Mumma?

By Hannah Bhullar

I wish to stop hurting at the harmless words of women, and their latent looks.

I have only ever wished to be held,

to be hugged by a mother and fed off her love as if it were milk from her swollen breast.

I wish to feel her warm skin that gives life and will give me my childhood back.

I wish to hear a father speak softly and stand up tall.

I wish to watch her hair grey and his fall out while contentment grows in its place.

I won't be so alone then…

I wish to cry between both of their bodies and know I can do it again tomorrow.

I wish to be cherished as a daughter, a child and the miracle I always was.

How could you hate your own flesh and blood?

The very matter you are made of?

Why do you do this? Wound me like it is you!

Only I am no different.

I too, seek out predators who wound me just the same.

Those who cannot love me and prove what I knew all along…

I am an abomination.

A sick creature unworthy of what is good and all that is kind.

I was nursed by a woman whose breasts are filled with poison.

I was raised by a woman whose hands wiped the tears she triggered and restored the wounds she tore.

I love her with all my might, like any child would…

But love is just so violent and cruel; It is everything but good.

Would you love me like a child loves their mother?

Like a mother loves their child…

Would you love me like a boy?

Would you love me as a girl?

I just want to be a child again…

By Hannah Bhullar