Good bye

By Chitra Chidambaram

I stuff a goodbye in my heart even as the lips force a smile, unable to release the goodbye

I have stuffed many such goodbyes

my heart swells with pride at housing them even as every goodbye breaks it

each goodbye lets a shadow of it slip into memory

the throat chokes on them as they pass from the heart upwards

I gulp a cupful of pleasant memories to clear my throat

the memories fade away, the goodbyes still don't

they strangle me in the darkness of every night as a shadow of them emerges

I wonder why they call it a 'good' bye

I see only pain in them

maybe pain is good

maybe it is medicinal, it heals

but don't pleasant memories lie in every goodbye

or are they just another lie?

life will someday give me a taste of the final goodbye

will I be choked by it?

or will it be the reason to choke life out of me?

will life stuff it in its heart like I always do?

is that why life hurts?

I need to hug life and lessen its pain

I need life if I never wish to choke on a goodbye again

I smile, opening my heart to life

goodbye dear pain

my heart smiles as I feel whole again.

By Chitra Chidambaram