One Last Chance, Please

By Gaaziya

Saturday night fun" was the caption for 

the story my so called friend posted. 

They were at a park and looks like all of 

them were having fun all 4of them 

laughing and high fighing, enjoying their 

life and me sitting in my room 

wondering what the hell did I do to 

deserve this kind of treatment from my 

own friends. Honestly I never felt I was 

part of that group yet a part of me 

wanted to believe I was. 

Trying so hard to fit in but ends up 

getting ignored again and again and 

again is not a good feeling. But here iam 

getting avoided and ignored by my own 

people who I thought were my friends. 

Yes, I asked them if they had any plans 

for Saturday as I was free and wanted to 

join them but their reply was"nahh we 

are just going to chill at our homes" 

And yes I saw them chilling at 

their"homes". 

Being alone is peaceful sure it is but the 

moment that alone moment turns lonely 

everything falls apart. I try really really 

hard but this how I get treated "liliana.." I 

heard my mom calling me downstairs to 

have dinner. I was not in the mood to eat 

but was definitely not in the mood to 

listen to her nagging so I went down, ate 

my food and went to bed. 

Sleep never came easy to me, I'd always 

stay awake thinking abt my life, my 

personality just me. This was how my 

days went in high school being ignored, 

always alone with no friends none at all 

and I hoped maybe college will be 

different. 

Yes iam a college student and my 

classes starts from next week. 

Am I excited? No, am I scared? Yes, am I 

overwhelmed? Definitely. I don't like this, 

this change. I hate changes. Changes 

were never good for me. They always 

made me hate life even more and now 

iam going to face the biggest change of my life. 

Days passed faster than I expected and 

finally came the day I was leaving for my 

uni, leaving my home, my parents, my 

comfort and only safe place. I'll be 

staying in a dorm since my house was far away from my college. I have to share 

dorm with another person, a stranger 

and I hoped at least this time things will 

be different. 

First few days were horrible all that 

homesickness, loneliness everything hit 

together and I felt depressed. But things 

between my roomie and me were going 

fine so slowly I was adjusting. I felt fine 

like actually fine for the first time. 

Considering what I went through in 

senior high this was a relief. 

We used to sit together, eat together, 

talk with each other, save seats for each 

other in short it was amazing. But like 

they say "nothing in life is permanent" 

this didn't last long either. When she 

found better company she decided I was 

not important anymore. 

Everything changed in an instant. We 

talked less, we stopped eating together, 

we even sit apart in class. A Month that's 

all it lasted, only a month. Deep down I 

knew it would end i knew it was all 

temporary but god I hoped, I hoped at 

least this time it would be different. But 

alas nothing lasts forever and iam back 

to square one. 

After that my life was bleak. Days 

passed, months passed and I was just.... 

Living. Living like the dead. Alive on the 

out but dead inside. I feel sad I cry alone 

nobody by my side just existing. 

Up until then I only pitied my fate but 

after all that the ignorance, the 

loneliness, after choosing everything 

wrong I slowly started hating, hating 

everything, hating myself hating to the 

point I didnt care abt my life. Didn't care 

if I live or..... That was my state. 

Holidays were a luxury in college so 

when I got the chance I try my best to 

utilise it. During a holiday like that I got 

the chance to travel with my cousins. I 

wanted to clear my mind so decided to 

go with them. 

A waterfall, it was beautiful. the water 

looked so pure. The climate was slightly 

cold with the rain drizzling. Not so far 

away stood a cottage cozy and warm. 

An old man stood out watering the 

flowers in front of the cottage. He looked 

so calm and peaceful, the kind of calm 

and peace I wanted in my life. 

I went near wanting to see those 

flowers, wanting to know the secret of 

that calm. I walked and walked but the 

cottage seemed so far away. I tried 

calling him out but he was so far away. 

Feeling sad I returned to where everyone 

stood near the waterfall. 

But this time instead of happy faces I 

saw the tear filled faces of my cousins. 

They were crying. why were they crying? 

Is it because of the ethereal beauty they 

saw I don't know. That's when I looked 

around there was an ambulance and 

they were carrying someone inside. The 

person was completely covered in 

blood. Looks like an accident has taken 

place. But the person looks familiar. It 

was a girl wearing a black hoodie with 

blue jeans. A small moon shaped chain 

adorned her wrist the one exactly like 

mine. She looked exactly like.... Me. 

Waves of terror passed through me. I pushed through the crowd to get a 

closer look and I realized it was myself 

lying there, covered in blood. With horror 

I realized..... lam dead. 

No no how is this possible. I was fine just 

a minute before how did I die. No this is 

not true. I went near my cousins to tell 

them iam fine and with them. But they... 

They were not looking at me, they kept 

on crying. They couldn't see me. 

I fell on my knees crying badly. They 

can't see me,they can't hear me, they 

can't feel me. lam actually dead. A 

painful wail came out of me. All my life i 

blamed myself for everything even for the mistakes of others I blamed myself 

and started hating myself. To the point I 

didn't care if I live or die. Then why am i 

this sad.why am i crying like this? Isn't 

this what I wanted then why.... Why am i 

actually sad. 

"liliana.." I heard someone calling my 

name out while crying. I turned around 

to see who it was and i froze. My mother, 

my only family in this world, on her 

knees screaming and crying. I rushed 

near her to comfort her, to tell her iam 

still alive but she couldn't see me she 

kept on crying. "it's all my fault" I heard 

my mother say " you didn't wanna go yet 

I forced you to go with them" she 

continued "it's all my fault" she said 

crying hysterically. No no it's not her 

fault it's mine. She was the best mother. 

Being a single mother it was hard for 

her, very hard. Still she cared for me and gave everything she can. She tried her 

best to make me smile. She loved me. 

How could I do this to her? No no i can't 

leave her alone. Iam the only family she 

had I can't leave her. I tried I tried to talk 

to her but it was all in vain. I was gone 

and none of them could see me. 

I cried feeling the immense sadness of 

leaving her. No no I can't die I can't leave 

her. I got on my knees, folded my hands 

and prayed my last hope"oh god please, 

please let me go back to my mother, 

please let me hold and comfort her. I 

promise to not go back on hating myself, 

I promise I'll not go back to that sad, self 

blaming depressed felf of mine. Please, 

don't punish my mother because of me. 

lam begging you give me a chance to 

live with her, to be happy with her, to 

thank her, just ONE LAST CHANCE, 

please. 

The ambulance slowly departed, so did 

my mother and my cousins and all the 

people there. Everyone was leaving and I 

couldn't even stop them. They wouldn't 

hear even if I did and just like that lam 

alone again. But this time more terribly, 

more painfully, more sadly. 

The cottage which looked calm and 

peaceful just a moment before looks like 

chaos now. The flowers which bloomed 

earlier are now withered. The old man 

whose face was filled with light now 

looked almost dead. Everything around 

me turned bleak even worse than before 

and this time I was alone completely, 

terribly, painfully by myself.

By Gaaziya