I'm Fine

By Preeti Kaur Bharj

"I'm fine", I smile

To the constant reminder

The fact that no one cares

When they enquire, "How are you?"

I am not fine, want

To cry my heart out, wear it on my

Sleeve, Shout out loud I am sleep

Deprived, eyes puffy, barely surviving,

Haven't touched a comb to my

Hair, Once treated with colour

And chemicals, now filled with

Dreads, frizz, the mirror pointed

Out to me one evening, as if it cares

To show me the reality that

I am not okay, I am anything but.

My back ache from having my body

Pressed against the half-bend pillow,

I haven't moved in ages, meds stopped

Working as painkillers can't heal a

Pained heart, I need help, but why

Is it shameful still, to give it a voice,

I might faint from the smell, I reek,

My skin decaying and ruined,

Developed sores from lying on the bed,

Too long to remember,

Haven't bathed for days, I find

Myself unbothered like the people

Surrounding me, they ask, If

I am fine. I reply with an empty

Smile, I am doing fine, but my

Face and mind suggests

I am not alright, I ache to be

Understood by someone, anyone

Who holds me in their arms

Without any condition or agenda

And say, I know it hurts, without

Any false reassurance, to

Calm my every nerve, too worked

Up to move a single step,

But alas, no one reads my mind,

And hence, now when they see me lying

In the Casket, they say, "it's a shame

She's gone, such as this, for only yesterday,

I asked her how she was doing.

With a smile she said, she was fine..."

By Preeti Kaur Bharj