Love And Monster

By Akhil E

In the abyss as I lay

Shrouded by cold and decay

I was glad as I woke up

I was sad as I woke up

To the abyss I wished to return

So all my desires could burn

I dreamt that i was alone

I woke up to be alone

I had a perfect family

Yet a monster held me angrily

My parents loved me for who I am

Monster hated me for who I am

At Dawn all i wished was time

Eat, play and sing a little Rhyme

At Night I wish for null and void

To escape into the null and void

The monster crept inside like frozen November

Why did the monster arrive, I don’t remember

I tired to fight the monster as he ate the colors

I lay defeated and cold as he ate the colors

Everything became gray and dull

Like an invasive rot in my Skull

For others I put on a fake smile

To Hide I put on a fake smile

I looked for something that could make me a whole

Something or Someone to save my soul

Experiences were numerous, but the monster stayed

I searched for someone, but the monster stayed

You have a family, why do you need someone?

Asked Many, thinking I have already won.

To conquer the demon eating my mind

To live in spite of the demon eating my mind.

It was selfish to want someone for salvation

Guilt I received proved to be my damnation

How dare you? Screamed the Monster

No one will love you, Screamed the Monster

I closed myself from others in order to protect

I believed in my heart that it was correct

I lost the will as I had life without love

Monster got the will as I had life without love

I searched for Love as I have had enough

It was time as it was getting rough

Music, sports, literature, I looked everywhere

I became desperate as I looked everywhere

Games and Literature gave the closure I needed

I was content, but still empty even though I succeeded

I focused on new things, keeping me distracted

Monster made new plans by keeping me distracted

As I began to wither at night

Someone came like ray of light

They befriended me, not knowing the monster inside

I was happy, not knowing the monster inside

We talked and talked about stars and life

Our words were sharp as a knife

I told about the Monster, but you accepted

I felt guilty, but you accepted

We laughed and talked as if there was no tomorrow

I felt joy around them as I was free from sorrow

It was after few days, I realized what the Monster Did

It was too late when I realized what the Monster Did

Little by little, the flare between us became cold

The moments we shared became memories of old

You stopped talking, What did I do Wrong?

I stopped thinking, What did I do Wrong?

I tried everything to hold my sunshine

I could not do more as you were not mine

You Drifted away, don’t leave me alone

Ironic as now i begged, don’t leave me alone

I realized I was not special to you

It hurt but it was not something new

Embers inside me started to go out

Joy inside me started to go out

I looked the other way, focused on other things

I failed as the monster had me in his strings

I pushed forward and kept on moving

I fell frequently but kept on moving

Life began to move again, slow and steady

Learned how to smile and act like a teddy

Everything felt enough, yet I wanted more

Greed dooms all, yet I wanted more

One day passed and then a year

Being Alone became a dreaded fear

Then it happened, I found someone

My embers reignited as I found someone

I looked through the tinted glass

Everything looked like a flower, even grass

I was happy again, you were there for me

I was sad again, you were there for me

You were special, but you saw me as a friend

That is how this relation will remain till end

Distances between us grew like space

My insecurities grew like space

People say history repeats itself

But fate punishes me himself

One came then another, then another

Then another and then another

None saw me as how i saw them

Without love and flowers i am just a stem

I failed in many, this one I did not want to

Condemning myself, this one I did not want to

I exaggerated my experiences as grave and bad

Others have it worse, yet this drove me mad

No one to rely, no one who cared, scared me

Being in the abyss for eternity , scared me

Monster laughed and tortured my mind

I decided to forgive and be Kind

I befriended the Monster in my Head

I embraced the Monster in my Head

I had lost all emotions by now

Monster ate my emotions, but how?

I acted brave and demanded from the monster

Peace was what I demanded from the monster

I look back, and see a path of thorns

I fought forward among all the scorns

I may not be the perfect one

I have stopped wishing to be the perfect one

Life does not owe happiness to me

But I will love the world I see

Trees and Sea, I will love them

Animals and mountains, I will love them

I am not mighty as I have yet to win

I failed but I still feel warmth in my skin

Some overcame the monster, I will Prevail

Some lost to the monster, I will Prevail

The road is long and far

Don’t fret, just look at the star

No one may feel my worth, I understand

That is okay, I understand

I will love all creation and hope that One day I will Love Myself too.

By Akhil E