It All Started With A Lie

By Eswar Tavva

He stood on the edge of the parapet wall of a very tall building. From up there, everything seemed smaller—people, cars, and even the buildings. But not his problems. He was figuring out how to take a leap ahead and end his problems permanently. It has been ten minutes since he was standing on that edge. It takes courage to stand there that long. But the bravery that got him to the edge wasn't helping him jump.

"Can I help?" A stranger's voice caught him off guard.

"I don't want to live anymore," he admitted, his voice heavy, "Just let me die."

"That’s why I want to help you," the stranger insisted gently, "I've been watching you. You seem hesitant. If you're sure, I could... help you make that step."

"What!" He turned, shocked, to face the stranger.

"Yes, I mean it. I'll help you move forward," the stranger repeated calmly.

"Great, a real humanitarian," he replied with a bitter edge of sarcasm, turning away again, "I'm fine on my own. Keep watching if you like."

"Do you plan to leave a note?" the stranger then asked, breaking the silence.

He offered no reply. Silence hung between them.

"If you haven't, you might want to. The world should know your story," the stranger suggested softly.

The silence returned, heavy and unmoving.

"I could help you write a note," the stranger offered.

Hearing this, he turned around, stepped back from the edge, and walked over to the stranger. "Who are you?" he asked.

"My name's Karthik. I live on the 24th floor, right beneath yours," the stranger introduced himself.

"Do you know me?" he inquired, curiosity in his tone.

"I've seen you up here a few times," Karthik admitted.

"Got a pen and paper?" he asked, a new thought forming.

"Always prepared," Karthik replied, pulling a pen and paper out of his pocket with a slight smile.

Sitting together, they found a quiet corner. As he began to share, Karthik listened and wrote, capturing every word.

"It all started with a lie," he started, a heavy note in his voice.

Karthik looked up, surprised, prompting him to confirm, "Yes, It all started with a lie," and he delved into his tale.

"A year into my marriage, my father insisted we see a urologist. The tests were thorough. Afterwards, the doctor brought us in and announced, 'I've looked over everything. Your son is fine. No signs of infertility. I'm puzzled why anyone thought otherwise.'"

My father, shocked, turned to me, "If you're fine, why haven't we heard any good news? This must mean there's an issue with your wife. She should be tested next."

I responded with a firm "No," my anger barely contained.

"How can you refuse? We need to understand why you're not a father yet, why I'm not a grandfather. She must be tested, right doctor?" my father persisted.

Again, I said "No." But my father wasn't satisfied, insisting there was a problem that needed addressing.

Hearing their insistence, I rose from my chair, my voice breaking through the tension, "I am gay. That's why I can't be a father. There's no issue with my wife. The issue lies with me. I am the problem."

A hush fell over the room, heavy and absolute.

"What did you say?" my father finally broke the silence, disbelief etching his voice.

"You heard me," I reiterated, my anger palpable, "I said, I'm gay." Without waiting for a response, I turned and left the room, the weight of my declaration hanging in the air behind me.

The revelation spread rapidly, igniting discussions among our family and friends. My wife's reaction was a complex mix of confusion, hurt, and disbelief. She couldn't reconcile the man she had loved and lived with for a year with this new revelation. Her eyes, brimming with unshed tears, searched mine for an answer, an explanation that never came.

In the following days, her struggle became evident. She grappled with societal expectations, her family's pressure, and her own sense of identity. Despite my attempts to reach out, the communication between us had frayed. The woman I loved, overwhelmed by the weight of our unspoken truths and external judgments, left without a word, leaving me in a turmoil of guilt and loneliness.

My parents' reaction compounded my misery. They were furious with me, yet their hearts ached for my wife—to them, she was the victim of my deceit. In their eyes, the solution was clear: she deserved a new beginning, an opportunity to rebuild her life with someone else. Their decision to arrange another marriage for her only deepened the chasm of my despair.

After the truth came out, my life turned upside down. First, I lost my job. One day, I was part of a team, relied on and respected, and the next, I found myself escorted out, my presence suddenly unwanted. It was as if my professional achievements had vanished, leaving behind only the shadow of the scandal.

Then, the friends I had, the ones I shared countless memories with, began to distance themselves. Calls went unanswered, and slowly, the silence from their end became the norm. It was as if they couldn't reconcile the person they knew with the revelation, and rather than confront this discomfort, they chose to retreat.

Family, which I believed to be my unshakeable foundation, crumbled just as quickly. Conversations became strained, filled with unspoken judgments and disappointment. Invitations to gatherings stopped. It was evident in every avoided glance and every hurried excuse to leave the room that I was no longer welcome in my own family. 

Life got really hard. The guilt of what I did was too much to handle. So, I moved into this apartment and stayed alone in my room all the time. I felt very lonely and very sad, so much that I thought about ending my life. Looking back, it's crazy how one small lie changed everything for me.”

Karthik's eyes widened in disbelief. "A lie? So, you're not gay?"

"No, I'm not. I'm perfectly fine," he confirmed, his voice tinged with regret.

Karthik, puzzled, pressed further, "Then why would you say you were?"

He exhaled, a mix of sorrow and sincerity in his eyes. "I lied because of how much I love my wife."

Karthik's confusion deepened. "I don't understand. How does lying about being gay show love for your wife?"

He took a deep breath, the pain evident in his voice as he shared his story with Karthik. "I married a wonderful woman. It was an arranged marriage, but the moment I saw her, I fell deeply in love. She was, to me, a gift from above, and I vowed to always make her happy. I felt incredibly lucky to be her husband."

He paused, collecting his thoughts. "Six months into our marriage, we noticed she wasn't getting pregnant. Worried, we both underwent fertility tests. The results were heartbreaking. The doctor told us my wife's Fallopian tubes were damaged, making it impossible for her to conceive."

The memory seemed to weigh heavily on him. "I couldn't bear to let her face that pain alone. So, I told her the problem was with me, that I was the one who couldn't father children. It crushed her, but eventually, she came to terms with it, even suggesting we adopt."

He exhaled, a sorrowful look crossing his face. "But pressure from our families, especially my father, grew. They couldn't accept my supposed infertility. My father, convinced of the strength of his lineage, demanded another test. To protect our secret, I told the doctor a new lie—that I was gay."

Tears glistened in his eyes as he recounted the tale, a testament to the lengths he'd go to protect the one he loved. Hearing the depth of the story, Karthik was visibly moved. "Brother," he began, his voice thick with emotion, "I've come across many tales of love, but yours... yours is unparalleled. The way you cherish her, the sacrifices you've made, it's beyond words. There's a limit to what one can sacrifice, yet you've crossed it all for her. I'm at a loss for words to express my admiration for what you've done. You've endured so much pain. You don't deserve to end your life over this. You should live. The truth, your truth, deserves to see the light. It must prevail." 

"Have you finished writing the note?" he inquired, his focus elsewhere, uncaught by Karthik's earlier sentiment.

Karthik, affirming, nodded as he folded the note.

"Hold on, add one last thing," he interrupted.

"What's that?" asked Karthik, pen poised.

"Simply put, 'Never lie,'" he stated, then turned, making his way back to the parapet wall, his request hanging in the air like a final verdict. 

"One minute, brother!" Karthik called out, a note of urgency in his voice. "I'm sorry. I wasn't truthful with you."

"What?" he asked, not really interested.

"I don't actually live here. I came specifically to find you," Karthik confessed.

A brief silence fell between them before he asked, "Why?"

Karthik, seizing the moment, asked, "Why today? Why choose to end your life today?"

His answer was heavy, laden with sorrow. "Because today, my wife is supposed to marry someone else."

"That's not happening," Karthik quickly countered, a glimmer of hope in his voice.

Hearing this, he turned around, a mix of confusion and sudden interest. "What did you just say?" 

"You heard me correctly. She's not marrying someone else because I'm the one she's supposed to marry. But I'm here with you instead," Karthik revealed, then added, "It's not just me. Your wife, your parents, and your in-laws are all here. They've been listening from near those steps."

Turning to look where Karthik pointed, he saw his wife rushing toward him, her face alight with concern and love. Close behind her were his parents and in-laws, all of them coming together, united in a moment that seemed to pause just for them. 

His wife wrapped her arms around him, her embrace a haven of warmth and forgiveness. She kissed him, a gesture loaded with relief and love. "I am so sorry. I've made a big mistake," she whispered, clinging to him as if never wanting to let go.

Confused and overwhelmed, he turned to Karthik, "What happened?"

Before Karthik could respond, a female voice cut through the air, authoritative yet gentle. "Let me explain what happened," she said, stepping forward from the gathering crowd. She was the first doctor he had visited six months ago for fertility tests—the one person, aside from himself, who knew the entire truth. 

"Karthik is a doctor too, and he works with me at the hospital. At the wedding, I saw your wife and talked to Karthik about her. He knew she was married and had heard the story about you being gay, but he didn't know the real truth. Actually, nobody did until I told Karthik. He wanted to understand why you lied, so he came to find out. And now, here he is, and here we all are," the doctor explained. 

"When I got here, you weren't in your room. We asked around and found out you spend a lot of time up here on this terrace. And now, here you are, about to end it all," Karthik said, giving him the suicide note.

He took the note and slid it into his pocket.

"Hold on a second!" Karthik suddenly said. "I forgot to add something important. Can I have the note back?"

He gave the note back to Karthik, who quickly unfolded it and wrote something at the very top: "It all started with a lie."

By Eswar Tavva