Notes I Never Sent - By Olumide Omowaleola Deborah

Written By: Olumide Omowaleola Deborah

Category: Essay

Competition: Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026

In the eloquent essay "Notes I Never Sent," Olumide Omowaleola Deborah delves into the complex journey of self-discovery and belonging. As a participant in the Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026, Deborah invites readers to reflect on the universal themes of friendship and self-worth. This piece is a poignant exploration of the realization that true belonging should not require self-abandonment.

About the Work

"Notes I Never Sent" is a thoughtful examination of the intricacies of friendships and the quest for acceptance. Through candid introspection, Deborah reveals the emotional turmoil of feeling unseen and undervalued. Her narrative style is both relatable and reflective, encouraging readers to consider the difference between genuine connections and the silent yearning for validation. The imagery of unsent notes underscores the internal dialogue of finding one's worth independent of others' recognition.

NOTES I NEVER SENT

Original Submission by Olumide Omowaleola Deborah

Notes I Never Sent

I came to university expecting to find knowledge.

I did not expect to find myself.

Like many young people stepping into a new phase of life, I arrived with excitement, hope, and a quiet desire to belong. I imagined friendships forming naturally. I imagined finding people who would become my family away from home. I imagined laughter, shared experiences, and the comfort of knowing that I mattered to the people around me.

For a while, I believed I had found that.

I was the friend who always reached out first. The friend who checked in. The friend who remembered small details, asked questions, and tried to keep conversations alive. If a group became quiet, I started the conversation. If someone seemed distant, I asked if they were okay. If there was a friendship to maintain, I was willing to do the work.

At first, it felt normal.

Friendships require effort, don't they?

So I gave effort.

Then I gave more.

And then even more.

Until one day, a question slipped into my mind and refused to leave.

What would happen if I stopped?

Not because I was angry.

Not because I wanted attention.

But because I was tired.

Tired of always being the one reaching out.

Tired of wondering whether anyone would notice my absence.

Tired of feeling like I was carrying relationships that were supposed to be shared.

For weeks, I ignored the question.

Then one day, I decided to find out.

I stopped sending messages.

I stopped checking in first.

I stopped being the person who always kept the friendship moving.

And then I waited.

The first day passed.

Nothing.

The second day passed.

Nothing.

Then a week.

Then another.

My phone remained silent.

At first, I made excuses for everyone.

They were busy.

They had classes.

They had responsibilities.

Surely they would notice eventually.

Surely someone would wonder where I had gone.

Surely someone would ask.

But most of them never did.

I wish I could say that realization did not hurt.

I wish I could say I was strong enough to brush it off and move on immediately.

But the truth is that it hurt more than I expected.

Not because I wanted people to chase me.

Not because I needed constant attention.

It hurt because I finally had to face a truth I had been avoiding.

I had spent so much time trying to belong that I forgot to ask whether I actually did.

Looking back, I realize that my greatest mistake was not caring too much.

My mistake was believing that my worth depended on being chosen.

Somewhere along the way, I began treating friendship like an audition.

I thought if I was kind enough, helpful enough, available enough, then people would see my value.

I thought belonging was something that had to be earned.

So I gave pieces of myself away hoping to receive acceptance in return.

The painful part is that I did not even realize I was doing it.

I thought I was simply being a good friend.

But there is a difference between kindness and self-abandonment.

There is a difference between showing up for people and losing yourself trying to keep them.

There is a difference between friendship and silently begging for a place in someone's life.

That realization became one of the hardest notes I never sent.

The note was not addressed to my friends.

It was addressed to me.

It said:

"Dear Deborah,

You do not have to work this hard to be worthy of love.

You do not have to convince people to choose you.

You do not have to shrink yourself, chase approval, or carry every relationship on your shoulders.

The people who value you will not need constant reminders that you exist.

The people who care will reach back.

And the places where you truly belong will never require you to beg for a seat."

I wish I had written that note sooner.

I wish I had read it when I first arrived at university.

I wish I had understood that belonging is not something we earn through exhaustion.

But perhaps some lessons can only be learned through experience.

Today, I no longer see that season of my life as a failure.

I see it as a turning point.

It taught me that loneliness is not always being alone. Sometimes loneliness is being surrounded by people and still feeling unseen.

It taught me that being needed is not the same as being valued.

Most importantly, it taught me that self-worth cannot be placed in the hands of other people.

Because people leave.

People change.

People forget.

But your value should never disappear simply because someone failed to recognize it.

There are still notes I never sent.

Notes to friends who never noticed I was gone.

Notes to people who taught me difficult lessons without knowing it.

Notes to versions of myself that deserved more grace than I gave them.

But among all those notes, one remains the most important.

The note that reminded me that I was worthy long before anyone else saw it.

The note that taught me that belonging should never feel like begging.

The note that helped me discover my own worth.

And perhaps that is why it remained unsent.

Because it was never meant for anyone else.

It was always meant for me.

About the Competition

The Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026 by Hashtag Kalakar is a prestigious platform celebrating diverse voices in the literary world. It provides writers an opportunity to share their unique perspectives and engage with a global audience. The competition is renowned for its commitment to nurturing creativity and fostering a community of passionate writers.

We extend our heartfelt gratitude to Olumide Omowaleola Deborah for her insightful contribution, "Notes I Never Sent," to the Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026. Her essay is a compelling reminder of the importance of self-worth and the courage it takes to seek genuine belonging. Thank you, Deborah, for sharing your journey with us.

About Hashtag Kalakar

Hashtag Kalakar is a creative platform dedicated to providing artists, writers, singers and other creative talents with opportunities to showcase their work and reach wider audiences through competitions, features and creative initiatives.