Insomniac

By Ranya Prasad

I have never felt weaker, Than I do right now.

All of the broken pieces that

I'd gathered since long,

They all just lay scattered on the ground. Every time I cry a part of me dies within,

And tonight the tears don't seem to stop.

Pain, there is so much of it,

It isn’t about a heartbreak no more,

Or some silly made up scenarios of my mind. It's everything crashing down, While dragging me with it.

All the time I'd spent,

Picking up my broken pieces, Seem fruitless now. These scars that they left behind, Feels like an open wound.

There is so much pain, So much angst.

Everything feels like it’s crashing down, Dragging me right along.

Isolation, I need to be alone But for fucks sake,

I can't let people go.

I can assume that,

That's where the problem begins.

I'm tired

Yet I fail to silence my thoughts

It's such a mess, Complete chaos.

Restless nights spend crying alone, Trying to muffle the sound of my sobs,

By hiding my face in the back of my hand.

Sleepless nights spent reading,

Trying to avoid these feeling,

Feeling of hatred aimed towards myself.

I fail to recognize who I am any more. Every time I cry, I seem to lose some meaning, Some hope that I held so dearly upon. There is this constant ache, I try to ignore.

I've tried my best to indulge in tasks, That may help me take my mind of off it But it never really works.

For whenever I am lying in bed,

Before I fall asleep,

All the walls I kept up throughout the day, Suddenly come undone.

Torturing me with all these different scenarios, Different emotions,

Different level of pain.

Each night I toss and turn,

In hopes to sleep before its dawn. Never finding the peace

One needs to fall asleep.

Always up till the sun,

Peeks through the morning sky.

Do people think I love staying up late, While everyone has fallen asleep,

And are about ready to start their day? They don't understand the fatigue, That comes with it all.

I can't help but let,

All these pessimistic thoughts

Consume my mind,

While being aware to, Keep my sobs inaudible,

And my feelings under control.

At 5 am when everyone has

Found peace within their sleep,

I'm just laying wide awake crying Hoping and waiting for sleep, To finally consume me.

By Ranya Prasad