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In Search Of A Lost Emotion

By Atul Kumar Saurabh


Independent I can only suffer, many times I presume I can live as I wish, but I get smashed again and again by sword of unpredictability and ruthlessness of world around. Each smash making a deep impression, never to go from the deepest of my thought chambers. I hold myself to look in the mirror, that's not me, or anyone I am sully to be, insecure and feared, far I am dragged of the real me. I slide down, hide myself to merge in the dark.

I yearn and long for something, that has not yet revealed. What is that? Deep in my heart, I feel it is near, just so near that I am missing it. I miss out on what people say, that happens throughout the day. No, This is not what I want, this is not what I live for. I see around, finding myself amidst walking machines, me becoming one day by day. FEELING, the very origin of which is unexplained, is missing. I look out, flapping in the vast ocean of dreaded fear. I doubt, I


exaggerate this situation, however I am pulled again and again to this whirlpool o

f unusual feelings. I feel this is usual and real me, than what I tend to behave. Split and torn apart, in the two worlds which I live, I want to be one now. I have a purpose in communion with everyone, else this world will fall apart with me. Why would the creator be cruel for this state to prevail? I seem to know, right is to love everyone, right is to see everyone equal, right is to consider everyone worthy, then there would be real world. I and everyone are walking around, with a thick covering, layers of misalignment with this principle. The more I deviate, the more I diverge from the real truth.

Life feels short now, so short that it's gonna end now, I close my eyes again to find an answer. There I see myself lone, walking dismayed amidst the dark clouds, drenched in the showers of time. I topple off a puddle of water, it can't be worse anymore. I surrender and lay down, victimized again. I only hear my heart beating now. Where should I go?

"In this ocean of existence, I am drowning now, not knowing how to swim. Has there been anyone saved from such a situation, one needs a lifeguard to help out, else all our calls and attempts in vain. I need a master now, someone who can lift me up from this pool of confusion and walk me to the path of clarity ..."



By Atul Kumar Saurabh




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Prakash Ravella
Prakash Ravella
23 may 2023
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