OCD You Liar

By Devanshi Thakkar

https://youtu.be/GyoRkghlBaE

5 years ago, I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

It’s a mental disorder which turned my life upside down

I became paralysed

I got stuck to a wheelchair of thoughts

But one day, I removed the wheelchair and cremated it on funeral pyre

And realised that OCD was just a manipulative liar

OCD told me that if I just check one more time

There won’t be any risk left.

But that was the thousandth ‘just one more time’

And now till I don’t run a mental check

The anxiety keeps shooting up higher

OCD you disgusting liar

You told me that if I perform the compulsion just one last time,

the anxiety will go away.

You were right, it did go away

Only to return after few moments

And the need to do that compulsion became even more dire

OCD, you innocent faced liar

You told me that I left the gas stove on when I left my home

I kept telling you that I did turn it off

But Even after checking the stove 15 times

as soon as I left the home again for the tenth time

You made me feel like my house is on fire

OCD you relentless liar

You told me that if I think hard enough

I will be 100% certain

But the only certainty was uncertainty

And a vicious storm of thoughts begins to gyre

OCD you absolute liar

You told me that after doing the compulsion, I would be able to think about other things

Things other then my obsessions

Things that I want to think about

Things that actually matter like my career

But as soon as I try to think about them, my brain begins to tire

OCD you shameless liar

You told me that by seeking reassurance from brilliant people

I will be convinced of your stupidity

So I did seek the reassurance, I did seek a guarantee

I did tell myself that one day we will all die and these things would not matter

But even then I couldn’t pull myself out of this mire

OCD you scary liar

You told me I had contaminated this place

And that anyone who comes in contact will die

I explained you via science how impossible it was

I gave you a guarantee that my bodily waste would do no harm

But even with the help of logic, my brain, I couldn’t rewire

OCD you irrational liar

You told me that if I don’t perform all the compulsions

I will deprive people of good things

That bad things will happen because of my inaction

That this useless matter is of life death importance

So I gave in and more power you managed to acquire

OCD you monstrous liar

You told me that if I check again, there will be no risk

If I do the compulsion, the anxiety will go

If I think hard enough, I will have certainty

If I act now, I can prevent bad things from happening

Of all your untruths, I was a buyer

OCD you merciless liar

By Devanshi Thakkar