I'm Not Good At Heartbreaks

By Shashwat Nagar

I tried my best but you threw it away

It didn’t have to happen but it happened anyway,

It was beautiful, and I was happy to have you,

Like the moon in the night, the smell of morning dew,

You brightened up my life at a time and you lit the spark,

I never knew you’d be the one to tear me apart.

And now I’m in pieces, as the pain increases,

Standing in the doorway, taking in the summer breezes,

Love, faith, and care are all diseases,

Pick up your self respect and you’ll see what it teaches.

I didn’t want things to go this way,

Love’s a risky game but we were both ready to play,

But you had to be a bitch, and a bitch is what you’ll stay,

Be it in the future, tomorrow, or today.

And oh, I wonder how it would’ve turned out,

If that day you had just looked around,

All the things that I had left for you,

The world we had created just for us two.

You lied to me, you used me,

You said you loved me and yet you abused me,

You said you’ll marry me and we’ll live together,

But no it’s not happening, not now not ever

You said we’ll die on the same death bed,

But the truth is that you’d kill me without any dread,

Your apologies, your actions,

It was all an act,

You were playing with my feelings, to be exact.

You hurt me continuously and kept saying it won’t happen again,

Continued to do the same thing, all I hoped from you was in vain.

We both know your “love” for me was nothing but a lie,

You started making delusions as a result of frustration you couldn’t justify,

Your humanity, conscience, and your own guilt,

Were the foundation on which those accusations were built.

You accused me of cheating, without any evidence,

Refused to listen to me because of your own negligence,

You didn’t have an ounce of trust on me or the things that I told you,

Went out of control every time, no matter how much I tried to hold you.

You said you felt pathetic with me, despite all I did,

I tried to do harder, even with the pain that I hid,

But you always took it for granted and now it’s over,

Hope you never get a guy like me, god forbid.

Now my heart aches and It makes me want to cry,

I’m not good at heart breaks, it makes me want to die.

I feel like I’m burning, like I’ve been set on fire,

All these truths I’m learning, they’re not what I desire.

There was a time when you put a smile on my face,

Made my cheeks blush and my heart race,

But now it’s just disgust, disappointment and anguish,

Look through the dust, and you’ll see our love perish.

I can’t describe my feelings, I can’t be specific,

Do you remember that day we proposed, it was terrific.

The sunrise and the hope in the air,

I didn’t sense this dark aura anywhere.

Remember the day when I told you that it was just

“1 feeling, 2 people, 3 words, 4 you… I love you”

The days when we were happy and the days that we were sad,

When we tried to cheer each other up instead of getting mad.

But it’s true that it wasn’t worth it, we shouldn’t fight to stay together just to fight again,

We need to take a break from each other to make us right again.

But you’re too selfish and you want everything,

Far too ignorant to consider the amount of pain that love can bring,

You never really loved me, you never really cared,

It was an illusion of you, an idea at which I stared.

You may be pretty, but beauty’s on the inside,

You can run from yourself dear, but you can never hide.

You are unstable, cowardly and greedy,

You’re incapable, ugly and unsteady.

But it’s okay I’m not paying attention to you anymore,

Out of the fray, I’ll suffer because of you no more.

You need to learn how to be human and not calculated,

You were nothing but a labyrinth of scum from which I’ve been liberated.

It’s hard right now because, like they say,

I miss you and I still love you, even today.

Breakups hurt, everyone knows that,

But I’ll be alert and I won’t take you back.

I feel like I’m in a sea of emotion,

As my heart and brain fight, oh what a commotion.

But this needs to end and it will don’t worry,

I hate you, and you can cry all you want I’m not even sorry.

I’ve been reborn, come witness my cries,

As I break through the pain, sadness and lies.

Like I’ve said before, there will be nights where I feel like I’ll drown,

But even now, I know that in the end, I’ll be sitting on my throne, with my golden crown.

By Shashwat Nagar