I Im Growing Old, Am I Not?

By Aastha Arya

I started preferring peaceful silences other than fake company,

I began going to eat at restaurants and watch films at cinema halls alone,

I am growing old, Am I not?

When I was a child, I wished I had a gang of friends, having fun and going out together, making merry and doing it all together

Now, I barely can even call my friends “friends”.

I am growing old, Am I not?

I used to hold my friendships in high regards, even let it take precedence over my family in many situations.

As I thought they understood me more than my family.

Now I don’t step out of the house.

When I look at my mom and dad, their greying hair, their sagging skin,

I realize everything else is there when it’s convenient. Family is there no matter what.

I am growing old, Am I not?

I respond to cheap talk with indifferent silences,

I value soul connection over easy-to-get sex,

I enjoy deep talks, small talks jangle my nerves,

I am a bibliophile, pluviophile, demisexual and sapiosexual;

I am attracted to a man who reads, a man who weeps and a man who is strong enough to be vulnerable.

I like the sound of rain, the breeze that sets in motion before it, smelling the petrichor after the rains,

Having a strong coffee with a good book and a view of rains is what my ideal date would look like. A date with myself!

Understanding people are rare to find; judgmental people are always there to rate you

I realized how harshly I judged people once when I listened to people judge others

Now I can’t stand it!

I am growing old, Am I not?

I am becoming more and more observant of my flaws, trying to be less and less hypocritical. Being strict with myself and trying to be tolerant with others.

I am growing old, Am I not?

By Aastha Arya