Kilig

By Suravi Mishra

It was a clear night. The moon dominated the dark sky. The waves crashed on to the shore

only to mellow down to a gentle lap at my feet. I took a deep breath of the salty air. Tonight, I

was Rose. Rose from the yore. I wore a long, white cotton dress. The wind danced with its

frills. I walked. The night was pure poetry. My senses were the adoring listeners. How grand

would it have been for a stranger to appear at that moment! A nameless enchanter with a

mysterious smile and kind eyes. We would walk together. We would indulge in frivolous

conversation. We would begin a courtship. We would fall in love. And later, we would write

sonnets for each other. We would cross seas once a year to feast our eyes on the other’s

beloved face. We would bring back a long-lost romance.

I let my dress fall on the sand. The cold air makes my corseted body tingle pleasantly.

I lied down. The stars are so tiny, so inconspicuous. I wish I could pull them out of the night

sky, and scatter them around me on the wet sand, where I lie. I cannot look away. I close my

eyes. When I open them again, the stars are dancing. Maybe they’re dancing to the soft

melody of the night’s poetry? A wave washes over me. I want to dance too. But who do I

dance with?

I heard footsteps. Cautious, slowly padding closer. I didn’t move.

I saw a hand appear in front of my vision, inviting to help me up. I took it. Ah! There’s my

man. I’ll call him Theodore. Theo was quite the handsome gentleman in an open, loose shirt

and brown leather pants. He comes closer and puts a hand around my waist. His other hand

holds mine in a gentle yet firm grip. We dance. We dance in front of the raging sea, the

smiling moon, the gossiping wind and the quiet stars. The harmony is immaculate. It’s like

Theo could read my mind. We dance and dance and dance till we could dance no more. I

looked at him and smile. We go for a swim, holding hands. My lace corset and knickers

floated around me, making me look surreal. The moonlight reflected on his kind eyes and

mysterious smile. His arms envelop me in an embrace, his face inches away from mine. He

came closer. “Meet me tomorrow."

I woke up. I was late for work.

Oh how mundane today was. I could not wait to fall asleep. Would he be still waiting?

Tonight, I was Olive. I was wearing my prettiest gown. It was a pale, shimmering green.

Tonight, the ocean looked luminous. The moon, the coy moon, was hiding behind a cloud;

flitting out now and then to give a knowing look. The air was crackling with anticipation. But I

could not find him. Did he grow tired of waiting for me? Did he decide I’m not worth the

effort-? Before I could complete that thought, loving arms encased me in an embrace from

behind. I shivered involuntarily.

I could feel his stubbled chin bending over to whisper in my ear, “May I?” I simply nodded.

The next second I was swept off my feet. I gasped and closed my eyes. He started walking

with me in his arms. I was happy. I could feel his heart beating beside me. I took a deep

breath. He smelled like woods fresh after a heavy shower. I sighed. There was a light, in the

distance. We were approaching it. I closed my eyes again. It all flashed in front of me. Theo

and I living in a snug cottage in the countryside, two beautiful kids, days full of happiness

and nights full of love. A small world which belonged only to us. He kissed my forehead,

almost as if he could hear my thoughts. I opened my eyes.

The light came from a bonfire. There was a rug spread out near it. There were a few

cushions. There was a decanter of wine. Mmm.. red. There were two glasses. He set me

down slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. I smiled and poured out some wine. We sat there;

looking at the seemingly vast expanse of water, sipping on pinot noir. My head was on his

shoulders. His hand was in mine. The moon was still behind the clouds. I wished to stall this

moment forever. Or better yet, create countless more memories, each more lovable than the

last. Why couldn’t we? Who was stopping us? Without a second thought, I put a hand on his

cheek and drew his lips to mine. The night melted away into passion.

“How much do you love me?” he asked. I was looking at the moon. She had shed the cover

of the clouds. She was gleaming with life. Like me.

“So much that I want you to plant flowers on my grave when I die. That way, when the seeds

bloom, you can pick me and hold me again.” He wiped a stray tear from my eyes.

“Marry me.”

I smiled. The night melted away again.

The next day, I couldn’t wait to get home. I had so many arrangements to make, after all. I

had to pick a dress, choose a ring, and decorate the altar. Oh Theo, tonight was going to be

the best night of our lives. All the conundrums were going to be simplified. We were going to

walk off into the sunset, towards our happily forever.

I had already asked to get off work early that day. Everything was ship-shape, ready and

waiting. All that was left to do was choose a ring. I had saved that for the last. It was the

most important thing, after all. I entered the best jewelry emporium in the city, ready to spend

all of my life’s savings with zero regrets. I took a deep breath of sheer exhilaration and

started walking towards the counter; and that’s when my life ended. My head started reeling.

I felt nausea come up my throat. I saw red. There was Theo, MY Theo, at the counter with

ANOTHER woman. He was looking at her with, what’s that, adoration in his eyes? Was it

adoration? Was it love? How could he? After all the promises he made to me? You thought

this was a game, Theo? I’ll show you how it’s played. I picked up a pen from the countertop

and my vision blurred.

*2 hours later*

I hear machines beeping around me. My head hurts. I was moving. Was I in a vehicle? I

hear a voice.

“She mauled his eyes right out. What an animal!”

“Did you see what she did to the woman? She tore her innards out with her bare nails. I

almost threw up at the sight.”

“We cannot even identify the woman. She has had her face disfigured completely by this

maniac.”

“How did she do all that?”

“With a pen.”

I smile. I lose consciousness.

*4 hours later*

I hear shouts around me.

“Restrain her limbs.”

“Her heart rate is dropping. Get her on the IV at once.”

Darkness again.

I wake up to a tired voice.

“What is wrong with her?”

“She has Schizophrenia. Her behaviour has been affected since a while now. She was fired

four months ago but she still showed up at her workplace every day despite multiple

warnings. Her neighbours complained of her breaking into their house yesterday. They said

she was rambling about inviting them to her wedding.

She has been hallucinating, in my opinion; because she hasn't had any lover for the past few

years..."

I was screaming inside my head. What were they saying? No lover? They know nothing

about my Theo because we met in secret.

I was going to get married tonight.

Theo would be there. He wouldn't be angry with me for a little lesson. He has to know my

likes and dislikes.

Tonight I was going to be Violet, after all.

By Suravi Mishra