In Search Of 'I'

By Ananya Behera

“Who am I?”

The heightened consciousness or the miniscule embodiment of dust on this plane.

Who am I?

The earth habituating me as home or reality being that blurred simulation.

“Who am I really?”

These questions and contemplation of existence and purpose of my glitching identity is a regular. Encountering the irony of finding meaning in things around and not finding the self, meaningful, is again regular.

Writing and visual contemplation has been an instrument to unite the questions to a stream, not necessarily definite answers, but streams alike answers. The words seem as if designed to grasp the abstract, form little vessels of phrases and give new perception every time I read them. Letting these sentences and imagery flow, and not restrict to specific idea or even my own beliefs, have done wonders.

Dreams and sub-conscious are two very different zones that I have keenly observed. Dreams can take two forms, the wishful thinking or the premonition-type insights. However, the realm of sub-conscious is much more exquisite in nature through my lens; the route to repressed emotions, experiences and shadows; truer than predictions or personal desires.

When one channels through the ink, the repressed thoughts and parts of conscious peep into the corners of sentences formed, where the flow of pen resurrects the inhibited flow of the Psyche or Persona, as one may identify oneself with.

This is how writing, noting and letting surrender to this flow made me an ardent writer, bleeding blue through red passioned nerves, as it splatters all over my blank whites of ‘unknowningness’. Certain authors’ words invoke different aspects of your intellect, but nothing like when your own words surprise you.

Fiction and fantasy are beautiful reflections of reality, criticized for not being the reality, still mysteriously the futuristic mirror to what does not meet the naked eyes. As I quote someone anonymous, “truth can be much creepier than what we expect it to be.”

So, as evident above is, fiction genre does excite me where there are blurred lines between imagination, myths and events. Ironical, how science acts as an instrument to debunk the other-worldly, where science fanatics make the sci-fi genre logic-fetching realistic that it becomes excruciatingly convincing.

Hobbies, the neutralizing term used for passion, act as big aspects of the personality or form of an individual. Thus, art without norms is an integral part of this indigo-hued perception of ‘I’.

By Ananya Behera