If I Was Her

By R Samyuktha

Its 5 in the morning

And my mind is reeling

I’ve been floating in and out of the rooms I’ve built in my head

Each one filled with a memory of you and I

It feels wrong to hold onto something that was never even mine in the first place

I know I asked you to leave,

left the door wide open

And when you chose to walk away

I expected an eerie sense of calm and peace to take over

But I was left soaking in a downpour surrounded by distant rumbling of thunder

I lie down on the ground

let the raindrops steal my breath away

And wash away the tears I have been holding in

My pain takes the form of comfort and wraps me in

I revel in my guilt

I convince myself that if I lie there long enough

I’ll miraculously feel your warmth

I know I’ll never be enough, I can never give you what you want.

Each drop reminds me of the ways I could’ve been a better person

But a broken heart can only be a menace,

The jagged edges take more than it can give

So I let myself weave through scenarios

about how this could’ve ended

If I had only fallen in love with you.

By R Samyuktha