Izzat Aur Mohabbat.

By Sarah Khan

Walid ko jaise izzat se mohabbat thi. Sirf ilm aur izzat ki daulat ke liye jite the. Ta-umr, sirf izzat hi kamane ke khwab rakhe aur izzat hi ko kamaya. Aur ab bhi bas wahi kamate hai. 

Unko mere husn se mohabbat thi. Apni shayari, gazale, aur nazmo mein mere husn ko apni kalam se tarashte, phir bht guroor se apni mehfil-e-shab mein mere husn ka tamasha banate. Kehte ke unhone mujhe itna dekha jitna inn ankhon se dekha jaa sakta tha; Fir bhi inn do ankhon se kitna dekha jaa sakta tha. Mujhe gul kehte, kehte mariyam. Nazuk, nayab aur dilkash, paak aur khalis. Mere gaalo ki surki ko apne pyaar ki nishani kehte jaise mahtab mein gulabi nargis. Par bazz aukat mujhe khayalo mein ye malum hota ke main kabar par padha hua woh sukhe gulab ki manind mohabbat ke naam ek akhiri peshkash hu. 

Aur main, main dayro mein jeeti thi. Kabhi iss dayre mein toh kabhi uss. Walid ki kamayi  hui izzat jaise bojh thi aur jo husn paya tha jaise bhooke ke liye zehar tha. Izzat ka hosh karti toh mohabbat ruth jati. Aur mohabbat ko husn de deti toh mohabbat ki izzat dugna ho jati. Albata meri izzat har lamha ghat jati. Main dono se wafa na kar saki aur rab mere haal-e-dil ka insaaf na kar saka. 

Sharm mein iss qadar dub gayi ke mitti hu ye bhul gayi. Dono hi taraf mafi ki gunjaish khatm hoke reh gayi thi. Par jis taraf thi usse us hi din bhul gayi jis din khudki izzat kho di. 

Pehli dafa mohabbat ko chuna aur izzat chut gayi. Magar mohabbat na-qadr thi, mujhe samjh naa saki aur main sehti reh gayi. Dusri dafa izzat ko chun liya toh mohabbat mano kho hi di. Magar izaat ne gham-e-haal mein hath chodh diya. Zahir tha 'bhul jana' aur 'bhula dena' mein zamin aasman ka fark tha. Aur izzat mere kiye ko bhula naa saki.

Ab tak apne gunaaho ka bharpaya karti hu ke ab sajdo mein sharm ke aasu bahati hu. Aur duao'n mein magfiraat ki bhik ke eelawa kuch aur mang naa sakti.  Khudki zaat se ab iss qadar nafrat hone lagi hai ke kabhi mohabbat hua karti thi ye yaad nahi. 

By Sarah Khan