Maladies Of An Agnostic

By Dr Maitreyee Joshi

I stand on the edge that divides two types of people. One type is that which calls themselves believers and who follow all the rituals and ways of worshiping the Almighty. The other type of people are those who snub every ritual and call themselves non- believers or atheists.

I visit the Temples, not because I get filled with sentiments of piety but to encounter the sheer beauty of the architecture and also the idols. I do not look at the idols with a pious eye but with an admirer's eye. I admire them as creations of art but I do not hate or want to hurt all those who do have a worshiper's heart and eye. I see all the rituals being done. I try on my behalf to tell them that I am not against worship but I can't sit doing long poojas and chanting mantras and carrying out rituals because I just do not have that inclination. I tell them on my behalf when I see urns of milk poured on the idols for pooja or breaking coconuts or making the place dirty by throwing flowers and other pooja stuff all around the temple but I have found that they do not approve of my suggestions either. At the same time they label me as and look at me with a gaze that says, " what do you know of Worship and God ...you are one non believer and therefore not in our party "

But believe me, I do respect their sentiments.

At the other end are non-believers. If I, by any chance mention in front of them that I went to a certain temple or I wish them on any of the festivals of my religion like on Sankranti, "Til gul ghya god bola" or if I light lamps on Diwali, they look at me with eyes that say, actually you are just as ritualized an idiot who just says you do not like these religious practices but follows them like any believer does."

And I think , "Come on, it's just good wishes and they may come in any form ..I really do not mind but that again has nothing to do with my faith.

I still stand on the edge and respect both of these populations, I still believe that as humans we alone are responsible for our own well-being. Haha even God, if he is up there, said," God helps those who help themselves."

Hope someone around is there who empathizes with the maladies of agnostics like me.

I think P L Deshpande was apt when he expressed his sentiments (that I identify with) by saying that he was a non believer and yet able to admire the beauty of a lamp lit in the evening in a temple.

By Dr Maitreyee Joshi