Hold On

By Dr Maitreyee Joshi

When my daughter went to her kindergarten as a 21/2 years old, her school had a rule that they would not take the crying child in. That means, until the child gets acquainted and her separation anxiety eases out, the mother of the child has to be in the school. So all the mothers sat with the kids, as they played in a big hall with every kind of toy available. There were some kids, who played but would become very anxious when they did not see their mothers. The mothers were separated from the kids in a step by step process. First 10 days, we sat in the class, the next 10 days, just outside the class and the last 10 days on the ground floor of the building. Sakshi just would not go with the teacher to the class after the first 10 days even when the teacher told her that mom will stay here itself. I got really worried. But the teacher said, “I will just take her in and if she does not stay, I will bring her back.”

So she lifted Sakshi up and took her in. Sakshi went on crying until she reached the classroom and the moment she reached the classroom, she hopped down from the teacher’s hands and started playing, forgetting me. When the teacher told me this, all my worries about my daughter eased.

I remember, when my father was in the hospital before he died of myasthenic crisis, how low and depressed I felt, when no treatment seemed to work. First they started oxygen under pressure, then the ventilator, then immunoglobulins, and lastly dialysis. But he did not respond to any of the treatments, and on the night before he breathed his last, the doctors had almost lost hope. I remember lying down in the bed beside his room, feeling terrified and tormented at the same time, for death seemed imminent. I could not imagine life without him. I felt a deep sense of loss and a void. The first few days were intolerable. All his suffering and pain in those last few days did not seem to leave my eyes and mind. There were also thoughts like if I had done this, or that he would have survived. These thoughts lead to guilt. But the truth was Dad had finally left me alone in the school of life. It was final and could not be undone.

But these two instances speak for themselves. Our loved ones, near and dear ones, parents, lovers, kids may leave us for their journey may take a different route, but life goes on. So I will urge every person who suffers from the pain of separation to take heart. Ultimately your grief will come down. Your pain will become tolerable, you will learn to live without them.

Life will still hold meaning. There are instances of young men and women, thinking of suicide when someone breaks their heart but suicide or death is not the answer. Until the grief and pain eases out, hold on. It needs just that little extra effort...just hold on.

Remember and realize that each life is unique, independent and complete without the presence of the other and has its own journey. So take heart and hold on.

By Dr Maitreyee Joshi