse's job was to play and make the small kids laugh. Anyhow, I liked the job. I was doing my part. I was attracting kids by performing the many Mickey Mouse lines, like Meeska, Mooska, Mickey Mouse.” The kids were very happy to see me, and so was I.

I think in that world, Mickey Mouse’s job was to attract customers. I was very busy attracting customers. There was even no time to pee. Watching Mickey Mouse for hours was very normal, but playing Mickey Mouse was boring and hard. I thought I was not cut out for Mickey Mouse. I was about to ask Lilo to take me to another world. But she was enjoying the food here, which was really tasty. So I did not want to disturb her. She had done so many things for me. The least I could do was to give her some peace. We were resting in the storage room. I still have so many questions to ask, and I suddenly reminded them. 

She told me how I was born. She told me that love is a magical power. If two people meet and they are in so much love that they do not feel they are two different bodies. She crossed her palms and said the lovers will be as tight as those palms. If the lovers were together forever and married, magical power increases, and the power transfers into a baby in the girl’s womb. Thus the baby was born. I asked if lovers would fight, and she said no. Then I asked if my parents were fighting and not in love. How could I be born?

She replied, Sometimes magic might happen without love. Then I knew why my friends called me an abnormal child because I was not born from magic. Then Lilo said, “Same pinch,” because she was also an abnormal child like me. To the question of how I could fit into the womb, I was born as a small baby. Then I was eventually growing. Nature's magic makes us big. I asked my mom these questions before, but she never answered. Lilo cleared my doubts very well. I did not know why my mom was always irritated by my questions. But Lilo was answering my questions calmly. The process of making a baby is very beautiful. I also wanted to have a baby. I wanted to feed it, bathe it, and play with it forever. If Lilo was with me and my baby, we three would be happy together in a small house far from the world in a lonely, surrounded green field. Far from people, far from noises, wandering the worlds. Just the thought of it was like heaven. Then Lilo suddenly told me that she was going to die soon.

Death celebration

Bheema was in a tremendous shock after hearing what Lilo said. Bheema said, “So, you are going to be reborn as a star. If I die, I will be reborn as a small star, a cat, or a butterfly. As you are an angel, you are going to be reborn as a huge star. Come, let’s enjoy the farewell. There's no time.” Bheema and Lilo immediately told the owner they were leaving. They took their pay and left.

Actually, Lilo was pranking Bheema to see how he would react to this news. But Lilo was amazed by his point of view on death, as he was celebrating rather than mourning. So Lilo was going along to see his further actions for her. She decided to tell him the truth some time later. Bheema asked Lilo where she wanted to go for the last time. Lilo thought a lot and finally decided to show Bheema the sky, as he had never seen it very near. By hearing this, Bheema was very happy to see the sky nearer. They were on a bus. Bheema was seeing the sky, waiting eagerly to see it nearer. The fields were showing the way to the place where the sky seemed nearer. The place had come. They got out of the bus. And in front of Bheema, there was the amazingly beautiful, pleasant beach. 

Bheema's eyes were filled with the blue sky. He ran into the sea. screaming out of his lungs. Lilo was enjoying Bheema’s enjoyment. Lilo was a bit scared because he was going deep into the sea. Lilo ran to catch him. Suddenly, Bheema took off his clothes. Though Lilo adapted to Bheema's point of view, after all, she was an ordinary human; seeing Bheema fully naked was somewhat uncomfortable. It took her some time to adapt to that. 

Then Bheema asked, “Why are you standing there? Remove your clothes and catch me if you can.”

Lilo was struck by his words. She said, “I can’t come without clothes; I will play with them on.” 

Bheema replied, “How can you play with clothes on? Even after coming to the beach. We have to bathe and play like this. My grandma used to play with me like this in childhood. I want to relive those good old days with you.” But Lilo refused to come. Bheema was sad but lost track of time playing in the sea.

Bheema was watching the sky for the first time this near. Seeing the orange sun descending into the sea was a new, joyful experience for him. The sun had lost his charm, but his eyes were bright like a star seeing the sunset. Lilo called Bheema to come out of the beach and to eat something. Bheema was all happy except for one thing: Lilo had not played with him. They ate their snacks surrounded by the sea’s music. It became night, so they had finished dinner too. They dug in the sand and built a castle there. Bheema was still upset about Lilo’s refusal. But Lilo enjoyed his gloomy face. 

After an hour or so, Lilo stood up. Bheema thought they were leaving. But Lilo went near the water, and to Bheema’s surprise, she took off her clothes. She went into the water. Bheema also removed his clothes and jumped into the water. They were sprinkling each other. They were swimming with the waves, sinking. Bheema found a ball, and they played with it. They threw sand-balls at each other. Bheema revealed with a laugh that he had peed. Lilo said, Yuck. They were so tired after hours of playing. They were floating. It was peaceful. There were no others there. 

They had a mud bath in the tub they had dug. They massaged each other with sand. They both felt the pleasure; that was the real bath. Suddenly, Lilo ran to the water, screaming. Bheema wondered and followed her. There were some jellyfish glowing. Lilo was about to touch them, but Bheema stopped and warned her, “Haven’t you watched Finding Nemo? They might give you a shock.” They all were staring at each other. Lilo said, “Now I truly want to be born again like a jellyfish. No problem, no pain, no worries, just swimming. They were washing off the sand on their bodies. Suddenly, Lilo got her period. She felt sick and in pain. Bheema asked her what happened. She replied, “It’s ok, just some pain.”

Bheema told her, “It’s ok; tell me where. My grandma said, If you kiss the painful part, it will vanish.” Bheema always surprises with innocence and charm. This innocence made Lilo remove her clothes. Lilo said, “It’s ok, just a hug will do.” Then she hugged him.

It felt like this was the true self of humans. They became part of nature in that pure, naked hug. Bheema suggested sleeping and watching the vast sky. They slept side by side on the sand, waves coming and kissing them to ease her pain. They were talking about the things they will do when they are going to be born as siblings in their next life. They fought for who would be the first one to be born. At last they decided regardless of who would be the firstborn, their parents should have both love and magic to give them birth. They said that they will build a treehouse on a big banyan tree. They argued about the color of their treehouse. Bheema wanted to go to school with Lilo, but she refused to go to school. Lilo always wanted to play and be happy. Lilo wanted no other relations except them both. Bheema also agreed to live together and die together. 

And they fell asleep peacefully. Their skin tones were blended in the sand when looking from the sky; they were visible because of the glow from jellyfish. Both naked, cool breeze, soft sand beneath, waves touching with a rhythm. Even if we look at them from heaven, it would feel like they were really in heaven but not us. A big wave covered Bheema, Lilo, and the jellyfish, and the wave took them into the ocean’s womb. 

Thus, the dumb world of Bheema and Lilo ended in that peaceful nature.

By S.Lokesh