Mental Health & Aftermath Of Covid

By Dr Anjali Limanpure

With a hot cup of tea in one hand, sipping and turning pages of newspaper with the other one , ‘it’s getting worse’, was the most common complaint of an armchair expert while doomscrolling and switching multiple social media apps simultaneously. Sitting at home with their loved ones, complying the healthcare guidelines was a matter of debate and not a virtue. Sadly.

I shook my head as I checked the time, 8:30 am and layered myself with 2 masks, gloves, shoe cover, head cover and PPE. Every frontline worker donned that outfit for months. Unrecognisable. Unbreathable. Two worlds experiencing the same pandemic completely differently. The numbers were soaring , it was no more a geriatric disease and I was prescribing covid test to teenagers now. More like wishing not to see any more covid cases that day, we already reached our highest number for the day. A man in his late thirties walked in. Trembling hands and looking nervously, eyes constantly looking down and sweating profusely. 'Sit down', I politely said. Before anything else, I felt the need to calm him down. ‘Don’t be scared’, with utmost solace I told him. He looked around

and then he musterd the courage to speak, "I've a 2 year old daughter and my wife. I don't have a job for months now. What if I ...." and his throat bobbed as he swallowed. His eyes down again and trembling more than ever, fighting his tears back he sat there… lost. I can never forget that face, his face. Sitting there scared out of his mind and in tears.

My eyes were completely fixated on him as he spoke again "I feel like, sometimes I think...." he looked up, paused and searched for something, maybe strength in my gaze and I can only hope that he finds it there.

"I don't want to live doctor, I've these constant thoughts of killing myself. I've been having them for a while now and I know that if I didn't tell anyone I might just do it, I'm having fever too. What if I have covid and I give it to my daughter ?", he cried.

"This must be hard for you, I understand", I didn't. How can I? I know nothing about raising a daughter, hell I'm not even married yet ! Still I tried to listen compassionately and be mindful of the fact that this is a pandemic and nobody was prepared for it. Not even doctors, at least not to this extent.

"It can be Malaria, right doctor ?", he questioned and I asked the nurse for RDT kit. As expected, it was negative.

"See, everytime you test for something it won't always come positive. I tested covid negative 2 days back", I said informed, then slowly I asked him to go for a covid test too. "No, it can't be covid, I can't have covid", he jumped out of his chair.

I handed him his Malaria test, "not all tests come positive you know."

I took his prescription and had a detailed history of the psychiatric symptoms he was having and adviced him to go see a psychiatrist. He seemed to have heard for the first time in his life that his suicidal thoughts were nothing to be ashamed of, it was a disease that's treatable. That someone can actually help him. He had his test and I asked him to revisit. To my surprise, not only did he turn up but was the first patient i attended next morning and I counselled him about his mental health. I could feel how relieved he was and thankful.

A few days passed by, as I was sipping tea and watching rain pouring down through my window. My phone beeped , I opened the WhatsApp message, a report saying "he was negative". I smiled and got lost in the music, the rain and chai again. It was a beautiful day.

By Dr Anjali Limanpure