I Can't Feel Anything - By Hlomla Ngqiniso

Written By: Hlomla Ngqiniso

Category: Poetry

Competition: Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026

In the evocative poem "I Can't Feel Anything," Hlomla Ngqiniso delves deep into the complexities of emotion and self-discovery. A participant in the prestigious Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026, Ngqiniso's work is a testament to the power of poetry to express profound personal experiences. Through vivid imagery and an introspective lens, this piece captures the journey from feeling everything to feeling nothing, inviting readers to explore the raw intricacies of human vulnerability.

About the Work

"I Can't Feel Anything" is a moving exploration of the emotional spectrum, tracing the narrator's journey from vibrant sensations to a state of numbness. The poem's evocative imagery and poignant reflections create a tapestry of emotions, capturing moments of joy, sorrow, confusion, and hope. Ngqiniso's literary style is both introspective and candid, addressing themes of identity, personal growth, and the quest for self-worth. This powerful work resonates with anyone who has grappled with the complexities of their emotional landscape.

I Can't Feel Anything

Original Submission by Hlomla Ngqiniso

I Can’t Feel Anything

By Hlomla Ngqiniso

There was a time whereby I used to feel everything

From the rays of sunshine on rainy days

To the warmth of my mother's hand on the bed she'd lay

The prick of Legos under my feet that would make me cry

To the wind in my clothes that made me think I could fly

I was happy.......

But even when I was not, I could still feel

From the cold hands of my mother's corpse

To the cold beer of my uncle's sorrow

His angry hands on mine as he drank his mistakes

My mistakes, my regrets, my lost goodbyes when I was ten

I was sad.......

At least I can hear, I heard the Disney laughter on the Tv

And when all the boys laughed at me

And all the times my father didn't call me

Wait, I was happy...I think.....I hope

All I know is that it was the best time of my life

The only time of my life to be honest

I was confused......

Confused into why I wasn't enough for myself or the world

Enough for my dad or the stupid men that called me "their son"

My eyes then burned from the sun

Most days inside, most days I cried myself to sleep

Thinking that that dark place when you close your eyes

Is familiar, it was my home

But still, I could feel.....

And despite me falling, and failing at everything

Even in the halt of my own life, I have grown

Into quite a tall and wise tree actually

Whereby my roots don't grow into the ground

They grow into me, and oh how they stab me

Yes, they do

It could take one gust of wind, and it could...fall

Oh, how I wish I could fall, and feel

I can't feel anything

I am numb, and in search of anything

Anything that can make me feel

I felt everything and now, I feel nothing

I am nothing.

I am nothing....

Nothing, but my hopes, dreams, and aspirations

Nothing but the talents that were given to me by the divine

Nothing but the resilience of my mother

And the diligence of my father

I hope that makes me something

Something that younger me can look up to.

The reason why he woke up in Hell everyday

With the hopes that things will get better,

And better for him they did.

Oh, how he wished he could be seen as kid

When he used to feel everything

And now he tries to change

Perhaps they'll love him when he is skinnier

And that, they did do

Perhaps they'll love him when he is smarter

And that, they did do

Yet I still can't feel

I can't forgive myself for hating him...hating me

They tell me they love me and of course, they do

I love them too, but do they really? What happens if I am not funny enough

Rich enough? Submissive enough?

When the tears turn into blood and blood into scars

When jumping in front of cars is a daily thought

And a thought it was....it is.

Back then, it was to feel nothing

And now, it is to feel at all.

Maybe I have tried to hard to kill him

Make him disappear, maybe I'll eat him too

Who knows?

Maybe I'll eat so much that I won't wake up

I don't wanna see him

I have given up so much to kill him

Yet he still haunts, fucking Carrie wanna be

Who does he think he to even try to live

When the ones he has loved have not?

I have killed before and I will do it again

Every last remnant of what used to be will be eaten

And burned in the eternal Hell that is my heart

How dare he try to live when his heart has died?

A martyr to myself I have become and again, I shall be

All in the hopes that I shall...feel

Feel the sun on my skin without shame

And love my friends without a doubt in the world

And prove top the world that I can be loved

Prove to myself that I can be loved

Prove that I deserve to feel again

Prove that I am something....someone worthy

About the Competition

The Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026, hosted by Hashtag Kalakar, celebrates the art of storytelling and poetic expression. It provides a platform for writers and poets worldwide to share their unique voices and creative visions. This competition highlights the diversity and depth of contemporary literature, offering participants a chance to engage with a global audience and contribute to the vibrant tapestry of modern creative arts.

We extend our heartfelt thanks to Hlomla Ngqiniso for sharing "I Can't Feel Anything" with the world through the Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026. Your introspective and heartfelt poem offers a profound glimpse into the complexity of human emotions, leaving a lasting impression on all who encounter it. Thank you for contributing your voice to this prestigious event.

About Hashtag Kalakar

Hashtag Kalakar is a creative platform dedicated to providing artists, writers, singers and other creative talents with opportunities to showcase their work and reach wider audiences through competitions, features and creative initiatives.